tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post1007633092710616926..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: Pornmarythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-84033816903470151752010-12-18T19:00:52.330-06:002010-12-18T19:00:52.330-06:00Ooh I saw your post on this and loved it! Hubby a...Ooh I saw your post on this and loved it! Hubby and I had yet another talk about this just this morning, and he just can't get past it... still. Can't hurt to forward him this comment though. Thanks!<br /><br />Marymarythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-42916685669540061312010-12-18T16:54:49.031-06:002010-12-18T16:54:49.031-06:00oh, I have this one! Ok, last week I got a newsle...oh, I have this one! Ok, last week I got a newsletter that addresses this very issue of feeling like you have to be judge and jury to prove a child has lied but the psychologist that wrote the article said, NOT SO! try this:<br /><br />"Regardless of what you have told me, I feel like I've been lied to about this."<br /><br />and you can say other totally awesome psychological mumbo jumbo like "when I feel lied to it shows me that you are not mature enough for privileges, etc. etc." and then throw in the consequence<br /><br />then finish it off with,<br />"You and I both know your life will be less complicated and have fewer problems if you stop leaving the people that care about you feeling like you are always lying to them."<br /><br />SO awesome, yes?<br />I have already used this on Sissy. GOLD. GOLD! She caved at "I feel like I've been lied to."Integrity Singerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09196095126605205738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-36938464234894230242010-12-15T12:52:22.263-06:002010-12-15T12:52:22.263-06:00Lynn - yea, biokids and FB are a different story. ...Lynn - yea, biokids and FB are a different story. I don't have a problem with being "two-faced" about FB though. I figure as an adult I know how to follow the privacy rules and make good decisions my teens and their friends are not ready for yet. <br /><br />I don't use FB myself though. I tried it, and it was fun, and nice to reconnect with some family members, but I do enough on the computer without it, and then biomom found me pretty quickly so I closed my account. <br /><br />The kids' computer is in a main room, but not readily visible from where I usually sit, and Hubby never looks up. This is going to change. <br /><br />The problem with removing the computer completely is that school nowadays pretty much requires a computer (that's why Bob has a laptop). Even the kids' math books are only available on the computer (so they don't have to lug them around). PowerPoints and reports, research on Google, teachers e-mailing them review sheets. It's nuts. <br /><br />Plus, the kids (especially Bear) can and do access the internet at school. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if Bear wasn't coming down in the middle of the night (well early morning after I've gone to bed) since that's apparantly when he comes down and raids the kitchen.<br /><br />Marymarythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-66288052514251880522010-12-15T10:29:42.724-06:002010-12-15T10:29:42.724-06:00My oldest kid has a FB account. I wouldn't let...My oldest kid has a FB account. I wouldn't let him get it until he was 13 though. (So many get theirs even younger - they just lie about their age.)<br /><br />I wasn't particularly thrilled with the idea. But, I personally have to almost live on the computer. Working from home as a graphic artist means the computer is front and center. And since all our family lives over 1200 miles away, I love FB for staying in touch with them. For me, I didn't want to seem two-faced about letting him on FB. I figured I would rather try to monitor him a little than make him mad and have him try to go do it behind my back.<br /><br />So, I heavily rely on our computer rules. At all times my children need to let me know "who they're with, where they're at, and what they're doing". This applies to internet use as well. Before they get on, they have to let me know what sites they're planning on visiting. They're only allowed on the computer while in a "public" place in the house (ie: the living room). Very rarely do we let our oldest take the laptop to his room.<br /><br />The situation isn't perfect. Several times our oldest woke up (or stayed up - we're not sure) in the middle of the night and came downstairs to get on the computer when no one was around. And yes, he was surfing a porn site that he had heard about in middle school.<br /><br />Porn scares me more than FB does. But I know I can't shelter him from the computer completely. So we consequenced and moved forward.<br /><br />In our case we're not dealing with adoption issues as well. Our oldest is a bio kid. That part of your story sounds very messy indeed. I'm not sure how I'd handle it. Contact with the birth family via the internet could certainly cause problems!<br /><br />There are days when I wish I had "that island" out in the middle of nowhere!Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05574095883181118049noreply@blogger.com