tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post1530858047643513593..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: It's raining, It's pouringmarythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-40897036107226550792009-12-03T21:46:15.758-06:002009-12-03T21:46:15.758-06:00Thanks guys! It helps so much to hear from others...Thanks guys! It helps so much to hear from others who "get it." <br /><br />Zunzun - you have my total understanding in regards to your daughter. It is so hard to have the whole world thinking you are insane and mean to this "totally normal sweet child." Kitty is my child that no one can believe has rages and issues - she's so sweet and quiet at school.<br /><br />We do try to have time for ourselves, but it's so hard!<br /><br />Marythemommarythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-40054872726265640832009-12-03T10:49:57.170-06:002009-12-03T10:49:57.170-06:00I've never posted here before (and if I have p...I've never posted here before (and if I have please forgive my perimenopausal mind!LOL) and although I don't have much advice or good pointers for you just wanted to encourage you to take care of yourself and your husband and do things separate from Bear...whether it's just walking out the front door for a walk when it gets really bad or just "accepting" that he may never change and lowering your expectations drastically. <br /><br />I don't say this lightly. My daughter is 11 and has RAD (as well as the ever general Conduct Disorder and some PTSD thrown in there for good measure) and although most of our days consist of beating our heads against the same wall (for all that's getting to her) we still do it (in the hopes that "soemthing" will click some day) but we have also learned to "separate" our emotions otherwise we'd be exhausted messes all the time.<br /><br />It took us years for my husband and I to be on the same page (she exhibited all the bad stuff only w/ me the first few years...now she has included him and the grandparents so "Now" that it's happening to them they understand me and side with me!LOL) so be patient w/ one another and try to always present an united front....kids w/ attachment issues can smell a crack in the wall a mile a way and will do what they can to devide you.<br /><br />Sorry...din't mean to write a book. I love my daugher. She's not my first experience w/ RAD as we have fostered before (we had one for 3 years that nearly brought us to our knees!) but even having some measure of experience it was incredibly hard on us (still is...what parent doesn't want to be loved back by the child..you know) so know that you are not alone.<br /><br />For many years I didn't write about it on my blog (now defunct) or share it much w/ those who were not close to us because I knew people didn't understand..."couldn't" understand...she 'seemed' so normal and all so they all chucked it to "kid stuff" - Things are different now but it was darn hard <br />"training" my mind to not expect more than what could be given...to not expect any of my "talks" and "sermons" to finally click in her brain. Mine will smile and nod or sometimes just numbly stare at me and then go back and do what she wants anymore...it's hard but again...if misery is company then there are others out here that "get you!LOL"<br /><br />hugs...take care of yourself, walk away when you need to, lower your expectations, regulate your own emotions and reactions (this was the hardest for me...I had to learn to not raise my voice and just give short commands...hard I tell ya!LOL) and know that you are doing an amazing job just keeping it together.zunzunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01202160546231144260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-23961433227376168162009-12-03T00:19:01.067-06:002009-12-03T00:19:01.067-06:00Let me affirm you in your journey and let you know...Let me affirm you in your journey and let you know I'm praying for you right now. I know the overwhelming feeling of dislike for your kid and the guilt that follows We are humans living with other humans and sometimes it's not pretty. And with these kids, a LOT of the times it's not pretty. Take care of yourself. Walk away when you can and know you're an awesome mom!Marty Waldenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07457166508208134485noreply@blogger.com