tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post1786227050371756191..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: Kitty's Senior year IEP meetingmarythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-60288668411785179452013-11-27T18:00:24.493-06:002013-11-27T18:00:24.493-06:00As a former foster kid who lived in dozens of fost...As a former foster kid who lived in dozens of foster homes until I aged out at 18, I have to say that treating her like a tenant and not family sounds so awful to me. It would have made me totally give up and shut down. When we grow up bouncing from family to family, we lose the ability to trust that anyone really loves us at all. We lose the ability to trust that we are safe. Borderline personality disorder is a common diagnosis for people who have experienced extreme abuse (and just being in foster care counts as that). But there is evidence now that those who have been diagnosed with Borderline may actually suffer from Complex PTSD. <br /><br />An ultimatum like that for me at 17 or 18 would have destroyed any self worth or sense of family I had at her age. <br /><br />Isolating in her room is very much what I did at that age. Part of it is just age appropriate. Part of it is dealing with trauma and the the intense fear I had of my foster family. Music helped me cope and it helped me dissociate from my environment. It helped me feel ANYTHING else than the extreme emotions I was constantly feeling. <br /><br />This is a very hurt child. Children who have experienced trauma (foster care is extreme trauma in itself) are delayed in their development. When I was 18, I was probably more like an 11 year old emotionally. <br /><br />I fear your strong ultimatums are going to backfire and add to her trauma. She sounds like a difficult family member and I feel for you as someone who is caring for her schizophrenic sister. She need to feel like you are her family no matter what. I'm not saying that means you have to tolerate her bad behavior, but treating her like a roommate/prisoner/tenant isn't going to help her in the long run. <br /><br />I work with traumatized kids. May I suggest you take a look at "Collaborative Problem Solving" with http://www.thinkkids.org/ I have seen it work wonders with the kids and their families in my residential treatment center. Perhaps their is a professional in Collaborative Problem Solving therapy methods in your area? <br /><br />Thanks for listening. Campbell B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05551039602147935763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-77251202763928919012013-11-14T22:07:29.117-06:002013-11-14T22:07:29.117-06:00Oh yes, there's definitely a window of opportu...Oh yes, there's definitely a window of opportunity here that is closing as she nears the end of her high school time. Not saying you shouldn't do it, just that an emergency plan would probably be a good idea. Time to put the therapist on speed dial. ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-3210286643223314622013-11-14T00:51:20.981-06:002013-11-14T00:51:20.981-06:00Honestly, I've decided that I want to risk ove...Honestly, I've decided that I want to risk overwhelm now while she's still in school and has the support and services in place (could help her access more services too - if we can demonstrate that she is struggling with life now, how would she handle living independently and working full-time? Add in relationships and possibly young children... I'd prefer she is faced with changing coping strategies or even having a breakdown NOW, rather than later when it effects a lot more than our immediate family and she's even more deeply entrenched in her current "coping" strategies. marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-24095356907541837542013-11-13T18:43:41.487-06:002013-11-13T18:43:41.487-06:00If she's been isolating at home in order to co...If she's been isolating at home in order to cope (not a positive strategy, of course) what's plan B if she finds the new changes at home too overwhelming? It may be a bad coping strategy, but it is her strategy, and there may be some serious fallout when she is faced with changing it.<br /><br />I feel bad for the kid, skipping lunch rather than face the lunchroom. Sounds like home isn't the only place where she is isolating.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com