tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post1881431525543342075..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: Why we had Kitty sign the boarder agreementmarythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-50459971459217159622014-06-08T21:20:37.363-05:002014-06-08T21:20:37.363-05:00"You say you want to "celebrate life'...<i>"You say you want to "celebrate life's joys", using Bob's graduation as an example. Fair enough; she deserves to be celebrated. Given tat Kitty is also graduating, have you celebrated her graduation as well?"</i> - Anonymous<br /><br />Anonymous - Actually the "life joy" I mentioned in this post was Bob going to college. Of course we celebrated both girls' graduation. Kitty even got a second celebration, because she graduated from the special school as well. The problem is the things that Kitty is NOT getting, whether she actually wants them or not. marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-30414422707952996192014-06-08T18:43:39.168-05:002014-06-08T18:43:39.168-05:00Miz K - That was an old version of the boarder agr...Miz K - That was an old version of the boarder agreement. I'll post the new one which is less complicated.<br /><br />The answer to most of your questions though, is that the agreement is not just for Kitty. Especially if Bear moves back in then the stuff about morality and guns would be important. We do have minors living here. The parking stuff obviously applies to anyone who lives here with a car.<br /><br />As to what happens if she violates the agreement or doesn't pay rent... I don't know. She violates the cleanliness stuff daily. She's only paying $100 "room and board" right now. This is the kind of stuff we discuss in therapy.<br />marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-45834661850534454322014-06-08T16:17:15.058-05:002014-06-08T16:17:15.058-05:00Most of the terms of the boarder agreement are for...Most of the terms of the boarder agreement are for future reference. So we don't have to hash things out down the road. <br /><br />We did come up with "House Rules," which are supposed to have consequences, but she was never willing to work with us on the consequences. We might discuss this in therapy next week.<br /><br />The biokids will absolutely be expected to adhere to the same agreement, but as previously mentioned it most likely won't be necessary. Rent will be different while they're college students, because we'd just be paying it to ourselves since we'll be mostly supporting them. Although I'm still amazed at how much Bob has been able to arrange to reduce the cost of college! Of course after they graduate will be a different story.marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-55385792526169423962014-06-08T15:16:03.308-05:002014-06-08T15:16:03.308-05:00I read the agreement again and was still puzzled. ...I read the agreement again and was still puzzled. Kitty doesn't drive, so why mention a parking space? And why bring up guns? And the "morality clause," why is that in there? Why mention subletting? She's not likely to sublet if it's just one room. <br />And why include the part about being fun to be with? That's not part of a standard rental agreement.<br />Do you really plan to evict her or call the cops if she fails to comply?<br />You've made it overly complicated and way too wordy. Kitty won't understand it. I'm a lawyer and it boggled my mind! It's like no contract I've ever seen.<br />Can't you pare it down to the basics: rent due on a certain date, late fee on such-and-such a date, pay for damages, right to inspect room, she pays for bounced checks and that's it? <br />I hope Bob and Ponito are also expected to pay rent when they graduate high school, otherwise it will be unfair to Kitty.Miz Kizzlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05650747741395559803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-55719818228976452382014-06-08T11:42:38.970-05:002014-06-08T11:42:38.970-05:00You say you want to "celebrate life's joy...You say you want to "celebrate life's joys", using Bob's graduation as an example. Fair enough; she deserves to be celebrated. Given tat Kitty is also graduating, have you celebrated her graduation as well? Maybe doing something special to celebrate her completion of school may help her feel loved, and in her mind, given that she thinks you love the bio kids more than her, she may see that you love her just as much, and want to celebrate when she achieves something. Think that would help to improve things? Good for you for not pushing her one way or the other--to go to her birth family or stay with you.<br />I know I'm not in your situation, but know that I know you're doing your best, and that you love all of your children equally.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-89154886263894470062014-06-08T06:41:15.860-05:002014-06-08T06:41:15.860-05:00Will Kitty be able to understand and remember the ...Will Kitty be able to understand and remember the terms of the boarder agreement? What will you do if she violates the terms of the agreement or refuses to pay rent? Will you require either of your bio children to adhere to the same agreement?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-77930305960486015182014-06-07T12:51:09.344-05:002014-06-07T12:51:09.344-05:00We looked into JobCorps for Bear. His main reason...We looked into JobCorps for Bear. His main reason for not going was the structure of having to live on a closed campus during the week - pretty ironic considering where he is now. We never really considered it for Kitty for many reasons. <br /><br />1) We were told by the school guidance counselor and a few other people that a lot of the kids are put there by court order (to avoid time in juvie or jail). Which means most of the other kids would be terrifying for Kitty. <br />2) She's pretty sheltered and has grown to expect a certain level of comforts (we're not upper middle class, but we're probably close). She was not happy in residential treatment. <br />3) Since she's completed high school, the main goal at JobCorp would be to teach her some kind of trade. Bear was happy with a lot of the options- most of which were more "blue collar" (welding was his first choice). Kitty's expectations (unrealistic though they might be) are all about things like flight attendant, preschool teacher - she wants jobs where she doesn't have to make any physical effort at all.marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-58970699577432366472014-06-07T09:05:05.007-05:002014-06-07T09:05:05.007-05:00Have you suggested JobCorps or Americorps to Kitty...Have you suggested JobCorps or Americorps to Kitty? <br /><br />I've several bloggy friends with Kitty-like kids (adopted, FASD, borderline IQ, co-occurring MI) whose kids have thrived in these sorts of programs -- programs that provide housing, GED classes, job training, etc.<br /><br />Blessesby10.blogspot.com -- daughter with FASD in AmeriCorps<br /><br />Fletcherclan.blogspot.com -- two sons and one daughter with FASD + trauma soup did great in JobCorpsCayleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01734148340358452640noreply@blogger.com