tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post2203541945262312910..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: At what point do you let go?marythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-82686822386105846832013-03-22T07:13:51.962-05:002013-03-22T07:13:51.962-05:00You're not wrong for caring about Bear and try...You're not wrong for caring about Bear and trying to help him. He is your son; are you supposed to refuse to take his calls and abandon him to whatever fate has in store for him? Prison is a horrifying place, especially for first-time offenders who are young and vulnerable as Bear is. They need advocates on the outside who are willing to assist them in getting their needs met.<br />I have no idea why the prison administrator found the lawyer's letter so disturbing that he threatened to retaliate by sending Bear back to a pod where he had been beaten but that kind of attitude is not okay. The ACLU is usually very helpful in advocating for prisoners who are being denied basic necessities, and psych meds ARE a necessity for Bear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-41456370228844850002013-03-21T19:38:35.314-05:002013-03-21T19:38:35.314-05:00Lisa - You're right, Lisa. Bear will never ge...Lisa - You're right, Lisa. Bear will never get it. He'll be mad at me next week for something else, probably NOT doing something for him. Hubby does get it, but doesn't want to believe it. I'll probably continue to try to support Hubby's wishes, but will continue to take care of myself and keep the rest of the family as priorities. <br /><br />Kari O - Apparently they do care about calls from Mom (if she's backed up by an attorney). Also, I have power of attorney so I can do some advocating for him, since he is not really capable of advocating for himself due to his severe issues. That being said, I'm done. I will not be advocating for him anymore.marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-708180855052063162013-03-21T13:49:35.136-05:002013-03-21T13:49:35.136-05:00I don't want to sound cruel, but your adult so...I don't want to sound cruel, but your adult son is in jail, and headed to prison.<br /><br />They do not care about calls from Mom. He will need to advocate for himself, or through his attorney.Kari Onoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-65251736137816067402013-03-20T15:19:31.768-05:002013-03-20T15:19:31.768-05:00The fact of the matter is this - Bear is going to ...The fact of the matter is this - Bear is going to drown no matter how much you do for him. The only difference is that you are going to drown right along with him if you continue doing the things you're doing. He is very clear that he doesn't want your help. He is even making things worse in his zeal to get you off his back. As long as you are giving help and advice, he is convincing himself that he knows better, is smarter and can handle it all himself - and hating you for it. What's wrong with letting him know that you are going to step back and let him handle things, but that if he needs your assistance with meds (or whatever you decide the boundaries to be) that you are willing to help in any way you know how - but only if he asks. Maybe after a few months he will concede that things aren't going as smoothly as he thinks.<br /><br />His perception of how he's taken care of himself all this time on his own is only a small indicator of his distorted thinking. The one thing I've learned (the hard way over and over) is that their reality doesn't really have to be based on the facts, and when it isn't, there is no reasoning with them. I know it is so painful to watch, but this is real life and unless you have guardianship (and lots of times even when you do), he is legally able to make his own decisions - which he's been doing. YOU are doing all the work on improving his life and he's fighting you every step of the way. Let your husband field the phone calls and advocate for him - I think he will find out quickly that helping Bear isn't as easy as it may seem. Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14612523674452864077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-7157642948890040292013-03-20T03:04:37.500-05:002013-03-20T03:04:37.500-05:00Let your husband deal with Baer if he. what bear i...Let your husband deal with Baer if he. what bear is doing is not your fault and you can't stop him anyway.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com