tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post3783720450647432375..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: Consequences versus Privilegesmarythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-70744415248545971562010-10-11T22:59:35.660-05:002010-10-11T22:59:35.660-05:00RADMom- thanks! On our chore chart we have checkl...RADMom- thanks! On our chore chart we have checklists for each child, for each day, with chores broken down into smaller components (instead of just saying "clean room" - it says things like OWN ROOM - __pick up/ dust, __vacuum , __room trash, __strip and make bed, __put away clothes. Each component has a spot for the child to check off, and if they don't do it then I X through the item. If they don't do it but check that they did, then I usually write LIE on it. At the end of the week I total their earned allowance and write it on the next week's chart. We make fairly frequent changes to the chart so each week I print out a new chart.<br /><br />Mama Drama x2 - Just to be clear, this was a brainstorming list of possible options, definitely not all of them would happen every time! They are pretty much all options we've used in the past though, but it depended on the child and what they could handle and what was most effective.<br /><br />Yes, I've contacted Annie. I'm going to meet her there I think. I've found someone to go with too (she lives in San Antonio so she's going to let me crash there and I won't have to pay for a hotel room! Yea!). THANK YOU!! THANK YOU for the tickets!!<br /><br />Mary in TXmarythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-88986157719154846552010-10-11T20:38:38.732-05:002010-10-11T20:38:38.732-05:00I can't decide if I should have my kids read y...I can't decide if I should have my kids read your consequence list - or just send my kids to live with you for a few weeks... Hmmmm. Since I like you, I'll just have them read your post. Oh - have you gotten in touch with Annie yet???- she has your tickets.Mama Drama Times Twohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04935810256080795505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-88815264519268212412010-10-11T12:14:18.613-05:002010-10-11T12:14:18.613-05:00I like how you had the family meeting so the kids ...I like how you had the family meeting so the kids are coming up with setting their own consequences which demonstrates how significant not doing their chores and "being part of the family" is for everyone. That's how I see it anyway. It's not like "Mom, it's no big deal if I don't do that..." It is a big deal. But I totally agree with you that it could easily appear like punishments depend on how you spin in. They are not being punished but not being rewarded with privileges. It's all how you spin it and your word choices. It is so easy to get caught up in the negativity of consequences. I know I do. Also, what you might want to try to do, something that works for Penelope and I - I have a white board hung in our hall outside her door, but paper would work fine. I list our chores, including mine so she sees it's about being part of family and not some violation of a child labor law (she's made such accusations before!) One column for her and one column for me. I break out the chores into some detail so there is more to cross off when done, but not too much to overwhelm. Part of the act of crossing it off the list is rewarding. Plus, I also make her let me know when SHE thinks a chore is done so that I can check it. As the MOM/BOSS I decide if the chore meets expectations. It can be time consuming but it reinforces "who's the boss" issue as well as gives me an opportunity to reward her for a job well done - even when it's not complete. "Wow! This room looks so much better! Now if that desk was cleaned off, I could say it's done. I can't wait to see how nice it will look when it's done.. Let me know when I can check it again." Stuff like that.RADMomINohiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16479673428163793816noreply@blogger.com