tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post875921703854899103..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: Kitty meltdownsmarythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-24930561824613570162011-09-14T13:48:26.865-05:002011-09-14T13:48:26.865-05:00How frustrating!! My kids do the "come check...How frustrating!! My kids do the "come check my chores" dealie when they most definitely haven't. I think they count on me being too busy/tired/fed up to check them again and again - and truthfully, I am all of those things. I always question why there is ALWAYS (and I am not exaggerating here) something left out after the kitchen is supposedly done being cleaned, or just always something undone, when I am very, very specific about what I expect. I do not expect it to be perfect, just follow the stinkin' guidelines and we will be DONE. I question whether it's poor memory or a control issue.<br /><br />My 16 yo is home schooled and she always seems to have a stomach ache, headache, etc. when I'm cleaning or working on something. I give her zero sympathy at this point and just tell her to go lay down until she feels better. No tv, no reading, no trips to the store, no nothing until she feels well enough to get on with life. It is not what she's looking for so she gets better real quick. This, of course, reinforces my feelings that everything is about control.<br /><br />So sorry Kitty needs so much right now. I understand our kids need to be treated their emotional age in addition to their chronological ages at times, but the rest of the world is not going to acknowledge that when they hit 18. No employer is going to back off because Kitty is acting 4 and pretends she doesn't know how to do something correctly. I can't seem to let that go - the fact that our kids will be living in the "world" sooner rather than later and that no one else is going to put up with this crap. I worry about them being hurt even worse as adults who cannot function in society.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14612523674452864077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-44389920299957300022011-09-13T14:37:14.703-05:002011-09-13T14:37:14.703-05:00My immediate thoughts?
1. She is SO like Ms. A; an...My immediate thoughts?<br />1. She is SO like Ms. A; and Ms A, I finally realized, cannot help it. It is brain damage. Doesn't make it less frustrating though.<br />2. Some of the stuff you describe is clearly fear-based, and once there, she *can't* control the tantrums (or have good memory of them.) I think her apologizing is a way of admitting she can't control them, and I understand her feeling even worse about herself when her apology wasn't accepted. <br />3. Not doing the chores was her way of saying she needed to be babied. She has a lot of being babied to catch up on. Of COURSE this is contradictory. She is working hard at trying to gain control of herself and when she is in control and not feeling highly vunerable, she wants to be the person she IS. But when she's been hurt and inside has turned into a 2-year-old (not necessarily disassociation) she needs the sort of regulatory help a baby needs. (Note, also, that she may be reverting to even younger, to a pre-verbal phase, and that would limit her ability to recount her actions.) Just like Ms A, Kitty is 2 and 6 and 8 and 14 all in one body and as a result of a damaged brain. She may be able to disassociate, almost certainly not consciously controlled, but that doesn't mean DID -- one doesn't develop that after (I think) about age 3. And she isn't trying to do it! She seems to try very hard to get control afterwards.<br />Re-read some of my posts about when I disassociate. I don't like it, I want to be normal, I try to find a way to re-join reality, and I am often qutie sorry that I wasn't able to be "there" for my family while I was "gone". I can watch myself let them down and not be able to DO anything about it and it is a horrible feeling. <br /><br />Please try not to hold Kitty's need to be her real aga against her need to be a baby. She is both. Try not to do the "but yesterday you wanted ..." It is what it is, she needs parenting for both stages.<br /><br />I sure would have freaked at being locked out!<br /><br />I do so understand your need for her to start being, acting, more grown-up. But, as I've said before, without work to help her brain develop (and not the academic parts), she may never grow "enough".<br /><br />If the med might make her manic, it might affect her sleep. What sort of sleep side-effects are reported? Isn't she one who tends toward the rarer reactions? Who knows what is going on in her brain and body when she lies down to sleep. I feel empathy for her, and sorry for her. Do you have any gentle meditative music? if she could focus on the music, that may help her brain calm down enough to sleep (it can work well for me.)<br /><br />How about asking the p-doc for a TRIAL of, say 8-hour am*ien? What does she report afterwards? How does she act afterwards? You have control of the pills ... if nothing else it may point the finger at her other med(s)? as being too stimulating. (Does she take them at night or in the morning?) <br /><br />OK, I'm done beating you up. It is SO easy to give others advice, so much harder to live it yourself. I am trying to force you to accept stuff that I was never able to accept, so I empathize a WHOLE LOT with you, too. <br /><br />I'm sorry it is the way it is.<br /><br />{{{Hugs}}}Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-29971399804083803892011-09-13T08:32:48.475-05:002011-09-13T08:32:48.475-05:00So sorry for all the "schools in now let'...So sorry for all the "schools in now let's all freak out" crap you guys are dealing with. Stay strong. hugsbeemommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08938594411342422060noreply@blogger.com