tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post2859030355786891051..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: Am I a Vindictive Witch?marythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-79086628144719884352010-10-09T11:55:13.896-05:002010-10-09T11:55:13.896-05:00When you're burned out it is easier to slip of...When you're burned out it is easier to slip off the tightrope once in a while. Forgive yourself. You are walking thru a minefield every single day and doing the best you can. You already know that when you allow him to go to the game he'll screw up. That's what he does. I'm not saying HE'S a screwup, I'm saying he makes bad choices and what he's learned so far is all he has to do is suck up for a day or two just to get what he wants and then treat you like shit again. There's is no real affection and change in him and you're holding on and doing what you can. As a parent you know he should have easy attainable goals to be successful. As his parent you know that he will screw his successful moment up most of the time. I love the idea of charting all day. That way you can gauge whether you've slipped over to the dark side or being consistent. Sometimes they feel the same don't they? No advice because I don't live you're life, but I learn a lot from you <3cshellzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05962995921020881222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-84083353813717006252010-10-04T23:42:10.838-05:002010-10-04T23:42:10.838-05:00"reduced to a miserable existence, with littl..."reduced to a miserable existence, with little reason to think things can improve. What a sad, discouraging life that must be for a young person."<br /><br />Yes and no. He has not been "reduced" to a miserable existence. He's always had a miserable existence with us trying to show him how to get out of it. He has had a horribly tough life and came to us damaged and angry. I don't know if he really "chooses" this existence or not, but he can't seem to get away from it. This miserable existence is his life and I don't know how to help him. I'm not sure he wants me to. It's a miserable place, but he's familiar with it and it feels safe.<br /><br />I struggle with how he makes me feel for trying to pull him out of this existence and yes, he does have the capability of poking me and getting me to react the way he expects me to. Love and trust scare the "heck" out of him and I'm the scariest of them all, therefore he pushes me away the hardest. He's almost succeeded in pushing me away hard enough, but I keep finding strength from you guys to keep coming back.<br /><br />Marymarythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-13469433532007302462010-10-04T22:42:30.979-05:002010-10-04T22:42:30.979-05:00I tried to leave a comment very similar to Denise&...I tried to leave a comment very similar to Denise's earlier, but just couldn't seem to word it right. It seems to me that Bear has been reduced to a miserable existence, with little reason to think things can improve. What a sad, discouraging life that must be for a young person.happyhands4jesushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14911333539213474324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-51475962722580330362010-10-03T22:48:11.069-05:002010-10-03T22:48:11.069-05:00I have to ask a question. I raised 3 "normal...I have to ask a question. I raised 3 "normal" boys so I have no concept of what you're going through (except from reading your blog) and my boys were allowed to play sports, etc. Yes, they got into trouble from time to time, but I recognize that they are not Bear. <br /><br />So with that in mind, I have to ask: What does Bear have to live for? What joy does he have in his life? You've told him he won't be allowed to go for his chosen future (armed forces). You've elimited his extra-curricular activities. You've restricted his friends and girlfriends. You've grounded him to having to hang out with his parents and grandparents (every teen's dream.) You've alluded that if he improves his grades and does his chores you'll allow him to go to a school-sponsored and chaperoned event, then taken it away from him at the last minute. If I were him, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. I would resent the hell out of you and make your life an emotional hell. <br /><br />So tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, because from the outside looking in.... well, I'm confused. Are you trying to make him hate you so he'll move out as soon as he's legally able? <br /><br />Please don't hate me after this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-16626440180215647742010-10-03T21:51:40.542-05:002010-10-03T21:51:40.542-05:00when I feel like I'm walking that tightrope li...when I feel like I'm walking that tightrope line between being a therapeutic parent and being a wicked witch, I start charting my child's behavior. Three times a day: morning, homework hour and evening. I write down things like how many prompts they need to do routines, their attitudes, their emotional status, if they are compliant, etc. Then I have an objective POV of their behaviors and I can gauge my response to those behaviors accordingly. I never use that chart to discipline - only as a gauge. The child I'm charting never sees the chart. Period. and some times I've taken the chart to the pdoc and used it as proof of a need for more med.<br /><br />I also highly recommend moodchart dot org. It is useful for charting the bipolar swings in our kids with the point of determining a cycle. For Sissy, it showed her 15 day rage cycle and got her the BPI diagnosisIntegrity Singerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09196095126605205738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-64095633444779900892010-10-03T20:12:43.567-05:002010-10-03T20:12:43.567-05:00I'm at that place too with my 17 yo dd and it ...I'm at that place too with my 17 yo dd and it stinks doesn't it? Here we are, going to therapy, doing all of this exhaustive supervising and teaching (and reteaching ad nauseum) and then there are way too many days that I cannot even stand the sound of her voice anymore. I know exactly what my daughter is capable of and I know that when I give in the slightest bit she will immediately start being argumentative again (which makes me crazy) and I will feel like I have to start all over again, setting boundaries, setting limits. I mean, we are doing all of this for THEM, right? We want them to have a better life and we cannot even fathom admitting that it's time to throw in the towel and just supervise them until they turn 18 and then wave good bye as they run out the door to their new, better, funner life. Yet, every single time they want something and really make an effort towards getting it, it makes us mad because we want them to be nice and turn in their homework and do their chores for US. We want them to get better for US and want to please US and not just do nice things to get their way. It just makes me nuts thinking about it.<br /><br />I think it would have hurt my feelings if the counselor would have said that to me too. I think we both are taking things way too personally, but I am at a loss as to how to stop doing that. Any ideas??Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14612523674452864077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-71854768791248816622010-10-03T19:21:50.039-05:002010-10-03T19:21:50.039-05:00Even if you are *vindictive and petty* when it com...Even if you are *vindictive and petty* when it comes to Bear, that does NOT mean that is how you are in general. Everybody has a limit and maybe, for right now, you have reached your limit of Bear. Maybe you have to back off and not care so much for a while. {{{Hugs}}}GB's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08866513131959998883noreply@blogger.com