tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post7221693005752801157..comments2023-12-26T17:10:25.915-06:00Comments on Muddling through Mayhem: Kleenex Girlsmarythemomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-72209304000722927582012-12-19T14:36:48.935-06:002012-12-19T14:36:48.935-06:00I've found the gf's moms were more likely ...I've found the gf's moms were more likely to dismiss me with, "I trust my daughter." The girls I've spoken to are usually already in the process of breaking up with him so are more willing to believe. Doesn't end the relationships, but might keep her from getting strung along.marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-45268117014629505662012-12-19T14:35:30.172-06:002012-12-19T14:35:30.172-06:00Anonymous - I don't think I'm trying to co...Anonymous - I don't think I'm trying to convice the world my kids are horrible. They're not. I just want to help them, and for that I need a lot of support.<br /><br />Kathleen - I found that the gf's moms would dismiss me with, "I trust my daughter." I usually didn't get to meet the girls at all, but when I did it was toward the end of the relationship. My warnings usually just stop them from having to deal with dragging it out.marythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-61965507517988317962012-12-19T13:14:26.424-06:002012-12-19T13:14:26.424-06:00In our experience, telling the girls never worked....In our experience, telling the girls never worked. One son moved in with a girl and her parents when he was 18 and she was 14. By 19 & 16, they had a son. They're not together any longer.<br /><br />At 21, he moved in with a new gf (16) and her mom. He's now moved to another state so I don't know what's going on with him, but this gf's mom was *stunned* after he left when she figured out there was hanky-panky going on under her roof.<br /><br />When people don't want to hear, they won't.Kathleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00109103356308655727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-40977061774123367112012-11-30T14:48:45.492-06:002012-11-30T14:48:45.492-06:00When are you going to stop trying to convince the ...When are you going to stop trying to convince the world how horrible your kids are??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-82219201371423470782012-11-29T00:03:08.703-06:002012-11-29T00:03:08.703-06:00Bear very carefully kept me away from his girlfrie...Bear very carefully kept me away from his girlfriends and their families (I think I quietly warned one too many and he figured it out).<br /><br />The sad part for me is that he may never be ready for a relationship, but he's constantly trying.<br /><br />Marymarythemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08205319256573120866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-31697109785696231762012-11-28T19:03:10.137-06:002012-11-28T19:03:10.137-06:00If these girls are under 18, I'd consider tell...If these girls are under 18, I'd consider telling their parents, as well. If they are sort of not the sharpest sticks in the bunch, it's likely their (bio?) parents are also lacking in certain skills. But again, "fair warning," and covering your own tush in the process, as well. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-38562348677350280692012-11-26T11:23:56.024-06:002012-11-26T11:23:56.024-06:00I think you have done the right thing. She wanted...I think you have done the right thing. She wanted to know and you have told her (and more.) If Bear gets this girl pregnant and tries to parent a child, what kind of damage will be perpetuated? The cycle needs to break somewhere and you can be the voice to say, "Fair warning." Almond Teahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01541664159980900192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-6207131108981085062012-11-26T08:04:22.169-06:002012-11-26T08:04:22.169-06:00I think I'd try to warn the girls if they'...I think I'd try to warn the girls if they've moved on - not just for their sake but also for Bear's. he needs to focus on getting back on his meds and learning the skills to keep him out of trouble- not on relationships that will continue to be unhealthy. And the part of you who wants to contribute to the greater good (which is why you took on kids with a very high level of need) isn't going to stand by and watch someone get hurt. (Now of you warn them and they make the same choice, that's a different situation.) <br /><br />You blog very honestly about the challenges of raising older adoptive children with a severe trauma history. It may come across as mean but I view it as honest. Thank you for your honesty. It has taught me quite a lot about issues that may arise for my kids- and the resources that might be available to them.Foster Mom - Rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10730691773432322264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-52573082602156741012012-11-26T07:01:14.727-06:002012-11-26T07:01:14.727-06:00Judging by her email I doubt the girl would unders...Judging by her email I doubt the girl would understand words like "volatile" and "idealize." <br />Miz Kizzlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05650747741395559803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3852422397272068136.post-47404461418216302842012-11-26T06:23:05.561-06:002012-11-26T06:23:05.561-06:00I would tell the girls. I wouldn't hunt them ...I would tell the girls. I wouldn't hunt them down and force them to listen, but if the opportunity is there, I would simply tell them the truth. I personally feel a sense of responsibility (even though I did not neglect my kids or cause their attachment issues - I thank their bio families for that) to society that I have unleashed this person into their midst. I would never forgive myself if I had the opportunity to save someone from one of my kids' sociopathic tendencies and didn't. I used to be so scared that my kids would be the ones victimized by the evils of this world (and face it, they will be, by someone even more disturbed than they are), but the thought of someone I helped to raise victimizing another person just sickens me. This is just ME, my take on it. You cannot save everyone and some (if not all) of these girls will believe what they want to believe anyway. Bear is not picking girls that are, not to be unkind, "the cream of the crop" to begin with. However, they are someone's daughters, sisters, etc. and they all deserve to be treated better than Bear is treating them.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14612523674452864077noreply@blogger.com