This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, May 10, 2013

The RAD Stink


We call it the "RAD Stink." You've heard of the "smell of fear"? Well, the smell of dysregulation in attachment-disordered kids can smell like feces and the worst body odor you can imagine. 

"This is just a thought and not based on any scientific anything but, if our body uses/produces hormones when under stress and stress is a toxin to the body - then that toxin overload having a bad smell is not too surprising, is it? I sometimes think of our RADlings as a wild animal that has gotten cornered with no way out. Think of what that wild animal would look like - think of how that wild animal would respond to any attempt you would make to get close to it - now think if that animal was a skunk - yeah.....that folks is our Radlings!! Poor babies!! We are trying to care for the love child of a porcupine and a skunk....and we don't want to get hurt or smell bad in the process. It just can't happen."  ~ A Trauma Mama

When we first smelled this foul odor coming from Kitty, we assumed Kitty was lying about bathing and hygiene, wearing dirty clothes, and/or not wiping well (all behaviors that are typical for people who have been sexually abused)... and there was certainly evidence of that. In her former foster home, she’d had major problems with encopresis that was determined to be behavioral (but we discovered later could have had a physiological source).

One year when Kitty was really emotionally unstable, her school sent her home several times because the other kids and teachers couldn't tolerate the smell (to the point that they were gagging and nauseous).  We did everything we could think of to help her. We kept a change of clothes at school and the school sometimes had her use alcohol-based waterless hand soap on her underarms (which did help).  At home, I supervised her showers (as much as possible without invading her privacy), making sure she shaved her armpits, used soap everywhere, and used shampoo. We also checked her bedding (she would often wet the bed and continue to sleep in it night after night).  While she did have issues with all of these, none of them really explained the stink. 

We finally connected that the more dysregulated Kitty became, the worse the stink. That year, she was in and out of psych hospitals. Kitty's smell issues may have improved because we changed her meds, she's slowly healing from the trauma, she's becoming more attached to the family, feels safer, she's older, she's learning to take better care of her body... who knows?

You've heard people say, "He reeked of fear." Her smell was like anxiety pheromones were oozing out of her pores. When she finally got emotionally regulated, the stink dialed back to normal levels (well, "normal" for a teenager with hygiene issues). 

"My kid with RAD (age four at the time) had BO like a teenager. It could knock you over. She only has it now during high anxiety times. She's 8 and not hit puberty, but she can smell rancid, and no amount of showering or deodorant covers it up.

My other kid with less RAD, more FASD, has a different kind of body odor and is often drenched in sweat from high anxiety. His is more of a sweet stench than the other that will make one dry heave." ~ A Trauma Mama

Possible Causes:
  • Special Diets/allergies, intolerances - Individuals who are vegetarian, vegan, and omnivores often have distinctive odors from each other. People suffering from allergies and intolerances can have somatic reactions. 
  • Change in diet or parasites - particularly children adopted from foreign countries. 
  • Medications
  • Hormones! You've got to love puberty. *sigh*
  • "RAD odor" - A lot of people talk about a specific RAD odor that ALL RAD kids have whether from an orphanage, foster care, or family of origin- sometimes compared to animals who use smell defensively. It's in their hair, their skin, their used clothing, and doesn't alleviate until they've been in attachment therapy for a long time and are attaching to their family. The theory being that they subconsciously want to push everyone away.  It's often worse when they are dysregulated.
  • "Smell of fear" - you've heard people talking about the smell of fear, I imagine this would be particularly intensified in a child of trauma
  • Stress/nervousness - many children interpret the world differently and feel criticized and attacked constantly. The body does strange things under stress (hand and body sweating, intestinal gas, nervous tics...). Gassy/ potty smells  - stress can cause the digestive system and gastrointestinal issues to flare.
  • Waste disposal - our bodies also release waste through the skin, particularly the soles of the feet and the palms of the hands.
  • Underwear issues - many kids don't wipe, Kids who are frequently constipated might "leak" during the day.
  • Hydration issues - many parents talked about the fact that their child's urine was much stronger smelling than normal. This could be in part to not drinking enough which would concentrate the urine,
  • Hygiene Skills - maybe the child doesn't know how to properly clean themselves, brush his/her teeth, or when to change undergarments. Kitty once went almost 6 months using only conditioner with no shampoo (we found out when she told the hairstylist who was cutting out the ratty knots in her hair). Can unwashed hair grease go rancid? How can we be sure the child is washing his/her hair all the way down to the scalp?
  • Forgetful poor self-care/hygiene. The child might forget or get distracted from taking care of themselves and their hygiene. 
  • Deliberately poor self-care/hygieneSome children deliberately don't take care of themselves because of control issues, poor self-worth, trying to prove parents will reject them by making themselves objectionable/unappealing...
  • Sexually abused children often try to make themselves "less attractive" with poor hygiene. Kitty would sleep in urine-soaked sheets for weeks if they weren't discovered. Bear wore multiple layers of clothing at all times and usually only changed the outermost layer (I refuse to think about how long he wore the same pair of underwear, undershirt, and socks. 
  • Stubborness! - Bob once went 6 months wearing Crocs with no socks. The school called me and asked me to pick her up because the other children were complaining of her foot odor (we had to throw the shoes away - even Febreeze and washing them couldn't get the smell out). She ignored me when I told her that kids need clean socks, and more than one pair of shoes to give the other a chance to air out. My kids often got obsessed with one pair of shoes and refused to change them (Bob's Crocs, Ponito's Heelys).
  • Laundry - even my neurotypical child is comforted by wearing the same clothes over and over (without washing). He also just reuses socks over and over rather than trying to find clean ones.
  • Inability to let go - just like Bear never throws anything away, a lot of children feel that what comes out of them is part of them (flushing BMs can be a traumatic part of potty training). This can lead to food hoarding, pack rats, and even the inability to allow laundry to leave the room to be washed.
  • Allergies - food, seasonal, environmental allergies. These can cause all sorts of body reactions - hives, gastrointestinal, foul breath due to sore throats, ear infections... Hubby and Bear are both allergic to underarm deodorant (and all shaving creams), causing big problems, as you can well imagine. Hubby is also allergic to Bromine so most carbonated beverages give him gas issues.
  • Masking odors - Bear tends to cover up smells with layer after layer of deodorant/ body wash/ cologne... rather than actually doing a good job cleaning. He frequently walks in a cloud. Not sure why he does this.
  • Somatic issues - I know most people would rather not talk about itches, rashes, sores, and pain - especially in "private areas." Our kids often won't tell us anything (whether it's "private" or not). Whether it's because they don't trust us to take care of it, don't feel worthy of proper care, or they actually don't have enough somatic feelings to recognize body pain/discomfort (which is why Kitty's constipation went unrecognized for so many years). We found out about Bear's hemorrhoids because he told the doctor at the RTC - he would never have told us.
  • Control issues - there are often very few things children have control over. What goes into and out of their bodies is usually one of the few areas they have control over. Anorexia is VERY common in kids of trauma - not only because they hate their bodies (they often hate themselves, so it's only natural that they hate their bodies), but it is also a major control issue - no one can make you eat (well, not until you get to the hospital stage).

Things that might help:




Underarm - One thing we like is that waterless antibacterial soap. It works well for underarm issues and other stinky areas because it seems to kill the bacteria that make the smell and have fewer allergens (depending on the kind you buy).

Stinky feet - We used the waterless antibacterial soap. Someone suggested soaking smelly feet in black tea or vinegar. I've used bleach water to cure fungus and athlete's foot. Socks and shoes that "breathe" and have as few synthetic materials as possible. Multiple pairs of shoes to give them time to completely dry/air out. Try laundry sheets (like Bounce) in them. Something called Gran's Remedy is supposed to work well.

Laundry - Half a cup to a full cup of vinegar or ammonia in each laundry load might help. I often add hydrogen peroxide to my whites.

Breath and general BO - change in diet, watch for allergies (lactose intolerance is a common one), and carbonated beverages. Check for parasites. Try acidophilus (sp?) which can be found in yogurt and can also be taken as a supplement.

Talk To Your Child's Doctor -  Unusual smells are significant and should always be mentioned to a doctor so they can check and make sure all is well.

"They make hunting products that are very good at removing any scent or stink. Heck, the stuff I use will take the onion or fish smell right off your hands!  

Bleach water will take the stink out of anything plastic!" - a Trauma Papa"

Here's a funny commercial for an "anywhere" and "everything" all-natural deodorant.






1 comment:

Sandra Zimmerman said...

Just found your blog and I think you are onto something here! Our son has a "smell" as well. Never could figure out what it was