More on Medication

Hubby grew up in a 'don't take meds or see a doctor unless you're dying' household. He rarely even takes a Tylenol for a headache, and will only take an allergy med if he's completely miserable (for those of you who don't know, if you don't have allergies when you come to TX, TX will give them to you). Hubby cannot imagine taking meds for the rest of your life.

I grew up with a mom who was universally allergic at one point (ironically she moved to TX because she assumed it was a desert state and would have fewer allergens), has high cholesterol, panic disorder, bipolar disorder... (hope that was OK to share Mom). We were military (meaning human guinea pigs) and seeing a doctor was always free.

I think I'm somewhere in between. I take medication for a headache only if someone forces me to (luckily I rarely get headaches), or if a fever is at least over 103, if I'm so stuffed up I'm drowning, or if I have an infection...

On the other hand I have 2 kids with major trauma and mental illnesses. They take meds for their bipolar disorder, and the one with severe ADHD takes meds for it. Hubby doesn't have a lot of problems with these (although he hates the sheer number of meds they take and the thought that they have to take them for the rest of their lives), but most of their major issues cannot be "fixed" by medication (C-PTSD, RAD...), and are trauma based not biologically based.

Experts say some symptoms (like insomnia, anxiety, restlessness, irritability...) can be alleviated, even though it doesn't cure or effect the actual diagnoses (like trauma based issues) and I'm all for medicating those too, because in my opinion you can't work on healing trauma if you can't sleep, focus, sit still, react normally to external stimuli (like someone saying, "you dropped jelly on the counter," which, in my opinion, should not trigger a screaming rage but has)...

So in Hubby's opinion, I allow my kids to be over-medicated. I disagree. They are on lots of meds, but it took time to find the right meds and good combinations that worked for their individual body chemistry. They are already taking fewer meds than they did 2 years ago. I think a lot of this is due to the fact that they could focus on internal healing when their outside world didn't feel totally chaotic. (I hope it goes without saying that we are not addressing anyone's needs and issues with ONLY medications).

I think it's like surgically inserting a pin in the leg of someone with a shattered bone and giving them a crutch, a cast and major pain meds. The cast keeps things stable while the body works on mending and healing. The crutch helps them be able to do the things they would normally be able to do if they hadn't broken the leg (like walk and go to school). The pin is necessary to give the remaining bones something to heal around. There is scientific evidence that the body heals better when it is not in pain so you need the pain meds.

Some drugs are casts and crutches and will not be needed down the road. Other drugs are like the pin and the body wouldn't work without them. I will not allow my children to be drugged into zombies, and when the child is stable I will start looking at lessening or removing their meds (or amping up therapy treatment) - for as long as they continue to make progress healing.

Hubby obviously sees meds differently - maybe more like an engineer?

He feels it is possible to heal most things without medication. If you're "strong enough." You could use alternate methods to mend a broken leg that weren't as invasive or long term as a pin. You don't have to get up and move around so a crutch isn't totally necessary. Legs don't have to be straight to work so a cast isn't required either. We've all heard of "that guy" who was able to drag himself off a mountain and survive with 2 broken legs, 2 broken arms and nothing but a toothpick and a breathmint...

Hubby has probably been clinically depressed more than once in his life (although he'd never see a therapist or a doctor), but he survives without meds. He was diagnosed with GERD and Allergic Rhinitis (not as bad as it sounds and has nothing to do with rhinocerouses although he coughs like one), but he ignores them and lives without meds (except for the occasional Tums). I don't know if it's a good thing that he's been depressed and know how it feels or a bad thing because he handles it without meds.

Most importantly, mental illness, especially non-biologically based illnesses like C-PTSD and RAD in addition to not responding well to meds, are not like pink eye, diabetes or cancer or something where you see the results of taking or not taking meds.

I did discover that part of the reason why Hubby has been so opposed to me taking meds was he thought they were not working. It seemed to him that I was taking more and more with no effect. During a recent therapy session I was able to point out to him a couple of important things:

1. Meds don't work the same for everyone. I tried Lexapro (recently mentioned in a comment by someone it works well for) and it was HORRIBLE for me! True, I was not feeling the overwhelming stress anymore, but I also didn't feel ANYthing! I was like a robot (and robots do not "cuddle" if you know what I mean). Plus, I started having horrible side effects that got even worse as I went off the med (which apparently is common - this is one scary drug). So while it seemed to Hubby that the meds were not working, or were having horrible side effects... he was right. And that's just how it is.

2. I have been adjusting meds, trying new medications and trying new combos for a relatively brief period of time (less than 3 years). There isn't really an exact science. Sometimes I forget to take meds (I'm really bad about this) and lately I've been tapering on and off meds as we have the money for them. There has only been a very brief period of time when I was on my current med combination (which I think is right, although I'm not sure), and that was weeks ago. There are side effects from going on and off my meds too.

Hubby hadn't realized how little I'd actually been on all of my meds - he just assumed they were not working.

3. Hubby's biggest complaint was that if I didn't need them before we got the kids then I must not really need them at all because "if" I'm bipolar (I'm at least 3rd generation) that hasn't changed.

a. If it's due to my stress levels then we should just remove the stress so I can go back to functioning without meds. On this we're just going to have to disagree because my kids are my biggest source of stress and they can't be removed until they all move out/ graduate (assuming they miraculously stop causing me stress at that point).

b. I probably needed meds before, but like a headache, I didn't do anything about it until it started interfering with my life, and nothing brings parent's issues to the surface faster than RAD kids right?! After all, I have been in and out of therapy my whole life and was on meds briefly in college.

c. If it's due to the fact that I don't sleep, eat well or exercise, then I don't need meds. I just need to start (or stop) doing these things. Of course he's right these things make it worse, but they are also common symptoms of being depressed and stressed (and the sleep could be a med side effect), so not being on meds could keep that from changing. Add in the guilt I feel for being a fat, lazy slob who is addicted to her computer... and it's a never ending cycle.

4. Alternately he's argued that I've always been under a lot of stress and had issues like hating my job and insecurities about what other people think about me, and that meds are not helping these and are not designed to help those so why bother. This goes back to the alleviating the symptoms - which I'm all for for both the kids and myself.

Thanks Struggling to Stand for pointing out that by going on and off meds they may not work when I go back on them. *sigh* One more thing to worry about. This happened to my grandfather though so definitely a concern. So far so good though, and I've gone off and on them so much I think I'd have seen it.