Where have I been?

Well I had a job interview on Friday. I think I did very well, but I'm not sure if this job is the right job for me. It's working with a therapeutic foster care agency called The Bair Foundation as an intake director.

My job would be finding, interviewing and training potential foster parents. It's something I would be good at, but would be making less than half of what I make in salary now (if I were making a salary that is). This concerned the staffing agency as well, but I told them that I was looking at this as volunteer work that would still allow me to contribute to my family (I implied Hubby was drawing a salary).

This would also be a major step back for me career-wise, which would not help me with future jobs. Hubby is a little upset with me, for not applying for higher level jobs, because I think I'm not qualified. He has been teasing me that I'm taking a job at McDonalds (because the pay is so low).

Last concern is a big one. The hours are probably going to include a lot of nights and weekends. That may be a deal killer.

I just haven't found any better jobs that appeal to me though (and that I feel qualified for). I really want a job that allows me to help others. I have some networking resources I haven't tapped yet. Will try to get off my rear and get my resume out to them.

I've really got to do something soon though. We can't afford our health insurance and I have run out of almost all my meds for my bipolar disorder. The kids have Medicaid so their meds and Kitty's therapy are covered, but their psychiatrist and pediatrician do not take Medicaid.

Had a long talk with the kids' biograndmother I need to post about.

Word cloud 2

New word cloud. The more you mention a word the bigger it is in the cloud.

LOL! Think I may mention birthday cake a little too much on this blog?!

Media and RAD

Michael is an adult RAD survivor. He is not a licensed therapist, but I see him as an expert in his field. He recently wrote a blog post called Media and RAD - The Ugly Truth in which he discussed his reaction to a crash scene in the movie Armageddon. Ironically, our issues with media, particularly with Kitty, had recently become such an issue that I had decided to have the kids do an assignment to reinforce why I am so strict about this. Kitty especially wants to be allowed to watch shows and movies that I feel have a negative effect on her.

Almost a year ago I had Bob do a FAIR Club assignment about the effects of media on kids (posted here). She did a good job. So a few days ago I decided to have the kids take a quiz on the report. Mostly fill in the blank stuff, but I wanted to be sure they actually read it. (Kitty couldn't do the quiz though. *sigh* She just didn't understand the questions. I'll have to sit with her to do it.)

So here is my comment on Mike's post.

My daughter (RAD) was allowed to watch horror movies (like The Scream and Jeepers Creepers) as a preschooler. In foster care (age 9-11) her favorite TV show was CSI. She loves violent shows, the more blood and gore the better - I know this is typical for kids with RAD and PTSD.

Media of all kinds has always effected my moods (depression and attachment issues) so I choose to watch nothing but movies, and read nothing but books, that have happy endings. I don't like horror, drama, or tragedies.

With all my kids, both adopted and bio -ages 10-15, I don't allow them to watch PG-13 movies, and seriously limit what they can watch on TV (not even certain cartoon channels and shows), and what they play (no E-10+ computer games, no Bionicles or Pokemon). All my kids think I'm the meanest mom ever and swear they can handle it. Sometimes their reactions are immediate (agitated, talking loudly, aggression, leaving the room), but other times it's delayed or less obvious (especially if they know it means I'll remove approval to watch something).

So my question is, am I the meanest mom ever?

Would it have been helpful to you as a teen to have your media "censored?"

I realize this doesn't change their past at all, and they ARE dealing with the issues media could be bringing up both in therapy and really all the time, but I don't think they need the exposure to upsetting media all the time. My older son appears to be dealing with his life well right now, and could potentially be able to handle it (he sneaks it anyway), but our daughter is emotionally fragile - truthfully I expect her to be in residential treatment within the next couple of weeks.

So what do you think? My adopted children were abused, my bio kids have had to deal with PTSD caused by living with angry, "acting out" teens. Should I lighten up or get stricter? I know lots of moms who don't let their kids watch TV at all.

Marythemom

And here's his response:

“So my question is, am I the meanest mom ever? Would it have been helpful to you as a teen to have your media "censored?" I realize this doesn't change their past at all, and they ARE dealing with the issues media could be bringing up both in therapy and really all the time, but I don't think they need the exposure to upsetting media all the time.”

Dear Mrs. B,

Ironically, for not being a professional therapist, I get the same question “am I the meanest mom ever???” question almost daily now. My resounding answer most assuredly is NO. I am of the belief that while being a mom or a dad is a great thing, there is a limit to the amount of “coolness” or leeway that you can provide. If you feel that they don’t need the added pressure and exposure to certain media, be firm and be confident in the fact your making the best call that you can. You’re the mom and that’s the way it goes.

I find it refreshing that you want to be able to filter what your kids see. I think that in today’s society it’s easier to toss a child a T.V. while parent’s pursue other interests. It speaks volumes to me that you want to have such limits in the interests of your children’s safety in your household. It’s a very inspiring value.

“The meanest mom ever” comment of course is not accurate and remember with R.A.D. kids, no how matter much they push your buttons and give you trouble, don’t take it personally. Their outbursts aren’t about YOU it’s about THEM. I remember holding a knife to father’s throat, not wanting to kill him of course, but to assert authority. It wasn’t about him, it was about MY anger.

Sounds to me like your making the call for your family that you have to make, in a society that tells you to do otherwise. Your sticking to your guns and your values. I think your kids will not only say “Thank you” one day for your sense of values you have impressed upon them, but the “Greatest mom ever” mug you eventually receive from appreciative young adults will prove me correct. J

Sincerely with regards and the warmest of wishes,

Michael S
http://www.ofaat.org/
http://ofaat.blogspot.com/


So what do you think? I'm not the meanest mom ever (I know too many mom's of RAD kids to ever believe that), but am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing more? I know a lot of moms that don't let their kids watch TV at all.

How should I handle the different needs of my 4 very different kids? Some of whom can handle what we have now, and others who would probably benefit from even more restrictions.

I believe that children should not be treated equally. Life is not fair. Each of my children has different needs, but it's hard for Kitty especially, to accept that without being jealous. She can't see the privileges she's getting that others don't (like not being held accountable for her inappropriate behaviors). All she sees is that she's older and yet isn't being treated like a 14 year old (because developmentally she's not one and she can't handle it).

One reason I've questioned our decision to adopt children older than my oldest bio child is that it makes it more difficult to allow some kids to have privileges they've earned and can handle.

OK, I've babbled on long enough. Time to get ready to take Kitty to her psychiatrist appointment. I'm expecting him to write a recommendation for her to go to residential treatment tonight.

Word clouds

My computer will finally let me use this fun website http://www.wordle.net/ that creates word pictures. It can even use all the words from your blog. I have to laugh at the fact that cake is one of the most prominent words!! I hope it's just because it's one of the more recent posts.

Teens everywhere!

Bob turns 13 next weekend. Bear turns 16 only 5 days later. Kitty is already 14. This means 10 year old Ponito is my only baby and the teenage hormones will be the majority. *sigh*

Anyone else's kids always "turds" around their birthday? Bob and Ponito both have ALways been horrid for one month before their birthdays. Kitty and Bear always have issues with holidays and special days in general. Bear ended up in residential treatment 3 days before his 1st birthday with us. Kitty had only come home from psychiatric hospitalization the day before her last birthday.


Of course last year we decided to finalize their adoptions right before their birthdays. No extra pressure there! *sarcastic drip* Kitty two weeks before her 14th birthday. Bear one day before his 15th birthday.

So this year we have to decide how to handle the birthday parties. We've already told them this is a "small" birthday party year. Maybe a friend or two over, and a birthday cake shared with the family. I usually make the cakes myself. We've had some doozies.

Last year for Bob I made a monkey cake, because she LOVES monkeys. It ws supposed to be a monkey eating bananas on a small island.

I ran out of icing so decided to use pudding dyed blue between the layers of the cake. Guess what? Pudding is slippery! The cake crumbled, parts of it slipped off, the island "refused" to float (unless you count "floating" right off the cake). *sigh*

I had discovered that Tootsie Rolls could be molded like modeling clay. I spent days making an adorable (if I do say so myself) monkey holding a banana (wish I'd gotten some good pictures). There are different colors/flavors of Tootsie Rolls. So I made cute colorful fish, bananas, and even a coconut tree to put on the sand covered (graham cracker crumbs) island, made from Tootsie Pops! (the lollys were the coconuts). Then I discovered that while Tootsie rolls look like modeling clay, and if you put them in the refrigerator they would "harden," that when they warmed, they drooped. The adorable monkey and tree would not stand. Bob didn't care. They tasted delicious!

Have no memory of what Bear's cake looked like last year. This is what Bear looked like though. He outshone any cake possible!

We haven't taken pictures of every cake. I'm notorious for forgetting to bring the camera. Here's one from Ponito's 6th birthday. He wanted a dragon cake. This one was made with wings made from fruit roll ups on licorice frames. His scales made from gum drop slices. His gold was Nestle Treasures and jelly beans for gems. He was supposed to be one of those long snake-like dragons that curved in and out of the top of the cake (think Nessie the Loch Ness monster). Horrible picture - sorry. This lizard for my nephew turned out cuter. It had chocolate chip spots that spelled out his name and the message. We call this picture the "two headed boy."
This was one of the best years for cakes. Bob had wanted a princess theme. One cake was Cinderella. The other cake was Little Mermaid. The Little Mermaid "cake" was actually made from Rice Krispies made with colored marshmallows divided into different colors. This cake ended up feeding almost 200! We took it to Bob's daycare since it hadn't been as popular as the chocolate cake at her party. The entire school had it for snack and then there was tons left over that the teachers took home. I think the whole school ate it two days in a row.!

So have to decide what we'll do this year. Bear will probably want a carrot cake. It's his favorite.

Saw some lovely pictures of cakes on Cake Wrecks (an absolutely hilarious blog about cakes gone wrong). Think these will make good choices?

Can you believe someone actually had this made for their daughter's 12th birthday?! Poor Holly.

Stress management e-mail

Received this e-mail recently and felt it was very apropos. There was no listed author.

Stress management

A young lady in front of the room, confidently walked around while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?' .... she fooled them all... 'How heavy is this glass of water?' she inquired with a smile.

Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you hold it.''If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. "If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

''In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

She continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.''

As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced.

''So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home... pick it up tomorrow.

''Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.

Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.

Life is short.

Enjoy it and the now 'supposed' stress that you've conquered!

And then she shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well.. Just get up and dance.



11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.


14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.


16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.


17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

July 4th food and relaxation

What a lovely day.

Stayed up too late and a debt collector called at 8:30am (on a holiday!), but it was still good.

I made star pancakes for breakfast (put the batter in a baggie, cut off a corner and drew stars on the griddle). Yummy!

We sat around watching movies all day. I had a long nap (which I needed since I stayed up until almost 4am last night). It was great!

Tonight we're having hamburgers, sweet potato fries, corn on the cob - shucked by the kiddos, homemade cheesecake covered with cherries and fresh blueberries... tonight we'll eat watermelon as we watch fireworks.

Great food, a good nap, and kids that barely argued. Like I said, a lovely day!