I can't believe it's been 9 years since I started this blog!
This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of children adopted as teens who have RAD, trauma other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" biokids), is not easy, and there are often time when I say what I feel... at that moment. We're all human!
It started out as a way to vent
My First Blog Post
In our house, it's called the "Three Vent Rule." In my need to talk through my problems, I discovered I was not only burdening my friends and family with my problems, but I was also "ruminating" and actually making myself feel worse.
I eventually came up with the "Three Vent Rule" - which stated that I could only whine/ complain on any one subject to no more than 3 people. I try to spread the love around too so no one person bears the burden of all my whinging (except Hubby - poor baby always has to listen, but that's why I married him - because of his broad shoulders - designed to bear all the weight of my world, and then some). I also had an unwritten rule to try to make the story as entertaining as possible so no one would notice what a total whiner baby I really am.
Another big source of venting for me was the long e-mail (Hubby calls them novels). I would write all about what my children were in to (or more likely up to) and the whole adoption team was FORCED to read them. Now that my children's adoptions are FINALLY final, I no longer have a captive audience. I'm hoping that this blog will allow me to vent without overwhelming my small support group.
So now I begin the journey into blogging.
5 Years Ago - Where Did Your Blog Go?
I had shut my blog down when I discovered the kids' biofamily were reading it. When I decided to put it back up, these were my reasons:
I seriously considered closing my blog permanently after these events. It had become harder and harder to find the time to blog, and as I was becoming more despondent and hopeless over the fact that Kitty was getting worse and worse and we had fewer and fewer options. I was blogging from a more and more negative place, and that felt awful. I chose not to stop because:
- As a place to vent and get support from other moms who "get it." When I first started blogging I didn't have access to this amazing community, and the few people I knew who'd adopted, even those who'd adopted RAD kids, had adopted younger children.
- To share and provide support and education for other trauma mamas. Over the years I've had to acquire a crash course in RAD and trauma and I didn't want others to have to go through what I did and make the same mistakes I made.
- To provide information to those in my kids' lives that needed it (like Grandma), without having to repeat myself or chance having the kids over hear it.
- To maintain a record of events.
- While I do have other places to vent, most of them don't know the "back story," and therefore most of their support is sending hugs and prayers (which are greatly appreciated!), but less practical. This group has helped me be a better advocate and therapeutic parent for my children - through support, advice, and even helping me write documents. It also helps to get validation from people who know I'm not a saint or evil personified. In the weeks since I've closed down the blog I've realized how much I need and care about all of you!
- I get a lot of positive feedback and personal satisfaction out of my role as educator and advocate. It is extremely helpful to be able to say, "Oh, I learned a lot about that at Katharine Leslie's seminar or here's how we handle discipline at our house - here's a link." I can't imagine just throwing all those resources away. When you don't get a lot of positive feedback from your kids, it helps to get it from somewhere!
- It helps me maintain my link to this community and its resources.
Now, I mostly blog for different reasons.
I've become very active in the trauma/ attachment issues community, working with foster, adoptive, bio, step, blended... families dealing with children with attachment challenges. Among other Facebook groups, I moderate a large online support group called Parenting Attachment Challenged Children. In giving advice, suggestions, and resources it helped to have it all written in one place to refer to rather than having to rewrite the same information over and over.
I still do the occasional update about my family, but now they are all legally adults and stable (mostly), it's more about supporting this community.
I don't blog as much as I used to, mostly when someone asks me a question I don't already have a post about. I'm looking forward to the coming years!