This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Letter to Bear in Prison

Dear Bear,

Everyone here is doing OK.  I've enclosed the pictures you wanted, including the family Christmas pictures.  It seems so weird not to have you in them.  Hopefully next year!  (I was tempted to PhotoShop you in as you mentioned!).

I want to apologize for not writing you sooner.  Part of the reason is that I'm not a letter writer (I prefer e-mail), but also because we talk to you on the phone often, so there's not a lot left to say.  I'm going to try to write you as soon as I receive your letters from now on.  I hope you will write more often now that you have money for letter supplies. {I'm enclosing a money order I've been meaning to send for months} We're going to have to request that you only call in an emergency.  We just can't afford to keep paying for collect calls.  I'm really sorry about that, Sweetie, but money is really tight.  That's another reason I'm promising to be better about writing.  I want to hear about how you're doing and what's going on in your life.

I'm pretty worried about you.  I wish you were back home so I could help you get the services you need - medication, but also therapy.  I've always felt that while it was really good that you were finally on the right meds, but it made for a lot less pressure to work on the trauma and emotional issues you also needed to work on - so you could have close relationships with women and family, and not run away when people get too close or there was a conflict/ argument.

I strongly hope that you'll take the advice of your neuropsychologist and commit to staying "home" for a couple more years, especially now that you've tried being on your own for awhile.  You don't have to live in our house (although you are invited!), but you need somewhere structured while you get back on your meds and therapy and rehab.  Once you're stable I think Gary Job Corp might be good.  I know you don't like the rules and restrictions, but you do so much better when you have them.

Bear, I love you very much.  You are a smart kid with a lot of potential - you just need a little more time before you try to do this all by yourself.  The reality is that God designed humans to need each other.  When we try to be totally independent and self-sufficient, that's when we stumble.  EVERYONE needs other people.  Even now I still go to my mom for support and advice, and so does your dad.  We love you and want to be there for you!



ZERQ23 said...

Mary, that was such a nice supportive letter.
Any idea when Bear will know how much longer he has to be there?

marythemom said...

Thanks for the compliment Zerq23. I don't know when Bear will know how long he has to be there. I know his lawyer is trying to delay the actual trial as long as possible in the hopes that the plaintiff won't show up.

Anonymous said...

It's a beautiful letter! You're a great mom. :)

Miz Kizzle said...

That's a great letter. I'm sure Bear will be pleased to get the family photos. Letters and photos mean a lot to inmates. Does Bear have a commissary account? If so, you can deposit funds instantly online through Western Union Quick Collect. Commissary, like mail from home, is a huge deal for people who are locked up.
You can save money on phone calls from Bear by getting a Google Voice phone number in the area code where his jail is located.
Good luck.