This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Kitty Meltdown - Restraint

Kitty hates the partial day hospitalization program (PDH). Did I mention that?! She certainly mentions it over and over and over...

Everything will be perfect if I just pull her from this program and let her go back to public school. She'll behave. She'll go to therapy. She'll never try to hurt me or herself again. She'll never cuss again. Just please... please... please... let her go back to her school where she has friends.

Tonight she wanted to go to the house of a neighbor girl who spends a lot of time over here with her sister. I've been telling the kids they can't go to this girl's house. Mostly because I don't trust Bear with the girl. Even though they've broken up, but also because I don't really feel comfortable having the kids out of my sight. Crazy I know, but even the healthy ones get into stuff I don't approve of at other's houses. Kitty especially though really doesn't need to be dealing with a lot of social issues.

Kitty did not take "no" well. She started yelling and cursing and slamming around the house. I thought she was going outside to run away so I went out front to intercept her and started to play with the other kids when I didn't see her. Bear came out very agitated because she was inside yelling and upset. I went back inside and found her locked in the bathroom.

She didn't answer when I knocked and I was a little concerned she'd find some way to hurt herself so I tried to unlock the door, but she held onto it. I told her I would take off the doorknob and she pulled the door open and threatened me with the shower rod (which wasn't in place because Bear broke the shower). She didn't hit me, but acted like she would. She cussed at me repeatedly. I kept trying to calm and de-escalate her, but would not give in on letting her visit the friend, going away, or pulling her out of the PDH.

She ran past me to her room, telling me to get away from her, but I told her she wasn't safe and I needed to stay near her. She ran into her room still holding the shower rod. She dropped it and opened her second story window (I presume to jump out). I reached out to hold her and she began punching and kicking me so we ended up in a restraint. *sigh* She tried to scratch and bite me, but for once calmed down fairly quickly. She remained in my arms with her back to me and we talked for quite awhile.

I explained over and over that I understand she's upset, and why she needed to be in the school, tried to give her some insights into her jealousy of Bob, and talked about her need for friends (and why the kids at this school may not have good social skills). She talked about all the cussing she hears, the hip hop music that's on the bus, the friend (boy) she made whose last day was today, how much she hates math...

I asked her to come down and help me make dinner. Bear was on the phone in the kitchen, and I foolishly reminded him that his chore was to clean the kitchen. Unfortunately Bear was still activiated and he went off on me about how big a mess everyone else left in room, especially Kitty (criticism upsets her more). He thought I shouldn't ask him to do chores when he did most of his chores, unlike the other kids (slam to Kitty again). Kitty immediately started asking to go outside and swing (calms her down), I wanted her near me till she was fully calm, but dinner had to be made and Bear showed no sign of letting up so I let her leave the room.

I'm getting tired of being fussed at by Bear. I've been lightening up on him, but he is not making it easy. I know, I know, teenage boys... Talked to the neighbor girl's mom. Bear, who'd been told he could not come to see her, skated by twice. We talked about why my kids don't come visit her daughters at their house. Her mom told me the girl came home with a hicky last week. Bear said it was the girl's fault?!

Why can't they stay sweet and innocent and only want Mommy kisses like little Ponito?!!!!

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