This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Kintsukuroi - More beautiful for having been broken

Nothing is ever truly broken, that's the philosophy behind the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi which repairs smashed pottery by using beautiful seams of gold.

The result is that the broken pottery is now mended and is in fact even stronger than the original. Instead of trying to hide the flaws and cracks, they are accentuated and celebrated because they now have become the strongest part of the pottery.

Kintsugi beautifies the breakage and treats it as an important part of the object’s history, and sees the broken pot not as something to discard, but as something even more precious than it was before.

"Life is our own tale of adventures and triumphs. I hope when my daughters encounter the real trials of life, they will look at their Kintsugi pots and won’t be afraid to show their scars and say ‘I have already had a life, but I’m totally up for another, because there really is so much more to me now than there was before.’" - Mercedes Smith

I think it's very obvious why I've posted this, so I won't say a lot, but I hope we let our children know that yes, we know they're not perfect. None of us are. But they are survivors. They have a history most kids their age have never had to experience, but their scars are beautiful, because they tell the story of that strength.

Our imperfections are what make us interesting and beautiful. Perfect people, even if they existed, would be plastic and boring.

Deep down, our children believe that they are unworthy and unlovable, and that if others find out they are not perfect, then they'll leave. Our children desperately try to keep others from seeing that imperfection, usually by keeping them at a distance.

If You Find Out I'm Not Perfect, You'll Leave

As parents, we work so hard to help our kids understand that we love them no matter what. I know that sometimes I forget that my children aren't the only one with scars that need, and deserve, healing. Please take care of yourself, and remember that your scars make you beautiful too.

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'
'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.
'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'
'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

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