This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Kitty is in Psych Hospital again

Sunday after a rough day at Sunday School (something about Bear teasing her - threatening to go to her Sunday School class next week) she returned to Grandma’s house (where she’d spent the night the night before). She claimed she didn’t feel well and took a nap. I woke her for lunch and after she ate a little she went back to sleep.

At 3pm we sent Bob in to let her know she needed to clean up the room because it was time to go home. She refused so Hubby went in to get her. She started yelling at him for getting her up when she wasn’t feeling well. She was pretty irrational (screaming, crying, threatening to hurt herself and claiming we hate her) and started claiming that Hubby was yelling at her and threatening her (he wasn’t, although at one point he had told her if she didn’t get in the car he would carry her out, which she chose to perceive as a threat).

She did eventually get in the car with me. Everyone else went with Hubby (he took Bob to buy a cell phone, which Kitty was HIGHLY jealous about).

She and I made it home, but when I told her she still needed to do her chores (which she’s been avoiding all week) before she would be allowed to watch TV, and that she couldn’t just nap all evening… she started ramping up again. She also started talking about having a headache again, but never once asked for Tylenol (the “pain” disappeared again quickly when the pressure was off). When I also mentioned that I thought it would also be a good idea to apologize to Hubby and offer restitution, she got even more upset and started verbally attacking me in addition to ranting about him.

When I still wouldn’t escalate with her, she demanded to talk to her skills trainer. I happily gave her the number, but the skills trainer didn’t answer. Kitty then tried her MHMR caseworker, and told her she was feeling suicidal (Kitty hadn’t told me this before so I was caught by surprise). The CW told her to call the Crisis unit, and Kitty informed the person she spoke to there that her feelings of suicide were about a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10.

Kitty requested to be admitted to the psych hospital. After checking with me, the Crisis counselor offered to contact a psych hospital about an hour away if I would contact the closer one. Kitty wanted the closer one because it was familiar, I was half hoping for the other in cases we might get better results than we have the last 3 times she's been there.

I put Kitty on the “4 foot rule” (she has to stay within line of sight of a parent). She became quiet and calm and even cuddled with me for awhile. The local psych hospital said they had no beds, but expected to have an opening the next day because they usually have quite a few discharges on Mondays. The Crisis person did come out and talk to Kitty, during which Kitty remained calm, but still wanted to go to the hospital (although not the one that was farther away because she’d never been there before). Kitty took her meds and went to bed early.

I kept Kitty home from school and contacted the psych hospital the next morning. They had an opening. On the way there I reinforced with Kitty that she NEEDS to let them know what's going on, and not just pretend she's all better because she wants to come home. She was in the hospital less than 6 months ago, and we want her to get the help she needs to stay out!

Of course when we got there she didn't mention the nightmare. Then when I brought it up she started talking about ALL the nightmares she's been having about killing herself! In addition to the one about stabbing herself in the stomach with a knife that she'd been having when Hubby woke her up Sunday afternoon (which she'd mentioned to the crisis person), she talked about all the others in which she'd shot herself in the head, jumped off a cliff, drowned... I was trying not to show how shocked I was. She hadn't mentioned ANY nightmares before, probably because she was afraid I'd send her to the hospital, but I do believe her. No wonder she hasn't been sleeping!

She also admitted that she feels most of the time that no one cares if she lives or dies so she might as well die. She is adamant that she is unloved. I did know she was unhappy, unstable and escalating, but until she spoke to her caseworker, I honestly didn’t think she was suicidal or I would have jumped at the chance to get her hospitalized. She has been so emotionally unstable she was almost impossible to live with, but the hospital won't take her unless she is suicidal, homicidal or psychotic.

She’s been on edge for months now. Following the directions of her psychiatrist, we reduced her Traz*done (her sleep med which is also an anti-depressant in higher doses and can trigger mania in a person with bipolar) on Wednesday in case it was contributing to her mania and sleeplessness, and she started on low dose of Depak*te two days later (couldn't do it sooner because we don't want to make a lot of changes all at once or we won't know what's working or causing side-effects). She’s still wasn't sleeping well.

She’s also been talking obsessively (and non-stop) about a boy on her bus who is calling her ugly and teasing her, and a senior boy she has a crush on who is defending her, but also teasing her for being a “goody goody.” She is highly defensive about her relationship with the senior boy whom she likes, and it bothers her a lot that I do not approve of him because he teases her, encourages her to feel that her life is too restricted, and she told me he used to “do ‘shrooms.”

Her perception is so distorted that she thinks an off-hand comment Hubby made about whether or not Cleopatra was really beautiful (like she's portrayed on TV), as him saying that Kitty is ugly?! Under my breath to Hubby, I had called her Cleopatra (the queen of DeNial) and Bob had accidentally overheard and caught the reference. Kitty wanted to know what we were talking about, and I said Kitty reminded me of Cleopatra the Queen of Egypt. When Kitty started crowing about being beautiful (in a way that intentionally tried to slam Bob), Hubby had made the comment about how did she know Cleopatra was beautiful.

In Kitty's black and white world, if Bob is pretty then Kitty is ugly. She cannot seem to accept that we think both girls are beautiful in different ways. She's looking for the insults, and like an anorexic person refuses to believe she's not fat (or ugly). Bob is tired of arguing and has decided to just agree with Kitty, but I'm trying to stop this (because Kitty takes it at face value).

So Kitty seems to be doing well at the hospital. We don't hold a lot of hope for what she'll be like when she gets home because she'll be surrounded by teens reinforcing her belief that we're overly strict parents who don't love her, but she does seem to be responding positively to the reduction in Traz*done and claims she slept 8 hours last night.


Last Mom said...


Barb G said...

I'm so sorry. (((hug)))

Mommy Merlot said...

I hope she can let it all hang out while she is in the right place where they can change meds or what ever it takes to help her become more stable. (((hugs)))
from one Trauma Momma to another!

FosterAbba said...

Why is it, when teens don't get their way, that they automatically assume that it is because their parents don't love them?

I've lost count of the number of times that my kid has said that we "hate" her because we won't let her do or have every single thing that she wants.

So sorry you are going through this.

Lisa said...

So...sorry you're dealing with this - AGAIN.

My daughter always claimed we didn't love her -no matter what we did or how we showed her. Her love languages was gifts and we started to notice how if one of her siblings got something at the store, no matter how small or inconsequential or even if it were something they HAD TO HAVE for school, she would automatically go find something for herself and expect me to buy it. It got really, really bad.... especially when I started telling her NO every single time.

I often equated it to the anorexic girl who talked about how fat they were to you, the girl who weighed a good 20 lbs less than you did. At first you told them they were crazy, they were so skinny, you were so jealous of how slim they were, they looked great, etc. but after awhile, you got tired of it and then you started thinking, "If she thinks she's a cow, what exactly is she implying about ME since I weigh more than her?". It gets old. I finally just laid it on the line with my daughter and told her that I have proven my love for her over and over since she came to our home at age 2 and that unless she had some type of concrete way she believed I could convince her, well, there was nothing more I could do to change her mind. The facts of our lives showed I love her, but she was choosing to believe something that the facts did not support.

The competition between Bob and Kitty seems to be crippling to Kitty. I can see Bob just going about her business, living her normal life, and Kitty being completely jealous over everything she sees in Bob. There isn't much you can do about that, Kitty is the one who needs to work on her perception issues.