This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

More accusations of Dreamkilling - Legal guardianship

In therapy I finally told Kitty that we are planning on getting legal guardianship.  We were having yet another "conversation" about out classes at the high school, and she was complaining to the therapist how unfair it was that I wouldn't allow them.  "Out classes" involve being bussed from the special school to her home campus for 2 or more classes, usually ones that aren't available at the special school.  Kitty hates that she is the only one in her history class at the special school and says that's why she wants to go back to her home campus.

Kitty and I'd previously had a long conversation about why Hubby and I don't want to allow out classes.  Almost all of which involve the fact that the school never agreed that she needed to be at the special school (despite all the documentation we presented), and only allowed her to go because we filed due process (like suing the school).  When we were fighting to get her into the special school, we were stuck with status quo whenever we disagreed - which meant that Kitty stayed where she was - on the regular campus.  Now that she's at the special school, status quo is finally the special school.

One thing we learned the hard way with Bear was that if he had any out classes then the school could give him more out classes without having to ask our permission or hold an IEP meeting (because it wouldn't change the number of hours of special ed).  Most of the time he would act out and they would reduce the number of out classes again, but it took some pretty severe behavior.  His senior year they just moved him to the regular school full-time, despite our concerns.

Kitty wants to "try" a couple of classes at the regular school, and if she can't handle it then she expects to be able to go back to the special school full-time.  I've explained to her repeatedly that aside from the fact that she's finally stable and I think that's got a lot to do with the lesser amount of stress at the special school (and a med change), the school district NEVER acknowledged a reason for her to be in the special school in the first place, therefore she wouldn't be able to convince them that she can't handle it and needs to be back at the special school full-time.  Right now we have status quo on our side.

Kitty aka Cleopatra (the Queen of Denial), doesn't want this to be true, and as usual prefers to believe I"m just being mean.   At therapy she started talking about how she's going to talk to the IEP team (her annual meeting is in December) and tell them this is what she wants, and when she's legally an adult then she'll get it.  I tired of trying to convince her that it was not in her best interest, and finally just dropped in the thought that we were pursuing legal guardianship, which we've touched on in the past.

She exploded.  She yelled, cussed and told me she wanted me to die... not anywhere near the worst meltdown though.

The therapist helped me get her calmed down.  We finally got out of Kitty that the guardianship itself wasn't what bothered her (although she definitely didn't like us having the control over her).  No, most of what bothered her was that she wouldn't be able to have any out classes.

Once she was calmed down enough to hear me, I pointed out that she wouldn't be able to have a vote at an IEP meeting until she turned 18 which is not until April (when the school year is almost over).  That wouldn't make a big difference to this year's History class (she really hates not having anyone else in the class with her.  I assured her that at the December IEP meeting we were already planning to discuss other options (that didn't involve out classes), like asking for a schedule change for the next semester.  I also told her I'd consider out classes next school year (it's her senior year so they can't force her full time that quickly).

She was still a little mad at me, but dissociated from it.  It hasn't come up again.

We also talked about Bear's letter to Kitty, but I'll save that for another post.

1 comment:

Marianne Milton said...

It's so hard putting dreams on hold for our children when it's not the right time for them. I admire you for protecting your daughter's access to the specialized education that she needs, even when she fights you on it. Thankless, but necessary.