This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Guess I'm still his Case Manager

Bear is almost 20yo and in jail in another state.  We talk to him (collect) once a week, send him letters, and send him a little money.  It changes weekly where he's going to go when he gets out (biofamily, independent - yea right, or back home with us - for us to help him find work and a place to live).  Most of the content of his letters to us is apologies for not listening to us at the end and getting into drugs and trouble.  The rest is asking me to give letters to friends (I often don't forward them because they're full of lies and I can't find the people he wants me to send them to him) and to get in touch with people and ask them to write him.

Lately his letters are full of how much he loves his ex-girlfriend and wants her back.  Bear's relationship pattern is that he meets a girl, immediately tells her he loves her (and expects the same), intense relationship and  expectations that no one can actually live up to.  He fully believes they will live happily ever after, and then the girl falls off her pedestal and Bear pushes her away.  He'd been engaged at least 3 times that I heard of before he turned 19 years old.  His average relationship lasted 3 weeks (hence the name "Kleenex girls" - because he goes through them like Kleenex), and he usually had a "Back-up girl" ready and waiting as soon as the relationship ends.  Occasionally he'd have a long-distance relationship that lasted a little longer (because he felt less pressure), but he was usually involved with someone local as well.

When he moved in with his biofamily, Bear had borrowed money from his local girlfriend's mother, had her give him a ride to the bus station, and left without telling her he wasn't planning on coming back.  She waited for weeks and weeks, with no word from him.  During those 6 weeks in the new state, he had at least 2 more "relationships" before he went to jail.  While in jail, he's put his local girlfriend back on a pedestal and idealized his relationship with her.  Now he wants her back and is thinking he'll marry her and live happily ever after.

All this I'm used to, although I do try to warn the girls if I can.  I have fully warned the local ex-girlfriend, but he can really pick them, and I don't think she believes me.


Anyway, my problem now is listening to him vent about wanting to sue everyone and trying to get me to contact people for him.  The one time I did (to help him get back on his psychotropic meds), the jail admin threatened him and Bear fussed at me.  Not really something I feel like repeating.

Now he wants me to contact the ACLU and tell them that he and his fellow inmates are suffering from malnutrition (he says the evidence is in their fingernails) and aren't getting 2000 calories a day.  I looked into it, and the ACLU wants evidence that you've gone through proper channels first.  I found the right place to make the complaint, but they want names and contact information.  Bear has already made it clear that he doesn't want his name involved in this (he's in enough trouble), but if I give them my name, it will be pretty much a DUH! as to who made the complaint (how many people in this state would be complaining about jail conditions in another state.

Just going to print out the complaint form and ask him what he wants me to do about it.


The kids have officially been accepted into their tribe.  Still have to figure out how I'm going to handle getting him a tribal card.  He thinks he can use it to get more services.

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