This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Are we having fun yet?

So far we're surviving the Summer. Bear is sitting at home under direct adult supervision at all times, and it doesn't appear to be chafing too much.

In the mornings I wake everyone up and we
  • do aerobics - if Bear piddles around then he has to do the Richard Simmons tape with the girls - it's an easy way to get around his passive aggressive "piddling." I usually end up gently redirecting Kitty's activities - I'm pretty sure she's got some coordination issues because she often forgets to move her legs when she's concentrating on moving her arms.
  • then chores (Bears are a little less than most and Kitty's are a lot less) with me doing a LOT of redirecting of all.
  • get the kids to Grandma (or she comes to us, but she prefers her house because she can get her own stuff done).

This routine has been taking us many hours, even though the 2 tapes are only 20 minutes each because I have to direct EVERY little step of chores. Kitty has to be sent back a thousand times because she "doesn't see it." Ponito has been lying. Bear spends the majority of time in the bathroom and Bob spends a lot of time closeted in her bedroom reading books. Plus of course I have to get ready for work and check work and personal e-mail too.

Tuesday I eventually got the kids into Grandma's care and went to work, where it was finally quiet enough to work on my resume. I left work early to get some of the grocery shopping done and got a call from Grandma. She'd taken the kids to the pool as she always does, but that day they went to the pool Kitty prefers. I don't know exactly what happened, but apparently Bear (who only wants to go to a different pool) started teasing Kitty in front of her friends and she actually stood up to him (Go Kitty!). According to Bear though she told him she wished he was dead (which he informed me I would have handled the same way he did. Ummm... Bear? You guys told me this all the time, and I NEVER stormed off without telling anyone where I was). Grandma thinks Bear wasn't a little afraid to walk to the other pool as he'd originally threatened, but he did leave the pool area and hide around the corner where no one could see him. The good news was that after awhile he did come back, and he got in the car to go home willingly. He mouthed off to Grandma though and told her, "You're just as bad as she (Kitty) is."

Grandma is obviously nervous about keeping Bear, and I don't blame her. He behaves OK for me, but is still surly and isolates himself as much as possible. She doesn't want to take him to his favorite pool for awhile, and that's probably a good idea. He didn't end up going at all on Wednesday and today I told him I didn't feel like taking him/them. Today Grandma told me that she wanted to be home and paint. She was willing to take the younger three if I brought them to her, but Bear had his first meeting with his caseworker at noon so I decided to just hang out at home. I'm glad she got a day off - she deserves it, but I've got to figure out how to make this work if/when I get a "real" job where I can't stay home at the drop of a hat.

The meeting with the MHMR caseworker went OK. Turns out Bear didn't need to be there after all, which is good, because he completely ignored her. When she mentioned seeing him again, he said, "Good luck with that." Brat. It was kind of funny watching her face as she met the kids. All 5'11"+ of Bob walked up to ask me for something (for some reason the kids always ignore company, but practically climb in my lap for attention). It's hard for everyone to believe Bob is only 13 ("Almost 14.") Kitty wandered through and I pointed her out as Bear's biosis. Ponito did the lap climbing thing. The caseworker was surprised to hear Bear was right in the next room when I suggested she at least meet him before she left. She'd assumed the boy she'd caught a glimpse of was about 20 years old, and therefore not Bear. Bear sat in front of the TV with his back turned to her, even when I asked him to at least acknowledge her presence he wouldn't. She did get plenty of attention from Mr. Snuggles the cat.

Need to figure out where I put Kitty's latest psych eval so I can finish filling out her CRCG paperwork. Need to call her new caseworker to find out about getting her med management stuff done (will be some kind of virtual thing - sitting her in front of a screen to talk to the doctor). Need to call about how to fill out SSI paperwork and get it filled out. No idea if all this stuff will help, but as long as I can find the time, at least it won't hurt right?


It's going to be harder than usual to make myself go to bed knowing Hubby's not in it. Hubby is with Bear at the Sleep Study Lab. Will be interesting to see if anything comes of the study. I hope the fact that Bear ate a lot of sugar doesn't make a big difference (they said no sugar, caffeine or other stimulants all day). I made some mostly whole wheat blueberry muffins last night and some of them had sugar streusal on top. "No One" actually bit all the streusal off the top, in addition to actually eating the muffins. No idea what kind of candy he has stored everywhere. Plus we ate out tonight and Hubby let Bear get a soda. *sigh*

1 comment:

ali said...

just wanted to tell you i LOVED your comment to THISWORKSTINKS today. i agree. im so sick of moms of RAD kids talking about "protecting their heart/privacy/self image/self worth blah blah blah. i need to protcet the rest of this town too! the girls! the kids he steals from.the friends he manipulates. the ones he lies to. he's HIV infected, for goodness sakes. NO PREGNANCIES PLEASE. never mind the fact that her parents will sue us afterwards. we are POOR. i need to protect US too. and as far as the "its the age" comments? i answer "really? for 7 straight years?" shuts them up quick. so does the look i flash them.