- My bipolar stuff. I'm not medicated and I hadn't thought the meds were helping much when I was, but I'm having trouble with transitions - particularly getting off the computer and going to bed, but then again I've always been a night owl.
- PTSD - every time I deal with Bear, I find myself waiting for the shoe to drop. Whatever he's doing, I'm trying to stay two steps ahead, anticipating the consequences, trying to detect the lies, and even though he hasn't been truly violent in years - I'm still aware of that capability
- Attachment - Hubby suggested this. That as I've grown more attached to the kids, the better they are at being able to push my buttons (which Bob was born able to do). When the kids first got here, there was really nothing they could do that could get me upset.
- Lack of sleep - This was Grandma's suggestion. Basically for whatever reason, I'm not getting much sleep. Obviously this effects my reserves. So this is the one I finally decided I was what I was going to choose to address.
I’ve decided this has been a long week because I’m just so tired. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle – using a blow torch. I feel that I might have been able to prevent her from escalating to the point where she hit me, if I hadn’t let myself get so depleted. I’m going to view this as a blessing in disguise because I’m hoping it will help us get the changes we’ve been advocating for at the school, but I also want to take it as a wake-up call. I’ve added a lot to my schedule (NAMI classes, job hunting, volunteering and getting more involved in the mental health/adoption communities, trying to get my oldest son’s transition to adulthood…), but hadn’t taken anything OUT of my schedule – except apparently sleep.
Back in November I went on an "internet diet,"but over the months everything has crept back up. So I’ve decided to stop reading most of my blog roll (there were 119 feeds!), limit the list-serves, cut back on the forums and try to get to bed at a reasonable time. Not doing so great at it yet, but there’s always tonight, right?! Wish me luck!