This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Wrapping my brain around it

Bear's (and my) therapist suggested something to me that I'm seriously considering. If DARS can't get him a job this Summer (which would be my first choice), then she suggested sending him to his biograndfather in rural Oklahoma for at least part of the Summer.

Pros

  • It will let him get more realistically reacquainted with this grandfather that he has put on a pedestal.
  • More realistically reacquainted with the rural lifestyle that he has put on a pedestal.
  • The whole family would probably go, so Kitty would get a chance to get reacquainted with the grandfather she thinks hates her
  • It will allow him much more freedom, but in a setting where there is a little less opportunity for him to get into trouble than in our urban part of the world.
  • It will be a visit so may not trigger his abandonment issues and he will have reasons to come home.
  • Trial run on meds and stuff - while we get his SSI/ Medicaid worked out here.
  • Good excuse for us to get a Power of Attorney
  • Gives us a break, and would allow me to work through the Summer if I get a job (Grandma is fine supervising the other kids, although Kitty doesn't handle it well).
  • If we can find the money then we could tag it on the end of a trip to Nebraska and kill 2 birds with one stone.

Cons

  • We might have difficulty getting him back - legally in TX and OK he's an adult, if he doesn't want to come back it would probably be impossible to get the police to help
  • Adoption subsidy, getting switched over to NE Medicaid, not being there to sign legal stuff issues
  • Handling meds
  • He'd probably receive no psych services and therapy for the entire time he's gone
  • Getting him there and back - probably drive which costs money
  • Having to talk to the relatives to see if they'd even want him
  • If he has a breakdown, meltdown or difficulties of any kind we won't be there to help - or document them
  • Legally he's an adult - if something goes wrong he could have major legal trouble - and he'd be in another state.
  • He'd get used to a LOT of freedoms and will probably be allowed to get a driver's license.
  • We'd miss his 18th birthday and his adoption day (both at the end of July).

I'm sure there's a ton more pros and cons those are off the top of my head. I just don't know what to think about this.

6 comments:

Lulu McCabe said...

That's a tough one! I'd just say, don't underestimate the value of catching a break to reset and reset for yourself! I recently let T stay at one of my friend's homes for a week and I was pleasantly surprised - he was very pleased with himself for managing himself well through this little episode of relative independence and he learned things about being a guest in someone's house and making friends.

Sunday Koffron Please Stand Up said...

I just started reading so I don’t know the whole story. But if you have a special needs child going on or just turned 18 I would implore you to get the POA taken care of ASAP. I made the mistake of letting my (husband’s step) nephew who had lived with us through high school turn 18 without having it, the minute he got SSI his low life parents begged him to come home, spent ALL of his retroactive benefits, kicked him out again and cashed his checks for years, telling him that he had stopped getting it. Needless to say he still calls us when he gets in trouble, and he does. Thankfully I have kept all of his medical records which has gotten him out of an AWOL charge with the Army (I have no idea how he got accepted in the first place) and another jail stint out of state. We have still not been able to get his SSI reinstated and as of last week he is living in a homeless shelter in California.

Sigh.

If I had known then what I know now…. I have no doubt that he would have still gotten him self into trouble, i would have been better able to protect him (from himself and his parents) financially.

marythemom said...

Hi Sunday - What's a POA?

Mary

Sunday Koffron Please Stand Up said...

Sorry, Power Of Attorney.

marythemom said...

Thanks!

Mary

Sunday Koffron Please Stand Up said...

I might even if I had it to do all over again try to get legal guardianship…now we just sit around and wait for the next absurd jam he getshi mself into. it is so sad and frustrating.