Last week I gave Kitty’s special school principal a heads up that we were going to need to talk about job changes at the IEP meeting (among other things). Don’t know why it didn’t occur to me, but unfortunately the school decided to discuss our decision to stop supporting her working at GAC on MONDAY. She came home upset that I’d e-mailed her teachers against her wishes again. We reviewed some of my concerns (focusing on the stress and anxiety that the GAC job produces, her isolating and shutting down and refusing to be part of the family) and she actually took it rather well.
Here's the points we covered that we will need to repeatedly remind her she agreed to:
- We talked to her about the shutting down/ freeze/ isolating behavior she’s been increasingly showing, and her repeated statements that she’s not willing to deal with any issues or be part of the family because she’s not willing to take any chances about going back to the psych hospital. She tried to deny that she’s been sleeping or isolating all day, and said she’d been out of her room more, but I pointed out that appears to be only because she lost her iPod on Saturday (and the novelty of having her Netflixs account on the TV - which she decided to do after losing her iPod).
- She agreed to go along with us telling the school that we would no longer be willing to take her to GAC so that the school would look for another job for her that would start during the school day.
- If the school was unable/unwilling to find her another job, she agreed to continue to work at The Book Store so that she isn’t coming home mid-day (because we are not comfortable with her being home alone unsupervised for long periods of time if I find a job and/or Bear ends up moving home).
- Although I feel the stress would be too much for her and I’m unhappy that she will continue to miss so much family time, we did agree that if she went along with telling the school that she needed a new job, and she wanted to secretly continue to work at GAC, we would let her continue to work there. I HATE this, because I feel nothing will change, if she keeps this stupid job.
Not exactly what I hoped for, because I was really hoping to trigger a commitment from her to be a "family girl," but probably the best we were going to get under the circumstances. I did talk to her about the Basic plan vs Family plan, but left out a lot (mentioned it being a CHOICE to be part of the family and that family privileges included chauffering and cable TV).
I didn't even bring up the Boarder Agreement - honestly I never wanted that to be seen as a punishment, so this is better. Now we can use it as a tool when she graduates high school. Someone commented that it seemed like a document that was well over her head, and I agree! The reality is that ALL legal documents are over her head, and yet as an adult she will be expected to sign them (the main reason we needed to get legal guardianship). That's why she has given me Power of Attorney; she trusts me to explain documents to her and work in her best interest (kind of ironic!). If Bear moves home, we'll have him fill out the Boarder Agreement as well.