This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Boarder Agreement


This Agreement is between__Mary & Hubby Themom_(OWNERS) and _Kitty Themom__ (RESIDENT) for the rental of a room located at __123 Bogus Lane, City, TX #####_.

The monthly rent is $__550__, payable on or before the __10th__ day of every month beginning upon graduation from high school.  Prior to graduation, all other terms in this agreement are applicable.
A security deposit of $__900__, including Last Month’s Rent, paid on __________________ (date).

The premises shall be considered vacated only after all areas including storage areas are clear of all RESIDENT'S belongings, and keys and other property furnished for RESIDENT'S use are returned to OWNER. Should the RESIDENT hold over beyond the termination date or fail to vacate all possessions on or before the termination date, RESIDENT shall be liable for additional rent and damages which may include damages due to OWNER'S loss of prospective new renters.

  1. SECURITY DEPOSIT:  After graduation from high school, an additional $100 will be added  to each months’ rent until the security deposit (which includes the last month’s rent) is paid in full (9 months).  This shall secure compliance with the terms and conditions of this agreement and shall be refunded to RESIDENT within 21 days after the premises have been completely vacated less any amount necessary to pay OWNERS; a) any unpaid rent, b) cleaning costs, c) key replacement costs, d) cost for repair of damages to premises and/or common areas above ordinary wear and tear, and e) any other amount legally allowable under the terms of this agreement. A written accounting of said charges shall be presented to RESIDENT within _21_ days of move-out. If deposits do not cover such costs and damages, the RESIDENT shall immediately pay said additional costs for damages to OWNERS. 
  2. LATE CHARGE: A late fee of $_50_, (not to exceed _10_% of the monthly rent), shall be added and due for any payment of rent made after the __10th__ day of the month. Any dishonored check shall be treated as unpaid rent, and subject to an additional fee of $_25__. 
  3. PREMISES MAINTENANCE:  RESIDENT shall maintain room and common areas in a safe, organized, clean and sanitary condition.  (See Premise Maintenance Agreement)  All residents have equal rights to use common areas (family room, front room, game room, dining room, kitchen, hallways, bathrooms, laundry areas, and agree to respect the rights of other residents in such areas. 
  4. RESPECT:  RESIDENT will respect other’s feelings and rights and as such will be respectful and pleasant to be around to other residents of the premises and their guests.
  5. PRIVACY:  Other than in emergency situations (which include protection of RESIDENT’S health and safety, suspected unlawful activity or violation of the Morality Clause, and/or prevention of property damage) OWNERS will only enter room upon verbal consent of RESIDENT.
  6. RIGHT OF ENTRY AND INSPECTION: OWNERS reserves the right to enter, for the purpose of purpose of inspection, establishment of order, repairs, maintenance, inventory correction, and/or in case of emergency or suspected abandonment. OWNERS shall give 24 hours advance notice and may enter for the purpose of showing the premises to prospective renters, caseworkers/ social workers, for smoke alarm inspections, extermination, cleaning, and/or for normal inspections and repairs. OWNERS are permitted to make all alterations, repairs and maintenance that in OWNER'S judgment are necessary to perform.  RESIDENT may not deny access to OWNERS or authorized contractors attempting to exercise the OWNER’s rights or perform the OWNERS’ obligations. 
  7. LOSS/ THEFT/ DAMAGE:  OWNERS shall not be liable for any damages to or loss of personal property in the common areas, outdoor areas, room, or garage/ storage facilities. RESIDENT is strongly advised to secure belongings and consider arranging for insurance coverage of personal property.  Use of furniture, equipment, fixtures, food/ consumables, personal items not belonging to the RESIDENT, and services not specifically deemed for common use will be considered theft and is forbidden.  Removal of common area or common use furniture, equipment, fixtures, or other property is forbidden. Violators will be fined $50 per day for each item in their possession and/or for replacement of item.  RESIDENT is liable for all damage that is caused to the room(s) or any furniture/furnishing/ fixture therein. RESIDENT is liable for the cost of repairing damage to the room(s) and building.  
  8. INSURANCE: RESIDENT acknowledges that OWNERS’ insurance does not cover personal property damage caused by fire, theft, rain, war, acts of God, acts of others, and/or any other causes, nor shall OWNER be held liable for such losses. RESIDENT is hereby advised to obtain his/her own insurance policy to cover any personal losses. 
  9. GUESTS:   RESIDENT’S privilege to have guests is subject to the following limitations:  a) Guest(s) staying overnight without the written consent of OWNERS (requested at minimum 24 hours in advance) shall be considered a breach of this agreement. b) Guest visiting hours are between 10am and 8pm – it is strongly encouraged that RESIDENT request permission from OWNERS prior to the guest(s)’ arrival and that OWNERS be on the premises when guests are visiting.c) RESIDENT may not pressure or force other household members to tolerate the presence of a guest; d) The presence of guests must not restrict the free access of legitimate household members to all common spaces and to any private space they may have or create any situation that infringes on the right of roommates to remain undisturbed; e) The presence of a guest may not exceed 24 consecutive hours without prior written request a minimum of 24 hours in advance.f) Guests of opposite gender to RESIDENT or who have expressed a preference for same-sex relationships must remain only in common areas, never in private spaces. 
  10. PETS: No animal, fowl, fish, reptile, and/or pet of any kind shall be kept on or about the premises, for any amount of time, without obtaining the prior written consent and meeting the requirements of the OWNERS. Such consent if granted, shall be revocable at OWNERS’ option upon giving a 10 day written notice or immediately if there is any abuse or neglect of the animal or the animal is, or becomes, aggressive, disruptive or destructive,  or any members of the household have, or develop, an issue with the animal. In the event permission is granted to have a pet and/or animal of any kind, an additional deposit in the amount of $_________ shall be required along with additional monthly rent of $_______ along with the signing of OWNER'S Pet Agreement.
  11. PARKING: When and if RESIDENT is assigned a parking area/space on OWNERS’ property, the parking area/space shall be used exclusively for parking of passenger automobiles and/or those approved vehicles RESIDENT is hereby assigned or permitted to park only in the following area or space __driveway spot farthest from the front door_. The parking fee for this space (is $________ monthly).  Said space shall not be used for the washing, painting, or repair of vehicles. No other parking space shall be used by RESIDENT or RESIDENT'S guest(s). RESIDENT is responsible for oil leaks and other vehicle discharges for which RESIDENT shall be charged for cleaning if deemed necessary by OWNER. 
  12. HOA: RESIDENT agrees to comply with all rules and regulations set forth by the Home Owner’s Association.
  13. COMMON AREAS/ CURFEW/ NOISE: Without prior agreement, common areas are only to be used between the hours of 7am to 9pm.  RESIDENT agrees not to cause or allow any noise or activity on the premises which might disturb the peace and quiet of another RESIDENT and/or neighbor. Said noise and/or activity shall be a breach of this agreement. 
  14. DESTRUCTION OF PREMISES: If the premises become totally or partially destroyed during the term of this Agreement so that RESIDENT'S use is seriously impaired, OWNERS or RESIDENT may terminate this Agreement immediately. 
  15. CONDITION OF PREMISES: RESIDENT acknowledges that he has examined the premises and that said premises, all furnishings, fixtures, furniture, plumbing, heating, electrical facilities, all items listed on the attached Property Condition checklist, if any, and/or all other items provided by OWNERS are all clean, and in good satisfactory condition except as may be indicated elsewhere in this Agreement. RESIDENT agrees to keep the premises and all items in good order and good condition and to immediately pay for costs to repair and/or replace any portion of the above damaged by RESIDENT, his guests and/or invitees, except as provided by law. At the termination of this Agreement, all of above items in this provision shall be returned to OWNERS in clean and good condition except for reasonable wear and tear and the premises shall be free of all personal property and trash not belonging to OWNERS. It is agreed that all dirt, holes, tears, burns, and stains of any size or amount in the carpets/flooring, drapes, walls, fixtures, and/or any other part of the premises, do not constitute reasonable wear and tear. 
  16. HOUSE RULES: RESIDENT shall comply with all house rules as stated on separate addendum, but which are deemed part of this rental agreement, and a violation of any of the house rules is considered a breach of this agreement. 
  17. FIGHTING:  Threats or acts of bodily harm are prohibited.
  18. ASSIGNMENT: RESIDENT agrees not to transfer, assign or sublet the premises or any part thereof. 
  19. ALCOHOL/ DRUGS:  In Texas, the possession and/or use of alcohol by persons under 21 years of age is prohibited. Distribution of alcohol by sale or gift to persons under 21 years of age is forbidden. RESIDENT is held accountable for what occurs in the room(s) and is therefore expected to comply with state law in the use of distribution of alcohol. Alcohol may not be consumed in the public areas. Kegs, regardless of contents or amount, are prohibited on premises.   Failure to comply means RESIDENT is subject to immediate termination of the Boarder Agreement, removal from the premises, as well a disciplinary or judicial action and criminal prosecution.
  20. THERAPEUTIC TREATMENT AND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION:  RESIDENT agrees to attend recommended therapeutic treatment and take prescribed medication (as prescribed).  Failure to comply means RESIDENT is subject to immediate termination of the Boarder Agreement.
  21. MORALITY/ PORNOGRAPHY:  Inappropriate activities and materials such as pornography and media (games, movies, music, magazines…) designed for older teens or adults must be kept out of common areas and other residents of the premises must not be exposed to these materials.   Failure to comply means RESIDENT is subject to immediate termination of the Boarder Agreement, removal from the premises, as well a disciplinary or judicial action and criminal prosecution.
  22. FIREARMS/ DANGEROUS WEAPONS - Possession, storage or use of firearms or dangerous weapons are prohibited and subject to immediate termination of the Boarder Agreement, removal from the premises, as well as disciplinary or judicial action and criminal prosecution.
  23. PARTIAL INVALIDITY: Nothing contained in this Agreement shall be construed as waiving any of the OWNERS’ or RESIDENT'S rights under the law. If any part of this Agreement shall be in conflict with the law, that part shall be void to the extent that it is in conflict, but shall not invalidate this Agreement nor shall it affect the validity or enforceability of any other provision of this Agreement. 
  24. NO WAIVER: OWNERS’ acceptance of rent with knowledge of any default by RESIDENT or waiver by OWNERS of any breach of any term of this Agreement shall not constitute a waiver of subsequent breaches. Failure to require compliance or to exercise any right shall not be constituted as a waiver by OWNERS of said term, condition, and/or right, and shall not affect the validity or enforceability of any provision of this Agreement. 
  25. MEDIATION/ ATTORNEY FEES: If any legal action or proceedings be brought by either party of this Agreement, the prevailing party shall be reimbursed for all reasonable attorney's/mediator’s fees and costs in addition to other damages awarded. 
  26. REPORT TO CREDIT/TENANT AGENCIES: You are hereby notified that a nonpayment, late payment or breach of any of the terms of this rental agreement may be submitted/reported to a credit and/or tenant reporting agency, and may create a negative credit record on your credit report. 
  27. NOTICES: All notices to RESIDENT shall be served at RESIDENT'S premises and all notices to OWNERS shall be served at __123 Bogus Lane_. 
  28. CHANGES TO THIS AGREEMENT:  With 30 days written notice to Tenant, OWNERS may raise the rent, alter the terms of the agreement, or terminate the tenancy; 60 days written notice will be given to terminate the tenancy if RESIDENT has resided on the premises for at least one (1) year. Conversely, the RESIDENT MUST give OWNERS 30 days written notice of intent to quit the premises.
OWNERS agree to provide the following:

Electricity/ Gas
Sewer/ Water
Telephone (local)
Trash Removal/ Recycling
Food /Consumables – See Meal Plan
Transportation to therapy and medical appointments

Negotiated Separately:
Chauffer/ Chaperone services – including to work and to go out with friends
Eating out/ Snack food/ Take out/ Special meals
Vacations/ Parties/ Special Events
WiFi/ Network/ Cable
TV/ Electronics/ Appliances
OWNERS and RESIDENT agree to honor the following House Rules and any additional written Rules attached:
By initialing as provided, RESIDENT acknowledges the receipt of the following documents (copies of which are attached hereto) and are incorporated herein by reference:
______ House Rules           ______ Inventory & Condition Report
______ Furniture Inventory & Condition Report   ______ Repair / Replacement Agreement
______ Maintenance Request Form         ______ Inventory of Personal Property
______ Premise Maintenance Agreement         ______ Other: ______________________
______ I understand that I am entering into a legally binding agreement with landlord(s). I also understand that I, as an individual, am responsible to the landlords, the utility companies, and other tenants of the home.
The undersigned have read the foregoing Lease prior to execution & acknowledge receipt of a copy.
Dated this ____ day of ________________, of the year __________
RESIDENT Signature:
 ___________________________________________________ ___________________ Date
 OWNERS’s Signature:
 ___________________________________________________ ___________________ Date

KEYS AND ADDENDUMS: RESIDENT acknowledges receipt of the following which shall be deemed part of this Agreement: (Please check)

___ Keys #of keys and purposes ___________________________________________
___ House Rules ___ Pet Agreement ___ Other ________________________________

ENTIRE AGREEMENT: This Agreement constitutes the entire Agreement between OWNERS and RESIDENT.

No oral agreements have been entered into, and all modifications or notices shall be in writing to be valid.
RECEIPT OF AGREEMENT: The undersigned RESIDENT has read and understood this Agreement and hereby acknowledge receipt of a copy of this Rental Agreement.

RESIDENT'S Signature ___________________________________________________
OWNERS’ Signature ____________________________________________


Anonymous said...

Mary, I admire your writing very much. Your experience raising two children of trauma has much to teach all of us. Honestly, I'm not so sure about this new "boarder' arrangement. On a purely practical level, can Kitty understand this agreement? It contains some techincal terms that may go over her head. Also, since you are her guardian, can she legally consent to such an agreement?

It also seems to me (as an outisder)somewhat cruel. You have worked so hard to make Kitty seem like part of your family, and now it seems like you're telling her that she's been demoted to a lodger. Also Kitty's Borderline Personality Disorder may mean that she will interpret this contract very differently than you or I might. In her mind, she may perceive it as yet another rejection by care takers and failure on her part. One last point: this is giving Kitty exactly what she wants on some level. Her RAD says "I am bad, no one should love me" and drives her to behavior that makes love impossible. Now, her subconscious wish to push people away has become a reality. I'm sorry for this long post. I don't mean to sound harsh or critical. I follow this blog regularly because I think you are a doing a great job in some very difficult circumstances. You know what's best for Kitty ultimately.

marythemom said...

A lot of your points are why I'm still torn about this.

The biggest problem is that she is stuck and afraid to move. She could stay this way for YEARS! I need her to understand that her current behavior is not OK, and we won't tolerate it anymore. I know this will force the issue.

I need her to CHOOSE to be part of the family, as I cannot force her (that's why the post prior to this explains her options - basic vs family). This is more incentive to choose family, but the reality is that if she chooses NOT to be part of the family I need to have some things in place, because she's not going anywhere.

On a practical level, no, Kitty cannot understand this agreement. It's more about "shock value."

I am not legally her guardian. We decided we couldn't afford to pursue it.

schnitzelbank said...

I agree with everything the first commenter said.
I will add in, that I don't think this is legal or ethical. Kitty presenting this to the wrong person could land you in legal trouble.
Finally, "shock value" is a bad strategy with a Borderline person...

I would not do this. It will not go well. If you want her out, support the process of helping her secure outside housing, and let her go.

marythemom said...

Schnitzelbank - I'm not sure why you think this wouldn't be legal? It's a pretty standard rental agreement. Since she's legally an adult (we don't have legal guardianship) it's actually considered to be a good idea by many - especially since she "has" to spend her SSI money, because if she saves it and accumulates more than $2K then she risks losing it entirely. If for some reason she decides to take this option (which I actually don't expect her to), then I would carefully explain to her what it all means in language she can understand and over a period of time so she can absorb it all. She's not stupid; she just needs some extra help processing things.

I don't want her out! I don't think the "basic plan" will trigger that for Kitty. With her brother, a lot less than this sent him packing, which is why we didn't do it this way with him. Although if he does come home, then we'll most likely have this boarder agreement with him. It puts things in very concrete terms, which he needs.

For Kitty, the Basic plan vs Family plan is the important document. This Boarder Agreement is really just a visual aide, although if needed I'm fine with using it.

Maybe "shock value" isn't the right word. I do NEED Kitty to understand that she CAN'T continue on this way, and nothing else has worked to get that point across.
I know we're fighting against a survival defense mechanism, but I don't feel we have any choice.

I HOPE the fact that she knows she doesn't have anywhere else to go, especially until she graduates high school (most places that take adults don't have a way to accommodate school), combined with the fact that she doesn't really want to leave (due to the fact that emotionally she's still VERY young -around 10 on a good day)... will HELP her to make the conscious choice to go back to being part of the family. That's why I'm doing this now instead of after graduation. Even if she does choose to be a "boarder" in our home, that doesn't mean she's no longer family (and we'll make that very clear) - it just means we are setting up clear boundaries so that the family doesn't feel taken advantage of or threatened. It really is in her best interest, even if she can't see that.

Honestly, I expect her to be really mad (which is why we'll do this in therapy) and then stuff it all down (flip the switch - whatever you want to call it). After the rage and before she flips the switch, there's a little window that is sometimes the only way to reach them, and with any luck, we'll be able to access her emotions during this time and have a short, meaningful conversation, before she shuts down. It's not much to hope for, but it's all we've got to work with.

Anonymous said...

How will you treat her like she is still family if she chooses not to be, given that you said in your last post in this section that you'd make it clear to her that she was still family even if she chose not to be. Would you still let her go to your mom's house or do anything else with the family? I couldn't quite follow that.
And in your post on Friday, you said that you would no longer make the first move when it came to interacting with you and your husband. What if Kitty is upset and at least seeks you out for comfort, but at first doesn't do something like extend her arms for a hug or climb into your lap? Does she seek you out when she needs comfort? I know she spends a lot of time in her room, but does she do that when she also needs some comfort? Wouldn't rejecting her sad feelings make her feel abandoned yet again? What if she gets to a point where she can use her words to say that she needs to talk to you about her feelings even while she's still under the guidelines of the basic package. I'd say that using words instead of shutting down would be something to acknowledge, no? And what would you do if she started refusing to go to therapy, given that she is an adult now and legally able to refuse medical care?
This is certainly going to be a delicate balancing act. I hope it works, which ever choice she chooses.

schnitzelbank said...

In terms of legality, you should really consult with a lawyer for the ins and outs in your jurisdiction. I'm a landlord myself. And a parent. But not at the same time, and you get into all sorts of muddled grey area as to what rights you (!) sign away, if/when she agrees to be your tenant. If she can legally enter into a tenancy agreement, when she's already living there (is it considered a modification? There are legal differences). If she is already living there and refuses the terms, what then (in a legal sense)? All questions for a lawyer.

And if she does become a tenant, then you can't parent anymore. You sure won't have a warm reception in court for moving to evict over a messy bedroom. Nor can you demand she clean it, or else. Landlords often are not permitted to enter without notice, either (in my area, it's 24 hours). At the point she becomes a tenant, she is just that-- with all the legal rights that come along with it. And that sort of information in the wrong, meddling hands, could prove very dangerous for you in a legal sense. What sorts of rights to tenants have in your area?

You also start to have some additional responsibilities as a landlord at that point, too-- do you have to register with the county/city, pull a permit, have inspections, now you have taxable income, a different insurance rider, etc. I formed an LLC to limit my personal liability in the event someone is injured in my rental, etc. Again, say Tenant Kitty trips and falls in her rental and is injured. Good Samaritan becomes involved and puts her in touch with Ambulance Chaser Lawyer, who pursues you to pay her medical bills, on top of suing your personal assets for her pain and suffering. As merely your daughter, she has no legal standing to do so, but as your tenant, the law definitely tips in her favor.

On an ethical standpoint, weren't you considering at one point having her declared incompetent as an adult? But it's okay to back her into the corner with this document now, because you think it's a teaching tool? It's manipulative, and I think it is wholly inappropriate for a disabled teen with limited financial means and emotional capacity. Heck, it seems like you think I've interpreted this incorrectly- and I'm a neurotypical adult! How is she going to see this?

But that's my two cents. I hope you run this by a lawyer and her therapist before proceeding!

I understand that you can't continue on with her behaving in this way. I wouldn't want to live like this, either. But I honestly don't think this rental agreement is going to give you the results that you want. I'll be honest with you- I don't think anything will. If I had a crystal ball, I would predict that Kitty is pretty much Kitty. "Shock value" may shake her foundation, but not in the transformational sense. Probably more in the destabilization sense, and that doesn't sound like fun for anyone. :P

Miz Kizzle said...

I understand your frustration with the way things stand now with Kitty, but I agree with the other commenters that putting her on tenant status isn't the right way to go. I'm an attorney and I had a hard time making sense of some of the provisions in the document. I can't imagine how a young woman with an IQ in the seventies would process it. I suspect she would seem like just a lot of confusing words that mean you're angry at her, you want her to pay you a lot of money and she is not going to enjoy the same privileges that her brother and sister get for free.
Telling her she can no longer call you mom and dad seems harsh. I understand that you want her to change and you expect this to shake her up, but I don't think this is the way to go. You can't force someone to love you who isn't feelin' it. You also can't make a depressed person "fun to be with." About the best you can hope for is "respectful and responsible." A very simplified version of you document might work. I'm talking VERY simplified, like three paragraphs.
As for a commenter's suggestion of hiding a nanny cam in Kitty's room or wherever, that's a violation of her privacy. Imagine if someone hid a camera in your bedroom. Would you be respectful and fun to be with when you found out about it?

marythemom said...

Miz Kizzle - I addressed some of your points in my next post

A couple of points about paying rent, we have always let our kids know that they will not be expected to pay rent while they are in high school, but if they are working and still living at home, then I think it is only fair that they contribute to the household.

"You can't force someone to love you who isn't feelin' it."
I think my main assumption is that Kitty does love and trust us, but she has difficulty expressing it (something we've worked on for years) and doesn't believe she needs to (a belief I hoped the family plan would correct!).

We've been working on the concept of RRHAFTBALL for 5 years.
My kids know that "Fun To Be Around" is not about changing your emotions (actually Kitty is pretty stable on her meds and is not depressed), but instead it is more about empathy and how you act around others.

"Fun To Be Around – We try to be fun to be around all the time. This is not easy to do, but all of us are capable of it. If you are not feeling fun to be around, then you need to think about how to fix this (you can ask for help), and/or how to protect others from your bad mood or whatever is making you not fun to be around (this might mean staying away from others while you work this through). Your attitude is contagious.
We think about others. How are they feeling? If they are upset, is it helping if you are talking about your latest accomplishment? We use pleasant, calm voices. This does not mean we don’t get excited or talk about things we are interested in, it just means others have rights too – do they want to hear the “I hate Barney” song, or anything else, sung at the top of your voice while they are stuck sitting next to you in the car? Is it fair to demand they sit in silence or whisper because you are in a bad mood or have a headache?"

Nanny cam was never an option. I'm very aware of privacy laws.

Thank you for your comments and insights.

marythemom said...

As far as I know in my state, just allowing a legal adult to live in my home constitutes tenancy and as such I would have to go the legal route to get her evicted ANYWAY. Lots of parents of adult children, especially those with SSI, have them contribute to the household.

While I WISH we could afford to get legal guardianship of my daughter, we can't; therefore, one way or another, she's eventually going to have to sign legal documents whether she understands them or not - especially those for where she lives.

>95% of this document was taken from college dorm roommate agreements, co-op agreements, boarder agreements and house rental agreements. Very little was added by me.

Yes, it is restrictive and way too complicated, but so is living with a severely mentally ill person. f we were a therapeutic foster home/ or a group home the agreements we sign would be a LOT more complicated than this.

I've spoken to Kitty's therapist and we've decided not to give this to Kitty at this time, but I will be giving something like this to her after high school graduation and to Bear if he moves home. We need the protection it offers and she needs proof that she's paying rent for her SSI. I might amend it based on their needs and I'll probably have a lawyer look it over.

I see this as a separate issue from the Basic vs Family Plan - (it wasn't originally, but that has changed). I'm glad we're going to be able to separate the two for a lot of the reasons you guys have mentioned.

Anonymous said...

I agree 100% with Schitzelbank and if I was Kitty I would want to move out to some kind of assisted living situation to get away from you. I know in your own way you are trying to help but I think the detail and content you put into these agreements speaks volumes more about your own issues than your kids issues. And I think it is highly manipulative. I have an older teen very similar to Kitty and if her biggest issues were similar to Kitty's biggest issues I would consider myself lucky. Kitty won't live with you forever. She will find a way to manage - even if it is with some social services help.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a way for you to get your hands on Kitty's SS money.
Honestly, how do you live with yourself?

marythemom said...

I responded to most of these comments in another post, but wanted to address this one again.

"This sounds like a way for you to get your hands on Kitty's SS money.
Honestly, how do you live with yourself?"

Yes, we would be taking the majority of Kitty's SSI money.
1. If we didn't she would lose! her SSI benefits, because she can't accumulate more than a miniscule amount. Rent is a legitimate expense for SSI.
2. We're not rich. I haven't been able to work for many years because the kids need so much supervision, and when Kitty graduates high school she'll need even more supervision, because she won't be working. We need her income to contribute to the family. If/when she moves out either I'll go back to work, or we'll move to a smaller house.
3. We fully intend to save some of this money for her so that eventually she can use it to pay deposits and such if she ends up living on her own, or for "extras" if she ends up living in an assisted living situation.

"How do you live with yourself?" I'm fine with myself, because know your judgment is inaccurate.