Hindsight

Yesterday in therapy I think we finally discovered what Bear's love language is. It is so difficult to get him to talk about his feelings that we didn't pick up on the signs, plus I think when we first got him, like most young children (which he really was, even though chronologically he was 13), he needed all of the love languages.

My new theory is his love language is Acts of Service.

The therapist asked Bear how he knew I loved him. Here's some of his answers (after being asked the same question several times.)

• Because they haven't gotten rid of me.


• Because they give me the stuff I need like a place to sleep, clothes and makes me food(meet his basic needs)


• Because the other day when I sounded congested, I told Mom I didn't want to take more meds and she made me cookies. (Yes, allergy busting cookies).

Bear does like to do stuff to help others (speaking his love language?). He's always asking me what I'm making for dinner. I've always thought of it as being worried that he's not going to get his needs met. Now I'm wondering if it's his way of asking if I love him. Anyway, I'm going to try experimenting with this to see if this works.

On the brief description of of what Bear wanted from his parents. He wanted a mom who can cook and a dad who likes to do the same things he does and will spend time with him (Quality Time). Think he can have different love languages for different people?

Still haven't figured out what everyone else's language is either.

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On a related note, This weekend I signed up to make a ton of cookies (ended up with over 24 dozen). I used Pioneer Woman's Christmas Cookie recipe (aka Stained Glass sugar cookies). They turned out beautifully (will post pictures later). I brought some to give to the kids for lunch at Grandma's. The requirement to get a cookie? You had to tell me how pretty they were. Hey, I know how to get my needs met! (My love language is Words of Affirmation).

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Since we're talking about the cookies... I knew I wouldn't have time to bake all of the cookies (took 4 hours just to make the sugar cookies), so I had told Kitty that a consequence for her meltdown earlier in the day was to bake the chocolate chip cookies with Grandma and clean up afterwards. (The kids were spending the night at Grandma's).

Apparently Bear decided to do the cooking all by himself. I'd sent the dough to Grandma without the recipe, so the kids had asked her what temp they should be cooked at and she told them. Bear then put in the cookies for an HOUR! (he later told Grandma that was how long I usually put stuff in for) Luckily he checked them at 20 minutes, but of course they were already burned and smoking. He got so upset about Grandma telling him where he went wrong, that he left the room and refused to come back.

Updates clothes and cuddles

It’s raining here, but supposed to get back up into the 70s tomorrow. Still shorts and t-shirts weather though (OK capris instead of shorts for all us Southerners who think 70 is cold)!

I’m going through the kids’ old clothes and donating them to a local thrift store. I dropped off 6 large trash bags yesterday and have 5 more packed up for tomorrow (when it stops raining). Brought in almost that much over the last couple of weeks, but some of those bags included toys. Was really freaking out until I realized that since Summer before last (which is probably the last time we had a major purge) Kitty has grown from children’s sizes to a woman size 16! Bob has gone from about a woman’s size 10 to a 16 and back to a 10 (school PE in public school actually works). We won't even go into shoe sizes. Little Ponito hasn’t grown much over the last couple of years, and likes his clothes big and loose, but he has grown some and changed his taste in clothing.

Most importantly they went back to public school so no longer need to meet a private school dress code (and they hated their uniforms). Three Summers ago I dropped from a size 16 to a 6. Because of the stress of the last 3 years I’m back up (and over) to an 18, and I’ve gone to work in a totally new industry. Hubby’s gained a pant size. Bear is the only one that’s stayed pretty even.

Company is doing OK. The new guy seems to be working out. He still needs time to get up to speed, but we have high hopes. Jobs are trickling in, although most people seem to want to wait until next year to start.



Most of the kids are pretty stable right now. Bear is enjoying JROTC so seems to be staying out of trouble so he can stay in the program. We’re still working on his emotional issues (which JROTC could care less about. He doesn’t have to worry about getting kicked out for not communicating with us – so he doesn’t.). Not totally sure how his "new" therapist is going to work out. All attachment therapists seem to be a little different, and this one is no exception.



Kitty unfortunately is still needing a lot of external emotional regulation – which means I have to be home with her every day after school or she gets unstable, and threatens Grandma and Ponito, but she’s no longer suicidal. Recently she's decided she wants more privileges so is asking for more responsibilities. Today she did dishes without an argument or meltdown!! I know! I can't believe it either!

Bob is 13 – 'nough said. She’s also struggling with the extreme amount of homework that they expect from (non special education) students nowadays. She and I have been clashing a lot lately so Saturday I didn't let her go to Grandma's house for the night with the rest of the kids. We had a long talk about how the other kids need structure and need me to keep them safe. When I ask Bob to do something and she says No, as she often does, then the other kids hear it and refuse to do anything either.

We agreed that I would lighten up on her (reduce her chores and ask for less from her during the week when she's swamped by homework). In exchange she will be compliant with my directives at least in "public" (in other words especially in front of her siblings). If she has a complaint she'll pull me aside. We'll see how it works. I spent most of today redoing the chore chart.

*Shhh* don't tell anyone, but I've occasionally been letting Bob stay up with me past her bedtime and watch the latest Project Runway episodes. Only if she cuddles with me though!

Ponito is doing well. I know it’s tough on him to have all teenage older siblings. He often feels picked on I think. I love that even though he's almost 11 he'll still crawl in my lap and cuddle.

Maybe my love language is really Physical Touch?!

Love Tank

As you know I love the book The 5 Love Languages. One of the things the book talks about is a Love Tank. When you are being spoken to in your love language your love tank is filled. If you never hear your language, eventually your love tank runs dry. This often leads to divorce.

Lately I feel like I'm running on empty. My love language is Words of Affirmation. This means that I feel loved when people tell me they love me, praise me, write little notes, leave comments on my blog...

Everyone in my family has a different love language. In other words no one speaks my language. Hubby and I deliberately try to speak to each other in the other one's language, but when we are stressed and overwhelmed, it gets harder.

I feel like right now I have been pouring love and energy into the kids. This drains my love tank even faster, and intake from Hubby's love barely replaces the energy/ love that's being drained by him. I don't have a lot of friends right now and work consists of Hubby and I and that's about it - it's a big drain.

Ponito pours love back into my love tank, and barely makes any withdrawals. Bob is 13. She isn't taking out much, but as a teenager she definitely isn't adding any. Kitty has recently started to make the tiniest deposits, but of course is more draining. Bear is 150% withdrawal. The only other intakes I'm getting are from the internet and e-mail so I'm spending more and more time on the blogs, websites, and e-mails... until the wee hours of the morning.

When I was younger I had what Hubby and I call "Puppies." These were people that need help and providing it gave me some warm fuzzies, which added to my love tank. But eventually the drain of helping these people way outweighed the intake. I eventually realized each time that I couldn't do anymore, and then I would be done. I would no longer provide any support and stopped completely. I was done and didn't want to deal with them at all. Not something I'm proud of but justified/ rationalized and self protecting.

I did finally figure out that I was not really helping my puppies. I was perpetuating their learned helplessness. I stopped taking in puppies a long time ago. Some of this could be my bipolar disorder. I take on projects, work until I'm drained and can't do it anymore, and then crash.

Children are different. You're supposed to help children to the best of your ability. You're supposed to give and give and give and never give up or quit. Kids, especially those with major issues like my kids, need all the love and support you can give them. So where's the line? Unlike adults who can/should/ need to take care of themselves, my kids still need everything. They are still very young children living in teenage bodies.

I feel the need to turn off the many draining faucets dedicated to Bear. I have to staunch the flow before I'm completely drained (yes, I know it's a little late for that). I just don't know how to turn off just a few faucets so I feel like I need to shut them all off and cut him off completely. To protect myself. At the same time, I don't really feel that's right either. He's still a child. I'm torn. I'm not sure I'm making a difference, but I know I can't maintain this drain either. My love tank is empty. There's nothing left for anybody.


I do know that part of my problem is the "intake." I don't have a lot of inner strength. I don't fill my own tank at all (leftovers from a childhood of low self-esteem?). God fills a tiny bit, but nowhere near as much as He could (my own issues with my faith). I have few friends, because I don't have time to be the type of friend I think I should. I don't have a job that reinforces my need for approval.

I'm not trying to be whiny, I just need to keep working on ways to get what I need. I've thought about writing a book, but I'm afraid it won't work soon enough. I've thought about volunteer work (which will get me the positive reinforcement I need, but that requires effort, which we've already established I don't have time to give... I feel like it's a Catch 22. I hate those!

What fills your tank? How do you keep from draining dry?

Relationships and a clean garage

So much going on with the kids, but my biggest worry of the week is the problems Hubby and I are having. He told me yesterday that he feels like we’re just roommates, and that I don’t love him anymore - if I “ever did.” When we met I was struggling with an attachment disorder and a complete mistrust of men. He was amazing and never pushed me. He stuck with me and loved me for the years it took me to trust him. It’s been 15 years now and I love him completely, but apparently don’t know how to express it so that he feels it. We were both crying 10 minutes into the conversation.

We were doing OK until a couple of years ago, although apparently barely giving the other what we needed (if you’ve ever read The 5 Love Languages – we speak different languages. I’m words of affirmation and he’s quality time and physical touch). Then the kids came and our “love tanks” were drained completely on a daily basis. Both the older two kids have RAD, and out biodaughter recently became a teen, so you end up pouring love into them and getting nothing back. We are so overwhelmed with have almost nothing left for each other, and as .

We had a 2 hour conversation and hopefully came up with some ways to give each other what we need – that we can really stick with. I don’t think I’ve cried that much in a long time. Neither of us have had really good examples of a relationship that meets the emotional needs of both partners.

Despite Hubby’s unwillingness, the whole family spent the morning cleaning out the garage (partly because it was disgusting and partly because I needed to make it harder for Bear to hide contraband in the garage). I did let our daughter that just got home from residential psychiatric hospitalization on Saturday to quit within minutes of starting when she began complaining of a stomach ache (Hubby disagreed with my decision). Biodaughter refused to help and quit fairly quickly (Hubby took away her books and put her in the FAIR Club). She decided to quit anyway. She did make lunch for everyone, but it could have been so she could have what she wanted for lunch or to try to get back on our good side.

The good news is we did finish it and it looks nice. You could still hide a ton of stuff in it, but that’s life. The trash man still needs to come and take away the tons of bags and boxes, but all the “good stuff” has been dropped at the local charity. Not sure what we’ll do to get rid of the big stuff that doesn’t fit in the trash cans.

5 love languages for teens

Adult Sunday school is studying the 5 Love Languages for Teens by Gary Chapman. I have gotten so much out of his books and highly recommend them. I've blogged about this before here, here and here.

Yesterday I found a brief assessment (http://www.selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=5lovelanguages) to figure out what adult's love languages are and decided to try it on my littles. Bear and Bob had to be asked questions repeatedly and really ended up taking the test twice. There are 6 people in my family and 5 love languages. We only repeated one! Five different primary love languages! No wonder this is so hard!

I read and explained the questions to Kitty and Ponito. Ponito's came out just as expected. Physical touch is his main love language. This does not surprise me at all. Ponito is my cuddler! He has to be tucked in at night with hugs and kisses... lots of kisses. Nose kisses give you bonus points. He gets awfully sneaky trying to kiss my nose!

Whenever he needs love he climbs in my lap or better yet, drapes his entire body on me (see picture). He spontaneously hugs and kisses me all the time. Physical touch is not my love language, but he speaks it so fluently it is truely a language of love and I know he loves me. I do not think I could have made it this far without my cuddlebunny. I don't know what I'm going to do if he becomes a cranky teen.

Kitty's love language is Receiving Gifts. Aargh! This is the love language that always come out last of the five for both Hubby and I. We just don't get it. It feels like the person is being selfish and greedy. Just not how we were raised at all. Actually that's not totally true, I think my Dad's love language is gifts. Probably one reason we had trouble communicating.

Bob had to take the test twice. I'm still not sure if she answered it accurately. It said her love language is Acts of Service. In other words she feels loved if someone is doing something for her. This isn't a bad language to have in our house. Grandma (who watches the kids during the day) and I both have the same love language, Words of Affirmation. This means we need praise and being told we are loved and appreciated. My mom taught me the best way to get praise and appreciation is to do things for others (Acts of Service!). Maybe all of those years of making costumes and fancy dresses was worth it (even if she refused to wear them except under threat of death).

Bear and Hubby are the only two with the same love language - Quality Time. Ironically they both have trouble getting what they need.

Bear pouts that no one does anything with him, but he's not a lot of fun to be around and apparently it only counts if you are doing what he wants to do. He spends most of his time alone, gotta love RAD. Some of this is probably because he prefers to be doing active things like hunting and fishing, and prefers to spend his time with men. Hubby on the other hand prefers scuba diving and playing on his computer. For Bear it's Dad or nothing. I'm OK to hang out with as long as I'm taking him shopping. Needless to say, especially with our finances, that doesn't happen often.

Hubby also prefers one on one time. For him it can be just sitting near each other watching TV, doing the crossword, or holding hand when we walk. That's great, but with 4 kids, full-time jobs, and both of us prone to insomnia when we're stressed... we spend a lot of time separately on our computers. Me blogging, him working or playing video games.

Speaking of which, it's getting late, I have to put up the food, switch the laundry, and IM Hubby to see if he'll stay up a few more minutes to do the crossword.

If I can just figure out why this thing won't save!

The language of Love

A few nights ago, I heard Bob crying in her bedroom, and went to check on her. She informed me that she felt I love Kitty more than I do her. She complained that we never spend time with her. I lay on her bed, rubbed her back and we talked for a long time.

I reminded Bob of how much time we'd spent with her when she was having trouble with her heart, how we stayed in the hospital with her, and took her to Houston for her surgery. I reminded her of how much time we'd spent with Bear when he was raging and having trouble with school, and how we visited him while he was in residential treatment. Just like Bob was, Kitty is ill and needs more attention right now. It doesn't mean we love either one of them more, just that one needs more help at the moment.

We talked about the 5 Love Languages (this is a great book by the way!), and how sometimes we think we're telling people we love them, but since we're speaking the wrong "language" they don't hear it. Bear's love language is most likely Quality Time, but Bear has issues with women so the only quality time Bear wants is with Hubby. Since Hubby and Bear don't enjoy the same activities this makes it very difficult for Bear to feel loved. Ponito's love language is most likely physical touch. Ponito feels very loved because he is a cuddler and Hubby and I are both very physically demonstrative with him.

My love language is Words of Affirmation. To feel loved I need people to tell me they love me, and admire and praise me verbally or in writing. We talked about how Kitty never says she loves me. In fact she usually is pretty verbally abusive to me. Babies and younger children need ALL of the love languages to know they are loved. We usually don't know what language the child needs to hear until they are over 8 years old. Kitty is emotionally and developmentally closer to 6 then she is to 13 so she still needs them all.

I've never been able to figure out exactly what Bob's love language is! Many years ago, when I was studying the 5 Love Languages in Children it suggested you simply ask the child how they know that Mommy loves them. My daughter was apparently in a silly mood and answered, when you hit me on the head with pillows and tell me you love me! Later she added and kiss me. So when we wanted to say we loved her, we bonked her with a pillow, kissed her and told her, "I love you." Repeatedly! What a goober.

Wow, I'd forgotten that until I started typing this post. I know what I'll be doing next time Bob looks like she needs some love! *grin*

So that night I reminded Bob that she needed to make her needs more known. When Ponito needs attention he climbs in my lap and snuggles. Bob pointed out that if she tried to sit in my lap she'd squish me! (she is over 5' 9" now). I pointed out that I could handle it if I needed to, but she was more welcome to sit next to me or lay in my lap!

Ironically Kitty was yelling at me about the same things Bob was upset about. She doesn't feel loved and thinks I love Bob more! *sigh* They do both have a point. With Hubby and I working full time jobs, there aren't many hours in a day that we can spend with the kids. *mommy guilt!*

My point to Bob though is that when we are home they do not seek us out. We are forced to deal with all the discipline because they will not accept it from Grandma. We have to make everyone finish their chores and take baths. We have to deal with Kitty's meltdowns and Bob's refusals to do these things. While I make dinner and do some light housekeeping, all the kids are dispersed. I love that they are enjoying themselves - outside playing, reading, doing their chores (one reason why these are supposed to be already done!), but it means that we get even less time together. We've tried having the kids take turns cooking dinner with whichever parent was cooking, but frankly got tired of having to force most of them to help.

So this next morning, instead of obnoxiously getting Bob out of bed by singing her the wake-up song, tickling her, taking her covers, tossing water on her and ordering her to get a move on - I lay next to her on the bed for a few minutes, rubbing her back and talking to her. (See, I can be taught!)

Imagine my surprise when I heard Bob crying again tonight! She said, I hadn't listened and all everyone did was yell at her, and I didn't love her.

OK, that ticked me off! I asked her how I'd woken her up this morning. She admitted it was a loving time together. I asked her where she was when I got home. (In her bedroom reading a book). So yes, I did start our evening off by fussing at her. She had told Grandma that she would not do her chores. Her book is due back tomorrow and she was almost done with it. Believe me, Grandma and I are also book addicts. We totally get this, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have to do her chores or can mouth off to Grandma.

We had the conversation about seeking out Hubby and I and participating in the family. We'll do our best too. There will always be times when we are so busy that things slip between the cracks, but it takes two! Bob needs to take a lesson from Ponito when you need some love, come'n get it!

Love Languages Update: 

Me - It took quite awhile after I finally got my "love tank" full (Caring for the Caregiver) before I finally discovered that I have a secondary love language (first is Words of Affirmation). My secondary love language is physical touch, which is probably why Ponito and I get along so well. 

Kitty - Years later, Kitty finally emotionally matured enough to discover her "love language," or maybe it just took us that long to figure out what was staring us in the face. Ironically her love language is also Words of Affirmation - which is why she always felt people were criticizing her and yelling at her, even when they weren't.

Bob - We're still not sure what Bob's love language is, but I strongly suspect it is Quality Time. 

When I look back at the kids' childhoods, knowing what I know now... I wish we'd done some things differently. I'm not sure we could have figured out the kids' languages sooner, but it probably would have helped to do what one does for young children and in new relationships... speak ALL the languages all the time. That's not too difficult. Right? Right?!

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Quality time! That's the 5th Love Language I couldn't remember! It's a big one and Hubby's primary.

We've done the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman about 1/2 a dozen times in Sunday school classes. It's a required book for marriage counseling for engaged couples for some churches (a really good idea by the way!). I highly recommend it. I thought I'd give y'all a quick summary.

Basically everyone has a primary love language. This is how you know people love you. You can tell someone you love them until you are blue in the face, but if their love language is physical touch and you rarely touch them - they will not believe you love them!! This is especially important with children in my opinion, but in all relationships knowing their love language (and your own) keeps you from getting frustrated and relationships from ending miserably. It's not totally obvious sometimes what someone's love language is, and some people are "bilingual", but generally here's the highlights.

1. Physical Touch - a big one with guys. This is physical affection (obviously), touches, kisses, hugs...
2. Acts of Service - this is how my Mom expresses love (although it is not her love language). This is doing things (making a meal, knitting a sweater, getting up and getting a drink for someone, mowing the lawn, paying the bills, taking out the trash...
3. Words of Affirmation - this is me and my Mom! This is being told you are doing a good job at something, saying "I love you," little love notes, even wolf whistles...
4. Quality Time - this is spending time together. (This is Bear big time! If you are not spending time with him, listening to him talk then you do not love him!) This doesn't have to be talking, can be just watching TV together, going places together, looking into each other's eyes...
5. Gifts - this is one of the few that Hubby and I do not have at all! It is however one of my Dad's, if not his primary. Not that everyone doesn't like getting gifts, but this person has a special place in their heart for the gift. It is a symbol of that person's love for them. They can tell you where they got it, who gave it to them and under what circumstances. They usually keep it in a special place and take great care of it. Think the Last Doll in The Little Princess movie/book.

Children need ALL FIVE languages and do not have a primary love language until they are early elementary age. This makes a lot of sense if you think about it. Babies especially need ALL of these things done for them.

There are tests you can take (here's one although it's not a great one - http://www.greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp ), and reading the book(s) really helps, but even then, sometimes it's hard to tell what people's love languages are. Some are obvious, like Bear, others not so much. Sometimes how they express love is a good clue, but that can be altered by experience (for example, my Mom is ACTS OF SERVICE all the time, but her love language is actually Words of Affirmation. I don't know if she was taught to do acts of service - a generational thing, or, more likely, she learned that if she does things for others they are more likely to praise her and give her the words of affirmation that she needs).

There is a 5 love languages book for children as well. They suggest a test if you really can't figure it out of trying by completely removing one of the love languages and seeing if it makes a difference (like not touch the child for a week). I suppose the opposite would be to go crazy with one and see if the kid blooms (that would be my preference - especially while we're still trying to get some of our kids to attach!). My kids would love treats and presents for a week!

Finding out someone's love language is essential! Basically it effects people's self-esteem if no one loves them (and if you're not speaking their language then you "don't love them!"). Also, if your "love tank" is empty then you are unable to give love or really even function well. You need love! Because half my kids are attachment disordered they are not going to fill my love tank. Dealing with them regularly drains it in fact. Because I am the only Words of Affirmation speaker in the house (that I know of!), it is not easy for me to get the words of love that I need to function. I have learned to encourage others to speak in my language (they can be taught!! *grin*) and I have learned to go elsewhere for ways to fill my tank. This is one reason I blog!! I love hearing from others that I'm doing a good job.

I have no idea what Bob and Kitty's languages are. I was thinking of trying the experiment of giving them tons of one language for a week and seeing how that worked. Then I started thinking that with Kitty, emotionally she's still only 4-6 years old, which means she still needs ALL of the love languages. I need to step up ALL the languages for her and see if that helps with some of the behaviors this week.

I also talked to her therapist and I'm trying to get Kitty set up for psychological testing for bipolar disorder. Will let you know how that goes. Speaking of which, I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon to see if I'm going to go back on a mood stabilizer - preferably one that doesn't cause me to gain weight this time. Better get back to work now!

Mary

Here's some articles about it too. http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm
http://www.sharedpaths.com/personal-growth-tools/5lovelanguages.html

Priorities

So Hubby has become pretty verbal on the fact that he thinks the reason I'm having trouble has more to do with lack of sleep then having bipolar disorder. He is anti-meds anyway, but has said he doesn't object to me taking them, just that he's not sure I need them.

We had a big conversation in the car on the way to work yesterday about my priorities and whether or not I was spending too much time on the computer (as the therapist and Hubby believe) and not enough time with the kids. So I decided to write down what I actually do all day, to help me decide what to give up - since something obviously has to go, and sleep is apparently not the best choice.

I realized there is very little "Me" time that doesn't involve the computer. If you're familiar with The Five Love Languages (a very good book by the way), my love language is "Words of Affirmation" which means that I crave/ need people telling me I'm doing a good job and that I'm a good person. (The 5 languages are - physical touch (Hubby's!), gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation and ... dang, I can never remember the last one!). So anyway, I need lots of affirmation that I'm doing the right thing. I do not have any "local" friends that I talk to on a regular basis (everyone is as busy as I am!) so I love the internet because I can "talk" to anyone at any time - even midnight, and that I can meet people who not only "get it", but who have BTDT!

So when people say, get rid of the computer time I panic! I'm an extrovert working in a tiny office where everyone is super busy (no gossip or chatting), with very few friends. Having noone to talk to but Hubby, kids, Grandma, and my friends on the internet.

Anyway, here's my priority list. I didn't add up the hours - a lot of them overlap anyway. I learned my time with the kids is highly influenced by the fact that I feel like I do nothing but listen to complaints about them and by them.

Priorities

Computer Time/ Me Time
- Morning Routine (makeup/ clothes/ reading) 45 minutes
- Bath / reading (1 – 1 ½ hours 3-4x weekly)
- Sleep (6 hours)
- Hide in potty and read (5 minutes)
- Read e-mail at home (30 minutes 2x daily)
• Forward jokes
• Answer any actual e-mail
• Read the list serves -Teen and Little Zebra
• Forward daily parenting reflection to Mom
- Skim “Decorating” message board (3 minutes)
- Check Google reader for blog updates (15-20 minutes 2x daily)
- Read Adoption.com message boards (30-45 minutes)
• Special needs
• Attachment
• General parenting
• Others
- Write blog – (1 – 1 ½ hours 3-4x weekly)

Work - Write proposals (30-60 minutes)
- Read/answer work e-mail (3 minutes but all day)
- Write Proposals/ work with Chuck (30 minutes)
- Play Spider Solitaire (5 minutes x all day)
- Attend meetings (0-3 hours a day)
- HR (5 minutes)
- Watch TV at work (and doze) 1 or 2 hours

Kids
- Call doctors, fill out paperwork, read/write teacher e-mails, read articles (10-45 minutes per day)
- Redirect kids for not doing chores and force them to at least attempt them
- Argue with Kitty (30-45 minutes - total)
- Check if have homework
- Mediate argument about what to watch on TV (5 minutes every half hour – or 10 minutes for a movie)
- Placate Ponito when he gets outvoted, calm down Kitty when she gets loud (5 minutes+)
- Cuddle with Ponito (10-15 minutes)
- Tell Bear he can’t do something (5 minutes)
- Listen to Bear ramble (10-20 minutes)
- Force Bob to take a bath, take out her lenses and get to bed (10 minutes)
- Watch TV with kids (30 minutes to an hour)
- Attend Therapy (1 – 1 ½ hours 2x weekly)
- Write FAIR Club assignments (30 minutes to an hour weekly)

Household-
- Cook (30-45 minutes)
- Laundry (15-20 minutes 2-3x weekly)
- Shopping
• Prescriptions (15-20 minutes 3xweek)
• Grocery shopping (1 - 1 ½ hours weekly)
• SAM’S Club (1 - 1 ½ hours weekly)
• Salvation Army (1 hour weekly)
• Big Lots/Bread store/Dollar Store/Pet store (45 minutes weekly)

Hubby -
- Talk in car (1 hour)
- Lunch 20 minutes
- Crossword (20 minutes 1-2x week)
- Date night (2-3 hours weekly)

Grandma-
- Sunday lunch (2-3 hours)
- Venting after work about kids(20-30 minutes)
- E-mail (5 minutes 1-2x week)


So I'll be deciding soon what to do about it all. Maybe I'll limit most of my computer time to work hours. Maybe with more sleep I can actually start participating at work and doing more there - instead of being overwhelmed and doing nothing but cruise the internet and play solitaire. I went to bed at 9pm last night so we'll see if that helps today.

Mary