Bear goes to the doctor

Bear is getting ready for football practice to start so he went for his physical.

I forget how many issues he has until I see him shut down and get surly. He cooperated with the nurse, but he was not happy!

He has a hernia! No football practice for him until we see the specialist, confirm the diagnosis, have the surgery (if needed of course) and recovery time. One unhappy Bear! He keeps insisting he doesn't have a hernia. *poor Bear! Denial will NOT make it go away son!*

He also has problems with heartburn (never told us). 3 blemishes that are swollen and irritated on his forehead (he claims they're old, but the doctor says he still needs to see the dermatologist. $50 specialist copay, ouch!). Thought about it, but didn't have the nurse practitioner yell at him for using snuff. She already gave him a hard time about not using sunscreen. Got one immunization for Meningitis. Flunked his urine test (?!), apparently he's not supposed to have proteins in it, so he had to get his blood drawn. Oh, and his spine has a slight curve to the right, but she just casually pointed it out, so I'm assuming we don't need to do anything.

Still laughing at the expression on his face when he found out he was going to have to wear the cute little robe. The Female nurse practitioner and I stepped out of the room while he changed. My son of course can never have less than 3 layers so he only took off his jean shorts and left on his undies and gym shorts. LOL. He did take off all of his shirts (cause he had to).

Overwhelm

I am on overwhelm. While I try to figure out how to get caught up from all I've volunteered for, here's something for you/me to contemplate.

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.'

When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

Do you know Clay O'Connor?

There's a woman who has had a vey tough life and is trying to find her way. She is searching for someone from her past named Richard Clay O'Connor. She is on the line of having faith in God and I would love to be able to help God reach her. So if you have heard of this man, please contact her by clicking on his name and leaving her a comment. Or leave me one, and I'll pass it on. There's a time crunch here so please let her know what you know!

Richard Clay O’Connor, most often called Clay.
5′8″-5′10″
Long blonde hair (back then)
Dad owned a tattoo shop
Had a foster mother who was a cop for a hospital
Lived in Florida for a while (post foster care)
Lived in Oklahoma for a while (post foster care)
Worked at a KFC or Wendys (can’t remember which)

This woman made a deal with another blogger, an adoptive mom of 12 named Claudia. Claudia asked this woman, if she believed religion was a crutch, what would happen if they prayed, and then he was found... What would that mean? So they talked about it and the woman agreed to give it a chance. Claudia asked her what her deadline was… the woman told her, "I didn’t know you could give God time frames." Claudia laughed.

So Claudia and this woman made a deal. If they find Clay by Nov 2nd, the woman opens herself up to the possibilities that religion might be more than a crutch. She’ll research christianity a little harder than she has and give it a fair looking over. If they find him by September 1st, she’ll allow Claudia to talk to her about God. The last was if they find him by August 1st, then without question she will seriously start considering that God is not only real, but he cares about her personally because that gives hardly a week to move mountains… she agreed to those terms.

Then she told Claudia that like in Pretty Woman when they were bartering… she would have let Claudia talk to her about God anyway…

People say that if you pray, you should generally let God know what you want and why. Then, it’s up to God to determine if you need it, and when to give it to you.

"If you pray, please pray. Please pray that God steps in and takes control of this situation and leads me down a path that will not only find my friend, but be reunited with him as well. Please pray that God takes control of this situation and the outcome is something that I’m emotionally strong enough to bear if the worst has happened."

A cRADptastic week.

So the fun continuous.

Remember the pictures of girls in their undies (mostly, apparently there were a couple that showed full frontal) that I Ponito found when searching Bear's room? Well, I had paid Ponito to help me with the cleaning (mostly doing the lugging - trash, laundry, confiscated stuff).

Apparently while throwing away the bag of trash, Ponito pulled out the pictures. And proceeded to sell most of them to a neighbor kid (also 10 years old). If you're thinking oh just typical boy stuff - he hasn't hit puberty, yet, and he used the money to buy a stuffed animal!

So he's grounded. His stuffed animal is confiscated (as are the pictures) and he will have to pay a $20 "fine." (twice the cost of the "stolen" items.). Now I get to figure out what to give him for a FAIR Club assignment. The neighbor family already told him he can't play with their kids for "a while."

Of course he knows that it was Kitty who told on him so he's already threatened to kill her. *sigh*

Bear's 1st anniversary of his adoption is tomorrow. His 16th birthday is the next day. I had already decided his girlfriend (who is allegedly going to be out of town all next week, one of the excuses he gave for skipping school to spend time with her) could come to the family party on Saturday, but that was it.

I let him talk to GF this morning and he claims her dad died of cancer yesterday. Her mom, stepfather and brother went to Sea World or Disney World or somewhere and she's staying with her best friend in our neighborhood again. *sigh* So of course she "needs" him. What do you do?!

I told him she could go run errands with the family for a couple of hours (library, hardware store), but then she needed to go home. Grandma apparently forgot to drop her off (or didn't get the message). So the GF was here for lunch, watching a movie afterward, and now is planning on meeting them at the pool.

I'll get no "credit" for allowing this time together. All he'll remember is what a restrictive witch I am. *sigh*

Last but not least. Got a all from biograndma. Apparently on Tuesday, Biomom packed up the girls (my kid's bio half sisters) and moved from Nebraska to Texas! She didn't tell anyone, just did it. Grandma reached her (I guess via cell phone) and Biomom said it was to be closer to my kids and because she thought she could get more assistance for school (she's been getting grant money for college for 5 years - spends it on other stuff).

Not sure who she knows in this city, but she went there before when she visited my kids in January. She mentioned she'd be visiting there in September and asked if she could see the kids then. I hadn't answered yet, because I couldn't decide what to do. I want the kids to see their sisters, but not Biomom. The town she's now in is still almost 7 hours away from us (Texas is huge!), but I'm freaking out!!

RAD boy

You asked what Bear did to get in trouble.

So far we’ve discovered that:

Bear’s lied about where he’s been for the past week and a half (or more). He’s missed at least 3 out of the 5 days of Summer school so far and we have no idea where he really was (he's admitted to wandering the school when he was unable to get off the bus without getting caught, working out at the rec center, and spending time with his girlfriend).

His girlfriend and friends have lied to us about where he was.

He’s started using tobacco again. Although he swears it's not his.

He’s hoarding food again. Wouldn't bug me so much if he didn't keep every single dish in his room (full of rotten rinds and things), leaving the rest of the family with no dishes. Plus according to the amount of candy wrappers I found he must be so high on sugar it's no wonder he can't sleep.

He is not regularly taking his sleeping medications, and probably not taking others. He admitted that when he doesn't think he needs them he just doesn't take his sleeping meds. Of course he firmly believes that it's normal to only sleep 4-5 hours a night. It's "my fault" he doesn't take his mid-day meds, because I forget to fill his box (mid-days are the one type of meds we let the kids take with minimal supervision - someday he's going to have to remember to take meds on his own.

He’s stealing electronic equipment from elsewhere in the house and using it to watch and listen to movies and music that are inappropriate. Not sure where all the CDs and DVDs are coming from. His little brother is happy to have his MP3 back.

He’s staying up till all hours. I’ve found evidence that he probably has a trac phone again so he’s most likely back in contact with bioparents, and texting until all hours of the night. This could explain some of the recent behaviors.

FYI, he never confessed to anything and denied most of it. The rest was OUR fault. This is not everything, just the stuff I can prove.

Right now he is defensive and angry. He's mad that he's in trouble and therefore mad at us/me.

After an hour long diatribe about how fast our heads are going to spin when he turns 18 and blows this popsicle stand, and how we're crazy if we think we can keep him locked inside all the time. (I pointed out that between school and swimming, he'd been out of the house most of the day, and I wasn't keeping him from going out, just not without supervision).

I told him he'd only been grounded for 2 days so far, and he knew this was coming. There was no way he wasn't going to get caught. He grumped, loudly, for about an hour - then Hubby came home and he shut down.

Within an hour he was watching the movie he'd chosen (so much for hating TV), I had doctored his hand from where a kid at school had somehow managed to get pencil lead stuck in it, let him talk to his Nebraska Grandma on the phone, talked to him about college and possibly being a police officer, he got to choose what we were having for dinner, and I gave him a haircut (his request).

But we're horrible parents who love the other kids more than him and want him to be miserable.

So which is the real story? He's miserable and we don't care about him or he's totally fine?! *sigh*

Why I've been MIA

Howdy y'all!

Sorry I've been away for so long. I am a moderator on a new website! http://rad-online.org/ It's for people involved with Reactive Attachment Disorder (adult survivors, parents, and the "community" - social worker, therapists, caregivers...

It has many forums and a chat board. I've been up past 1am most nights chatting with the founder of the board (that's the only time I can find to do it). It's exciting but exhausting at the same time. Good thing I'm mostly a "stay at home mom right now."

I'm also trying to keep up with "real life."

We're still on hold with Kitty getting in to residential treatment. I think we're just waiting for state funding (I'm going to say once again Thank God for Lisa! If not for her, we wouldn't have gotten residential treatment funding put in our adoption subsidy and would be up the proverbial creek without a paddle). Kitty actually wants to go and is upset at the delay.

Bear got in major trouble on Monday and in searching his room I discovered that he's such a horrible packrat I couldn't even find all the "contraband." So I decided to strip his room. Took me 4 hours, 10 garbage bags (5 trash and 5 "stuff that doesn't belong in his room"), and 10 loads of laundry (or more). I'm removing all the furniture except his bed and a glass desk so it's easier to search next time.

At first I had the littles helping (so I could get it done before he got home), Bob could lift the bed so we could get stuff out of the bed frame, but then Ponito found some soft porn pictures and I decided they needed to let me finish.

You don't even want to know what all else I found! The "good news" is he's such a packrat that he never got rid of all the OTC sleeping meds he's been palming, and he kept the wrapping for the new Trac phone (still haven't found that).

I did "his" bathroom too (also disgusting). It's supposed to be used by all the kids, but no one else will go in there. Had to laugh at some of the stuff I found in the cabinets. Apparently it's been awhile since I "decluttered." I found little plastic barrettes and diapers!

Next is the garage. With the temperatures in the mid-100s though, I'm not looking forward to that.

Still haven't figured out what we're going to do about his birthday this weekend. The 25th is his adoption day too. Thought about waiting until the following weekend, but that's my nephew's 10th birthday. With Bob's birthday last weekend and my niece's a couple of weeks ago, we get birthdayed out.

Family and Contest

"You're not my real family."

"That's funny, I feel real. Honey, do I look plastic to you? Believe me baby, this is not a Barbie body!"






Real families are made from love, not blood. You do not have to be blood related to love someone. Mom and Dad are not blood related, but we still love each other very much, and we are a family. You are part of our family and I love you. Even if you move away and never speak to me again, I will always love you.





My friend Tiruba Tuba is having a contest about family to add to a book for older children in foster care waiting for a family.





Kids are waiting. Waiting for permanent families to adopt them. They are in foster care. They are nervous. Scared. Family hasn’t always meant something good or permanent to them. They may even still have family in their lives that they love and don’t want to lose those connections. This is a stressful time.



Let’s share with waiting children what family means to us. What does it mean to you???



Your Mission should you choose to accept it:
I challenge you to say why a permanent family is important TO YOU. If you are a parent, you can say why you wanted a family. If you are kid who was adopted, tell kids who are waiting what the good parts of being adopted is. Even if you have not adopted or are not adopted, tell me: Why do you love your family? You can show this in a million ways and I expect to see a million different results.





You have til Monday to LEAVE A COMMENT on this post http://tubaville.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/contest/) on what family means to you. For another entry, LEAVE ANOTHER COMMENT on how adoption has impacted your life. Remember, these will all be going into a book for older children waiting for adoption. You will get an extra entry if you link to this contest on your blog.

Mary's Family-

My family has changed over the years. My parents divorced when I was young and both remarried. Some of their new spouses had children so I had step siblings, step cousins, and even more grandparents. My family moved often too (9 different states and countries before I was 5). I can't say I understand everything my kids have been through, but I understand some.

When we adopted our children I knew I would love them just as much as I love my children I had by birth. They have had a hard time believing that, but they are learning it's true. I know that it will take a long time for them to truly trust me, and that's OK. We've got time. Even when they graduate high school and leave home they will continue to be part of our family -forever.

Our children still have contact with some of their birth family and foster family. I know they have enough room in their heart to love all their families just like I do. Even if they can't talk to a family member right now, that person is still family and it's OK for them to love them.

Family Expectations -

• Saying no to you does not mean we don't love you.
• Being in a family doesn't mean things will be fair. Life is not fair.
• It's a parents' job to help kids learn to deal with life in the real world and being part of a family.

We always expect you to try to be Respectful, Responsible, Honest, and Fun To Be Around (RRHAFTBA) and in return you will enjoy the rights and responsibilities that go with being part of this loving family. We do NOT try to make everything equal for everyone. We respect that each of our children has a different personality, is a different age, and has different wants, needs and abilities. Being part of our family means we sometimes cut you some slack and sometimes we’re here to help you live up to being more than average or equal.