This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

What about Bob?

Bob is my very smart, still growing, 12 year old. She is currently 5'7" (only a quarter of an inch shorter than I am -so far!). She wears a men size 12 shoe (that's a 13 in ladies!). She hates sports and is extremely uncoordinated (you would be too if you grew 4 inches a year - mostly in the Summer!). She loves to read and is very much a couch potato.

She got the nickname Bob in 4th grade when her science teacher kept confusing 4 girls who had similar sounding names. On one report card, Bob was convinced he'd given her another girl's grade (Science is one of her best subjects and this was a low grade) - so she changed her name to Bob. For the next year and a half, she wrote Bob on all her papers in ALL her classes. Remind me to tell you sometime about how my youngest son got the nickname DOT!

Bob started the terrible twos at about 17 months and finished at about 4 1/2! I started reading parenting books obsessively. My favorite was Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It helped me understand her better and gave lots of practical parenting techniques. I highly recommend it. Of course Bob never became the perfect child -even after all those books, classes, trainings. Following is a picture {all pictures have been removed from this blog} of the results of a timeout in her room where she found a pair of scissors (she blamed this on me of course!). All her dolls and stuffed animals got a trim, the strings on her beaded curtain, the strings on her brother's sun hat, her favorite dress... and on the this, the third day of Kindergarten she cut off most of her hair! Bangs down to the roots, sides up to her ears. Guess what horrible Mommy forgot to take pictures on the first day of Kindergarten. Yup!

At age 8, Bob started puberty! That's when I started hearing about growth hormones in meat and milk. Age 12 and she's still not done. They say the year before a child starts menses is the hardest because all those lovely hormones have no way to exit the body! I wish she'd start all ready!!

Bob is the child I get along with the best. We have a lot in common - reading being a big one. She is also my nemesis! NO other child can push my buttons or make me as crazy. It's like she was born genetically wired to push me to my limits. It's because of her I have all the patience that I need when dealing with Kitty or Bear, but it's also her that can have me tossing all my patience out the window in 2 seconds flat! How does the saying go? "I don't know if I want to kiss you or punch you!" *sigh*

It's because of Bob that I started "beating" my children. In our house "beating" someone is tickling them. It makes me feel so much better to say I'm going to BEAT you! I get all my aggression out chasing them around and tickling them. Kid giggles - is there a better sound?! Afterwards everyone feels better. (In our house there is also a rule that if you say Stop. The person HAS to stop. No one gets tickled if they don't want to be.)

Better go make dinner for my growing gang!
If "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger..." just call me Superwoman!

Edited to Add:  At age 15, Bob finally stopped growing.  She is now a 1/2" shy of 6ft (she rounds up and tells everyone she is 6 ft!).  We've always encouraged her to love her height and she has never slouched or felt negatively about it.  It seems to have given her a lot of confidence.  Now 18yo, she prefers to date guys over 6'5" and thinks it should be illegal for guys that tall to date short girls.  lol 


Kelly said...

Bob: very funny story
My daughter is 12. 4'10" (with her shoes on) 97 lbs. They would be a pair wouldn't they. :)

marythemom said...

He he! My daughter tends to gravitate toward the younger, smaller children (she's usually one of the youngest in her class because of her Summer birthdate). Of course part of the problem is EVERYone is smaller! Still it's funny to watch her running around with them.

Today at the doctor's office the doctor was asking Kitty (who at age 13 is only 5'3" - actually she's tall for her age too, but is probably done growing), "How's your BIG sister doing?", but Bob is a year younger than Kitty, so the doctor kept trying to rephrase it, "How's your LITTLE sister... no that's not right!" It was too funny.