This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Update/ Vent

Bear – He’s been complaining/whining for the last two weeks about how hot football practice is (yes, it’s been in the 100s, but the other 300 kids are handling it – they of course are actually drinking water all day so they don’t get heat exhaustion, Honey); how the coaches don’t care (that’s because you just stand around and you’re on Junior Varsity second string and in highschool being 5’9” and 200lbs is not as big a deal as it was on a small town middle school team, Sweetie), the trainers don’t care that he’s dying from his (psychosomatic) illnesses and injuries (that’s because all you are not really dying, Sugar). So when EVERYONE told him to stick with it, he decided to get himself kicked off the team by skipping practice (and doing who knows what). Which was totally justified because it was “our fault for not letting him quit.” Everyday he’s trying to manipulate us into taking him to the school and leaving him there unsupervised. Not going to happen, Sweetheart, this Momma trusts you as far as she can throw you.

The good news? Because school starts on Tuesday and he quit the team on Friday this mucks his schedule up completely. He’s working his way out of a special program for emotionally disturbed kids so their principal is able to work with his schedule and get it to work, eventually. Plus, Bear is on fairly good behavior so we will allow him to change to the ROTC program he wants to join.

Kitty – She went to residential treatment last week. They started school the following day (all our other kids don’t start until tomorrow). We’d sent a lot of information ahead, but since the schools were still closed while we were filling out applications, none of that was included. I signed all the releases, but they still have her in regular classes so must not have her IEP or they’d know she’s in almost all resource room. They called her old school’s counselor asking for info about her dyslexia with Math that Kitty mentioned she had?! In other words, they know nothing (she doesn’t have dyslexia, she has a learning disability in reading and is years behind in all classes but science where she gets inclusion help)! The school of course refused to give confidential information to some random person who obviously knew nothing without a release form or six. No one in the new school has returned my calls so I don’t know if I can send them any info.

The good news? It seems like her new therapist seems great and she actually read Kitty’s entire 25+ page timeline!

Bob – Just turned 13 last month. She is now 5’10” with men size 13 feet, and a bra size of 34D. I can’t find her any nice shoes and she’s complementing her ample bosom with tight shirts or ones that fall off her shoulders (think Flashdance) and her long legs with short shorts. I refuse to buy them of course, but she just wears her old clothes over and over again. She refuses to buy anything new, and if I trash something I hate, she just wears that many fewer clothes.

The good news? Bob isn’t acting like a teenager right now!!! She’s almost fun to be around.

Ponito – having the same problem of wearing his clothes over and over, but for him it’s because he’s too lazy to bring me his laundry to clean, and he LIKES wearing the same things over and over and over again.

The good news? Ponito hasn’t been having as many pouting fits where he kicks things, and is mostly my sweet baby boy.

Hubby – I don’t know how Hubby is functioning. Our company is in the toilet (and not because we’re designing one unfortunately); the bills are triple what we make and except for the calls for Bear from the girlfriend he wants to break up with, all the calls are debt collectors; we’re about to lose our health insurance (which is what’s paying for Kitty’s residential treatment); one of our former employees is suing us for back pay AND the overtime we didn’t know she qualified for (luckily she was pretty lazy). The bank foreclosed on our business loan, taking the collateral – the property our business was in - so we’ve spent the last few weeks using the (whiny) kids as slave labor moving everything we’re allowed to out of the old building (an old house) including all the dusty tons of stuff from the attic, and the rat poo covered things the pack rat of an original owner stored. Did I mention it’s a 45 minute commute from our house and the new building to the old building downtown? One way. And the air conditioning in our car went out over a year ago. And this is the hottest Summer Texas has ever had in recorded history with temps in the hundreds almost every day. And we’ve had to make MANY, MANY trips back and forth.
So Hubby’s trying to juggle the finances (including the fact that we have no money); trying to coordinate all the contractors; trying to set up the new business – including finding a building we can (hopefully afford), getting the phone, internet and electricity set up; trying to deal with family needs (like Bear going missing, having to confront him with his lies, and then having to take him to meetings with his coach, oh and of course all the dealing with Kitty going in to treatment); oh, and in his spare time(!), trying to make sales calls to bring in new clients in this economy. Needless to say, he isn’t sleeping, and he’s pretty short-tempered and cranky.

The good news? He hasn’t keeled over from a heart attack and he’s still plugging away.

Me – I’m overwhelmed with multiple doctor’s appointments for everyone; packing, sorting, and unpacking the business; trying to keep up with all the kids’ stuff - getting all the tons of paperwork filled out for Kitty and of course getting ready for the kids to start school tomorrow (paperwork, school clothes, coordinating schedules…). This is causing insomnia and an addiction to my computer so I’m spending a lot less time with Hubby who is short-tempered and it makes him very upset with me for not helping him more at the company. I’m irritable too, and trying so hard not to take it out on the kids and Hubby. Bear’s bad behavior is giving me flashbacks to how he was before treatment and worrying that he’s regressing. I’ve gained even more weight, and although I was doing aerobics with the girls for a few weeks, that went by the wayside the minute Kitty went to residential treatment.

The good news? Kitty’s therapist praised the thoroughness of Kitty’s timeline and thought I should write a book! Plus, at an Open House for Bear’s school tonight, Bear admitted that I’ve only lost my temper and snapped at the kids maybe 3 times in the 3 years I’ve known him! With my kids/life that’s saying a lot y’all! And the last time was over a year ago.

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