This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Is it over?

Good news! Kitty’s psychiatrist has reinstated her Abil*fy. Hopefully that, on top of the additional med, will finally get her stable. She did make it through school today, with no issues as far as I know. She was extremely agitated on the way home, but managed to keep from threatening me, so I allowed her to isolate. So far no major meltdowns. I just gave her the Abil*fy. Please pray, cross your fingers… whatever you do - that Kitty responds well.

Mary Themom
cell (###) ###-####

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.
~Walt Streightiff

Kitty's evening:

Kitty's meds HAVE to be changed. Ms. Pdoc Liaison, please call me and let me know what we can do. She is not safe right now. The whole family is struggling with being around her, and I’m barely able to keep her regulated.


Kitty had a tough morning yesterday. We argued about what to eat (she preferred nothing, I insisted on more – she claims I “shoved down her throat” the slice of lunch meant, ½ a slice of cinnamon toast, and cup of zucchini – that she chose to eat when I told her she had to eat more than nothing, more than a slice of meat, more than… She finally ate and I got her calmed down. After all the arguments that I was “trying to make her fat” by forcing her to eat when she wasn’t hungry (her meds decrease her appetite), she insisted I take her to the grocery store for some ice cream (I didn’t). Food is a major trigger for her. When she’s stressed (like therapy) then she gorges. Last night when she got mad, she said she was going on a hunger strike, but I knew she wasn’t capable of doing so. We keep reinforcing with her that she HAS to eat to be healthy, and have been working on helping her understand portion sizes and the difference between junk food and healthy food… but she doesn’t want to hear it.

She continued to get agitated several times, but I managed to get her regulated again. She even got her room picked up (chores) and some computer time (privilege). Then we went to school. On the way there she told me that she was in love with a boy that she had met at the psych hospital, and needed a Faceb*ok page to maintain contact with him. I explained to her that the hospital had a reason for having a no contact rule. That relationships started this way, highly emotional, crisis, sharing really personal info with someone – without getting a chance to get to know them… can really skew her feelings. Plus, right now she, and the boy, need to be focused on healing, not someone else. I also pointed out that she KNOWS this boy has issues (drugs, depression, cutting…). This is not the best person to have a relationship with… someday, if this really is her soulmate then they will run into each other again, when they’re in a good place. I tried giving her relevant examples from my own life, but she focused on the fact that I wasn’t allowing her to “make her own mistakes” and of course she didn’t want to hear what I had to say.

We got there early and she talked to some of her friends during passing period. She chose to tell her friends that I was mean and too strict, didn’t trust her… Later, she took great pleasure in telling me that her ex-boyfriend thought I was a “bitch” and threatened to hurt me. She got a lot of reinforcement from her friends and got more and more agitated. By the time we arrived at therapy she was raging, but still managing to keep it to verbal threats. She chose to stay in the lobby instead of coming to therapy. Her attachment therapist and I talked without her. Finally after half an hour she’d calmed down enough to come into the session.

During the session, Sue let her vent, and I held my tongue and let her rail at me and threaten me. Anytime Kitty paused to see if she could get her AT to agree with her, she pretty much answered before the AT could – saying AT agreed with me because she was an adult and all adults took my side against her. She wasn’t really rational.

Kitty continued to rage all the way home. I couldn’t help but “rationalize at her” (explain myself), knowing it wouldn’t help but needing to respond in some way.

I tried to tell her that I still love her despite her current behavior, but at the same time I feel her threatening behavior wasn’t giving me a choice but to seek help (trying not to threaten her with phosp, but at the same time letting her know that I thought this was based on a chemical imbalance, not true emotions although I know it feels that way.) I tried to keep our conversation as supportive and non-threatening as I could, but it was difficult to do when facing the reality that she is not able to control this… and then we got home.

When we got home, she stormed into the house. I called her back outside and told her that I needed her to stay near me until she was calm, or that she could walk in the backyard. She argued with me, but then it was like she flipped a switch and was a little agitated, but pretty much acted as though nothing had happened. It was freaky, but she maintained it for the rest of the evening. Even came up and hugged me with an apology. Not sure if I scared her or if she dissociated or what. I had gotten her to take a Klon*pin while we were on the front porch, but it could not have worked that fast.

Tomorrow is her IEP meeting. She did fine in school. I still think she needs homebound, but it scares me a little that she’ll go off on me again. I guess it could have been the stress of school.

The case manager is looking at RTC for us. I hope we can get her stable with medication and that won’t be needed.

Mary Themom
cell (###) ###-####

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.
~Walt Streightiff


GB's Mom said...

Praying for stabilization.

Anonymous said...

Summarizing... does this mean the day went fine but the evening was hell?

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

Oh girlfriend. I wish things were dramatically better for you! I'm sorry I was so far behind, but just know that you are held up in prayer.