Kitty has decided to go live with biofamily to rescue/ protect her little sisters. The therapist and I suggested she just visit biofamily for a week or two to see if she could handle the triggers of being around Biomom and sisters, before she moved in permanently.
Originally Biomom was going to come to Kitty's graduation ceremony and drive Kitty back North. The idea of the trip, when combined with the stress of work and graduating high school, combined with all the pressure from Kitty's friends to demand adult privileges, was too much for Kitty and she cancelled the trip. Biomom didn't make it to graduation, but continued to pressure Kitty to move.
I took a deep breath, pulled up my big girl panties, and decided to drive Kitty up to visit for a week and a half while the kids and I visited other family. Unfortunately there were some events that made me feel that the environment was unsafe for Kitty, so I cancelled our trip. In Kitty's black and white world, if I had take Kitty she would have assumed she had my blessing (no matter what I actually said). I do not bash Biomom to Kitty, but I will protect Kitty from what I see as a danger to her mental (and also physical) health.
Kitty decided to take her graduation money and purchase a one-way ticket to move in with biofamily. Biomom has offered to support her free of charge. We have no idea how Kitty will handle not having insurance (she can't remain on our private insurance if she's not our dependent, and won't have Medicaid unless/ until she gets SSI. She will have no money (she'll wipe out all her income for the next two weeks buying an iPhone), and I will not be able help her access services and medications at that distance. I will update and send all her documentation of course. Hopefully Biomom can help her access free services and medications (without insurance her meds alone are about $1800 a month).
I feel I've done all I can.
We do not feel that this is a good choice for Kitty, but we'll still be here for Kitty. If she hits a wall, she hits a wall. She knows she'll always be able to come back home, and she knows that if/when she does that there will be rules and structure.