It's all about trust

So I got everything I need to get started on the trust jars and then started really thinking about how to implement it. I decided that rather than having them earn their way up to levels I would just start them out where I think they are - so now I have to figure out where that is.

I asked Grandma - who watches them after school. I asked the kids, which actually surprised me. All of them agree that Ponito (the 9 year old) is completely trustworthy. I don't know what to do about Bear though.

Bear is 15, he is diagnosed with RAD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, ADD, cerebral dysrythmia... He came into our home at age 13, and spent 8 months in RTC (which helped him a lot and got his meds and diagnoses straight - he's been home 8 months), his adoption was final in July. He attends a special school for emotionally disturbed kids that has only 20 kids in it and is doing great!

The school is pressuring me to put him in out classes at the high school - I've been saying no because this Summer we tried Summer School and he got kicked out after 2 weeks for bringing a toy gun (that looked real) that he'd stolen and was intending to trade to a kid that sells drugs for drugs!

So my dilemna. On a normal day, Bear is fairly responsible and semi-reliable - does his chores, behaves in school. When no one is watching, he sometimes orders his siblings around, borrows their stuff without asking (or tells them to give it to him), breaks it, and then returns it. Not malicious, but definitely not appreciated. I trust him about as far as I can throw him (he's 5'9" and about 200lbs), because he is so inconsistent and doesn't seem to understand the consequences of his actions.

He thinks I am "holding a grudge" and knows that I will not let the school give him out classes (which makes him angry, but he never lets us see that - he just stuffs it all inside). He sees himself as fairly reliable and trustworthy and having "earned his way up" (gotta love all the levels at school and RTC).

I love the idea of a trust jar, particularly for him, because I think having a concrete, visual reminder of his trust level will make it seem less vindictive. Because his level would be so low, my sister feels that this will be a big punishment and self-esteem damaging. The more I think about it, the more I think maybe he is not actually capable of building trust with me - because when he's good, he's very good, but when he's bad -he's scary. This trust jar may actually be punitive and damaging for him.

So what would you do? I realize this is part of his illness, and I am not mad at him. Despite what he says, I am not holding a grudge. He has recently begun asking for priviliges like going to the highschool for homecoming, and I keep having to say NO. I know it is damaging our relationship. I've talked to him a little about why I don't trust him, but he doesn't get it. Again, part of his illness, and years of building high levels in school and treatment centers gives him a feeling of entitlement.

He maxes out his level card every day. This is why I succumbed to the pressure this Summer to let him take classes out of his special program. Now I feel that the reason he is doing so well is because he is in the right place for him, school wise and structure-wise at home too. He is no longer under line of sight supervision, but he's close. This seems to be what he needs. How do you tell that to a 15 year old boy who's being told that he should get "normal teenage boy" privileges?

I really think the other kids will benefit from this concept for many reasons, and definitely want to do it for them, but maybe I shouldn't for Bear. Advice please?!

Mary

20 year high school reunion!

So I decided to just go to the casual "pre-party" rather than the fancy party on Saturday night. Saved $110 and got to see pretty much everyone I think.

Friday started pretty well. Because of Kitty's nasty cough I decided to take her to the doctor. Was just a nasty allergy attack, that could have led to bronchitis or something, but we caught it in time. Treat the symptoms and no antibiotics unless she gets worse. She's still pretty wiped, and it's a long drive to her school so I take her to Grandma's instead where my Aunt has just gotten into town. My cousin, her daughter has just had her first baby (Mom is 43 and NO ONE thought she would ever have a baby). My cousin and her family live in Germany so we only get to see pictures, but my Aunt brought plenty. My biggest regret? I am not blood related to my aunt - this woman is GORGEOUS! I hope when I am 70 years old I look half as good. Ok, I'm 38 years old and I do look half as good. *sigh*

Still it was wonderful to sit around and chat with adults and family. Since I'd taken the day off I decided to make an appointment with my doctor about getting off (OK, I admit it, I stopped taking it 3 days ago) my mood stabilizer. I have gained easily 40lbs and no end in sight. Doctor was a little nervous about going cold turkey, but I have 3 weeks to watch for symptoms (mania and trouble sleeping are my biggest issues). Of course, I am an extrovert and I'm getting to spend serious time talking to adults so I'm already a little manic!

So I'm in a great mood, Grandma has all the kids, and I go home to get ready for the party. I hadn't thought about the fact that I've gained so much weight. None of my "date clothes" fit!! After 45 minutes and some tears, I finally manage to squeeze into some control garments and an OK outfit. Makeup makes me feel a little better. Find some hot glue to fix my shoes, and we're out the door - only 1/2 an hour late.

I went to a school with a graduating class of about 600 people. I was only there my Junior and Senior year and I was NOT popular. Out of the about 150 people that showed up at the party (plus their spouses, a little overwhelming for introverted Hubby!)4 people were there that I was kind of friends with. Half the reason I went was to network, but most of the people were A) Drunk B) Only interested in talking to people they hung out with in High School or C) Both. I had some decent conversations with some spouses.

The first person I saw that I recognized was Darla. I'm not sure we were even friends, but I did remember her. When we were in high school she had used an eraser and literally erased her boyfriend's name onto her shin. Then it got infected and she had to walk around with her pant rolled up exposing her ex-boyfriend's name. WE did laugh about this.

Next person I knew was the first guy I ever kissed, Corey. He was still short and geeky, but now he was fat and balding too. He did think I looked great - like Geena Davis in Thelma and Louise (did I mention he was drunk too!) His name tag said "Ritchie's friend." Richie was my prom date! I asked if Richie was there. He warned me that Richie was almost blind, and then called him over. Richie never really looked at me, but he did remember me. We had gone to prom together, but he was so excited about the limo he and his friends rented that they wanted to leave and drive around downtown. I didn't want to go so he left me (not really a big deal -I had a ride home). Corey says Richie's always told the story as me dumping him.

I stood around in my 4 inch heels (I'm a little over 5'7"), thinking I didn't realized how short everyone was! It seemed like there were only 10 men in the whole room who were over 5'10"! Made finding Hubby (5'11 3/4") easy when I was ready to go! I only stayed about 1 1/2 hours. I had longer conversations with the spouses then anyone else. I was amazed at how many people had preschoolers! One woman I talked to had 9 month old twins and a 4 year old. Wow!

So I'm glad I went, but I'm equally glad it's over. I'm SOOO glad I didn't pay $110 for the experience!!

Today I went shopping for a little black dress. Didn't find one, but it's my new goal. Every woman should have one!

Mary

Cr@ppy day! Whining and disgusting stuff - feel free to skip!

I thought I could ignore it and all would be fine, but apparently not. Apparently Bob's tummy bug was contagious or the drink I just discovered is full of citric acid is triggering an allergy attack for me (I'm super sensitive to citric acid).

I admit it, normally I have a cushy job. I sit around and play Spider Solitaire and read people's blogs for most of my day. My job is really a part-time job because I am not a designer or engineer. Especially now that we've hired a sales guy. If I didn't ride in with Hubby every day, I'd get there at 10am and leave at 4pm. So of course today, when I start out the day nauseous (I now realize I drank a glass of the Fitness Water that I didn't know was full of citric acid with breakfast - even brought it to work with me).

So I spent two hours at lunch hiding in the break room watching Tim Gunn (from the Runway Project) in his show about what not to wear. This is the first time I've seen it, so of course it's about a full-figured mom who wears capri pants and untucked t-shirts - pretty much what I wear most of the time. So now I'm looking at my used to be stylish wardrobe until I started taking a mood stabilized and gained 45lbs, and thinking I could be that woman!

After lunch I started feeling a little better, and went back to work - did I mention I actually had to work today. No Spider Solitaire and the only time I got on the internet was to enter proposals on Salesforce.com. Send the last e-mail and run out of the building - late for Hubby to get to class (he teaches scuba every night this week and weekend).

Ponito and Bear are at friend's houses. The girls are happily watching movies, so I throw something together with leftovers and grab a drink (yes, the stupid fitness water). During dinner I start feeling bad again and even have a few blood blisters in my mouth, but I'm distracted by both boys getting back late, and Kitty coming down with what appears to be bronchitis (coughing like a sick seal).

So I drag myself out, go get Ponito from across the street - where of course he's pigged out on junk food and doesn't want dinner. Then I hand out meds and collapse again. Movie ends 5 minutes after bedtime - chase everyone to bed - except Bob - who hasn't showered in two days, and Bear who's talking to his biograndpa on the phone. Feeling worse. Dope up Kitty with her inhaler (actually Ponito's, but he's never used it, and I left Kitty's in my car all Summer which probably isn't good for it), a decongestant and Delsym for the cough.

I don't want to keep her home tomorrow because I have a new client meeting at their location in the morning, my Aunt who I haven't seen in 2 years is coming in just for lunch with my Mom and I, Bear has therapy at 4pm and that night is my high school reunion - the casual meeting, not the "prom", but I don't want to go to the "prom" because I don't have the $110. Guess I'll have to send her to Mom's for the meeting and then take her to the doctor in the afternoon.

So now the disgusting part. You have been warned!


So the kids are all in bed, and my tummy hurts, and I feel awful so I go to the bathroom. When I try to flush it decides to clog and starts flowing over - yes diarrhea everywhere (no idea why it got stopped up!). The plunger is upstairs too. So I finally stop it and then get to start cleaning up. Hubby is in class and everyone is in bed. Takes me an hour and then I have to drench the bathroom in Lysol cleaner and clean up. So now I'm nauseous, dizzy, and VERY clean.

The cherry on top of my day? Kitty got up while I was stripping off my sopping pants and kneehis (luckily she didn't look downstairs), and went into the bathroom. While I'm looking for a plunger I discover, yup, she didn't flush. Luckily this toilet didn't overflow, because I've had enough cr@p for the night.

Going to bed now!

Mary

Trust jar

The following is Aspenhall's description of the trust jar.

The trust jar is an large old random vase (from my dating years) filled with cotton balls (pink balls). It is placed on top of a bookshelf in the main living area of our home and visible from many places in my home. For each age you are, I expect the jar to be mostly full no matter the age.....so if you were 6 and the jar was less than half full, you would only get the life of a 3 yr old....constant supervision, no friends houses, or paints, or scissors etc... If the jar is near full you have full rights to everything a 6 yr old can do....playdough access, bike riding, friends houses, big kid books etc...

In order to "gain trust points/balls", you must meet my expectations. One point/ball per expectation met. If you make poor choices, you lose points...but not just one at a time. OH NO, trust is EASY to lose FAST, but very hard to gain back fast. Depending on the infraction, you may lose 2 up to EVERY SINGLE BALL. I never take less than 2. Because trust is twice as hard to earn once lost. I never tie the trust points to MY emotions unless my dd is attached fairly well. (for example, "I'm dissappointed with your behavior, and you now lose 3 trust points/balls.")

For EVERY SINGLE request, I consult the trust jar to see where the level is at. My basic response to any "can I..." priviledge request is always "I don't know, lets go check the trust jar". She is learning to build up her points, after a few bad days, before even asking me.

Now a child of mine, is a child who gets things randomly as I see deals or specials or things I think they'd enjoy. HOWEVER, it is up to my daughter to decide if she is trusted enough to receive the very cool things I buy her ( a 2 yr old cannot be trusted with a DVD etc..). They go up on the shelf next to the trust jar until, or unless, the jar is above half full, AND IF she has not -lost- a SINGLE trust point that day...which includes all of bedtime...the item of her choice is given ONLY the following day.

Some of the items include toys she has been grounded from, as well as books, DVD's, horse related items, etc....

On the items she has been grounded from, I may decide I no longer care to store them and I will be selling them on ebay for cash, OR she has the option of buying them back from me. 1 chore per toy is the price.

All in all it helps me see her good behavior (as she is quick to remind me she's doing well) and it helps illustrate the idea of trust VERY WELL. We started this awhile ago and she responded well, both when she had attachment/selfish issues, and also now. The jar takes all responsibility off of my shoulders and puts it squarely on hers. I don't make the choice of whether or not she may go to a friends house, SHE does, by the choices she makes. And it's futile to argue with a JAR.

As a special bonus, I have agreed to buy my child a HORSE......if she can keep the trust jar full (or near full) for an entire year.

The cotton balls were chosen, because anything cool would have been to tempting to take down and play with....also they're cheap. Also, points may NOT be earned by patronizing me...extras do not earn you points (such as rubbing my shoulders) only a happy attitude and trying your best will earn you trust. If you drag your feet and I have to remind you multiple times to hurry or keep going or stop playing around, you no longer get a trust point for that thing even if you complete the task I have asked you to do. I expect to have to remind a 7 yr old once to finish a 30 min chore. I expect a school age child to arrive home from school at a certain time (15 min allowed for only a 5 min walk home).

I expect the same to do as they're told, WHEN they're told. 2-3 points are given when you do the task before I even have to ask (brush teeth, put dish into dishwasher, start your chore, do your homework...etc...)

I try to keep my expectations reasonable, and I penalize HEAVILY for intentional deceit such as lying or leading me to believe a lie, or ANY sneaky behavior. I also never confront her about the obvious lie, I just remove the points. Plus, I base whether or not I trust your story on the trust jar! Even if I'm sure it's true, I'm not allowed to believe her if she doesn't show any trustworthiness (in evidence by the jar). My common response to her choices, nowadays, is "Oh, I'm sorry you chose to do that, because I know how hard it is to earn trust back, once it's lost". It took many weeks of being treated as a 2 yr old, for her to catch on. As it began I was a bit lenient because I wanted her to establish good habits quickly and without too much work. Over time, I adjusted my expectations slowly to the level she is at now. It hardly ever occurs to her to fight me when I ask her to do something...she nearly NEVER whines at her chores, or small requests such as put your shoes away. AND more than that, she is quick about it. I smile and Thank her as I put a trust point in....immediate consequences for good as well as poor choices. She hasn't needed a time out in months.


Because my children are substantially older than Aspenhall's I asked her some questions.

Re: Trust jar question

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Would this work for a 15 year old teenage boy?

I think it could work......the "trust points" are earned for meeting realistic expectations, so for example a 7 yr old would earn trust points differently and a bit easier than a teenager. If he does everything you ask when you ask without whining, he would get a trust point. Or if he does it without being asked he would get one. If he lies, or intentionally decieves the jar gets emptied. So really, how long it takes is totally up to him. Sneaky acts lose trust.
Line of Sight supervision stops at around age 5-6, so the jar would need to be 1/3 full before that stops...But once it stops, he can either lose points or earn them....the point being that HE is in charge of how quickly and fully he gets trusted....by his own actions/words.


How many cotton balls are typically in a jar?

I think the jar size could stay the same for any age child, and the amount can be the same as well. But a 5 yr olds responsibilities are different than a 9 yr olds, so they could earn them at the same rate, but a 15 has MORE opportunities to LOSE trust, where a 9 yr old has a bit less...because the perks of being trusted at 9 are less than being trusted at 15. A 15 yr old NEEDS the trust more than a 6 yr old would...so I would think the impulse to earn trust would be greater as the stakes are higher. Think of the level of balls in the jar as a percentage of trust. All kids screw up, so the expectation isn't to get the jar FULL, that gets you extras....beyond your years....I try to help dd aim for near full. No one is perfect and it isn't expected. She's gonna lie and possibly empty the jar, but to come to me voluntarily and tell me it was a lie, and "make it up to me" will let her earn back points immediately. So yes, the level dropped to zero, but within seconds it was building up again as she took responsibility for her actions.


My son has RAD, bipolar, ADD, PTSD, cerebral dysrythmia... do you think this will work for kids who may not understand consequences? (I linked this to my blog about him choosing to bring a "gun" to school.)

I think that trustworthy actions can be made if the desire is strong enough, even if they don't call it being trustworthy.....but since it is easy to lose trust and very hard to earn back, it establishes a good habit of checking your choices....if he cannot process action/consequences like with some FAS/FAE children it would be much harder.... So no I think almost anyone can learn to be trustworthy....you just have to find a way to make it matter to them. They may not care if being untrustworthy makes someone feel bad, but they would care if being untrustworthy affect their level of priviledges. I think for some people empathy may never develop. But the visual thermometer helps them pay attention to the effects of their choices. Like checking the weather to see what you'll need to wear, you check the jar to see what tools are needed to live without stressing. If he really wants to get above zero he'd have to show he was trustworthy consecutively for quite a awhile, because when you lose points you lose fairly big amounts at a time, and when you earn them back it takes awhile because you only earn them back one at a time... His good choices will have to be at least triple the amount of his bad ones to build up the jar...


Do you mind if I post this on my blog?
I don't mind you giving me credit or using it on your blog.....my own blog which I may discuss the trust jar concept on can be found at punkrebelmama.blogspot.com

Thanks,
-aspenhall

So now I have to work on my list of expectations for kids, and then I think this weekend I will be able to introduce the concept of the Trust Jar. I'm actually really excited by this idea, because Bob has started lying and being untrustworthy and I need her to understand that her actions have consequences. Plus, I think Bear will really benefit from such a visual reminder of why I don't trust him. I really want Grandma (our after-school provider) to be involved in this. I feel the kids are not benefitting from what appears to them to be her uninvolvement with their consequences. I also don't want her to have to feel she is "tattling" - this way she can handle it herself without having to commit us to the FAIR Club.

Yesterday, Bob was feeling poorly. She spent all evening, the time I was home anyway, laying on the couch - she didn't even eat dinner. However, she told Grandma that she'd done her chore for the day - cleaning the bathroom. This was blatantly untrue! Since I now apparently have her stomach bug, I feel total sympathy for not doing her chores. Lying about it on the other hand - is huge! I wish the Trust Jar was already in place!

Nauseously yours,
Mary

I am a "Very Superior" 1930s wife!

111 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior <>http://www.magatsu.net/maritaltest/"> Take the test!

I scored 111! Of course some of that was “cheating” I write regularly to my husband’s parents (e-mails count!!) I never wear pajamas instead of a nightie (I wear neither!). *blush* did I just admit to that?! I work with my husband so I "show interest in his work." And my Mama raised me to never swear!

Take the test and see how you rate?

Mary

Progress?

Lately Bear has been asking for more priviliges - mostly being allowed to go places like church events, friend's houses, walks or runs by himself, out classes at the high school... when I told him the other day that I didn't feel comfortable letting him do something - he wanted to know why. Usually he doesn't ask why, he just pouts - so I was glad he'd asked. I told him that I didn't trust him, and mentioned what happened in Summer school. He asked why I was holding a grudge?!





I've tried to explain to him that he has to build trust with us. I told him that it feels like every time we relax the rules a little bit, something bad happens (I mentioned the incident in June, but Bear is very much an out of sight out of mind kind of kid!). I'm looking into an option that was created by a woman on the special needs forum at Adoption.com called The Trust Jar. Quick summary, as the child slowly builds trust, the jar is added to with each trust building episode. If the child does something that damages trust they quickly lose a lot of trust points. The best part for me is that you treat the child based on how full the jar is. So if the jar is half full, then the child has all the trust and privileges of a child half his age. If the jar is empty, and say someone steals something - even though you may know it wasn't the child who did it, you say, "I'm sorry but I have to assume it was you." We do this now (often search only Bear's room when something is missing), but this gives me a concrete visible way of showing him why we do this. Instead of him assuming I'm just holding a grudge or something.





I'm asking for permission from the lady to post the details of The Trust Jar here. Plus I had some questions I hope she'll answer about the actual application. I'm hoping she'll say it's OK to post this, and will answer my questions. I really think this could help Bear understand. My only concern is how easy is it to earn trust? I don't think he's anywhere near ready for some of the normal priviliges a 15 year old is allowed. One thing this lady has done is tell her daughter that if she keeps The Trust Jar full (or nearly full) for a year, then she can have a horse. For Bear, I'm thinking Driver's Ed would be a good option. This gives me a year (or more) before I start having to worry about him driving.





Another thing I need to do is get a list of responsibilities and privileges of children of different ages. For example, I know a 1-2 year old is definitely not allowed to watch TV or use the phone, plays with playdoh and toddler toys (no choking hazards) and has a bedtime of 7:30pm.





I'm thinking a child age 7 and under should only be allowed to watch G movies and TV shows(no child is allowed to watch PG13/Y14 movies/shows in our house), isn't allowed to spend the night at friend's houses, can only play in the back yard - not the front, cannot use tools, can only use the phone with a parent sitting right there, and has an 8pm bedtime.





The hard part will be determining what is appropriate for each child and then sticking to it. Sticking to discipline plans has always been hard for me. Having 4 kids at 4 different developmental stages and levels of trust is equally hard. Plus, I have to be "true" to what I actually allowed my kids to do at the age they are operating at - the biokids know exactly what those are!!


Would love advice on what to do at the different levels. I figure I need 1-2 years - for those with empty jars. 4 year old (Ponito) and 6-7 yr. for those with 1/2 full jars. And a list for full jars for a 9, 12-13, and 15 year old. I'm kind of excited about this idea, and kind of nervous too.

Mary
"How full is my jar?"

How we got the kids Part 3

Look at these gorgeous kids! How could we not bring them into our home as our new children?! What few behavior issues we saw seemed easily handled. The caseworker and the therapist seemed totally comfortable letting Bear watch the kids play outside while the adults talked in the restaurant. -Now I avoid putting Bear and all the other kids in any role that seems "parentified," but back then we assumed he was just as mature and responsible as our Nephew Alan (who really was 16, unlike Bear who just looked that way). We now realize how badly Alan set us up! He in no way prepared us for Bear. We assumed all teenage boys were responsible, mature and trustworthy like he is and like Hubby was as a teenager. Since Bear was so big for his age (just like Bob) we easily slipped into the habit of treating him like he was older. NOW we know that due to his abuse, his length of time in foster care, his mental illness... he was developmentally and emotionally an infant. Oops! Foreshadowing here!

The girls were instant best friends! They seemed to be interested in the same things (playing dolls, watching movies, we went to a Carnival during our visit and the girls were attached at the hip). Bob was a little immature and so was Kitty. We felt like they were twins and maybe the fact that they'd be in the same grade would work out fine. Didn't last of course, but it was a lovely dream!
Ponito enjoyed having a big brother who could carry him around, just like his cousin Alan. Bear had many little sisters, but never a little brother. I think he enjoyed having a little brother to play with - still does. Hubby is not a big sports fan (except the Huskers!) and not a big outdoorsman. Ponito liked playing ball with the neighborhood boys and now he had a built in playmate.

So we told Nebraska that we wanted the kids and then settled in to wait for the ICPC (which is the group that makes sure that both state's adoption laws are met - Ts crossed and Is dotted). We were told that we would not be allowed to tell the children that we wanted to adopt them until the ICPC was done. We were allowed to call them weekly and chat with them - yea, that's not awkward! Calling a child and not being able to tell them you want to be their parent, but expecting them to talk to you every week. Especially since Kitty kept asking if we were going to adopt her! We finally told them that we WANTED to adopt them, and we were hoping we would be able to. Meanwhile, the months are ticking by...
I decide to make a Halloween costume for Kitty. I was going to make a matching one for Bob, but we realized there was no way the girls would be together for Halloween and quite frankly I ran out of time! Kitty wanted a Tinkerbell costume so that's what she got! I wish someone had taken a picture of her and sent it to me. *sigh* I bet she looked cute!

Because of the distance between Nebraska and Texas and the difficulties with traveling with two children (and quite frankly Kitty's raging ADHD made me seriously not want to spend a lot of time in a car with her!), we had decided with the caseworker that we would not plan another visit. The next time we saw the children it would be when they were placed with us for adoption. Crazy I know! I started asking the children how they would like their rooms decorated (if they came to live with us). I had to do something to pass the time! Bear told me he wanted his room done in pink camoflauge!! Yes, that kept me busy! Do you know how hard it is to find pink camo?!! We finally compromised with red camo. Couldn't find it in any fabric stores so I bought several X-large t-shirts from E-bay and cut them up to make pillows.

As the months crept by though, we finally decided to arrange another visit. The kids were getting antsy and acting out. The wait was making us all crazy. The caseworker was going to fly down with the kids for the weekend. Just before we got this arranged, we got notice that the ICPC was finally done and the kids were ours!

On November 4th Hubby and I flew to Nebraska. We got a rental car and drove to the small town where Bear was staying. Kitty was driven in. We picked up the kids, signed tons of paperwork, and drove back to a hotel near the airport. The next day, we loaded up the kids and their 2 suitcases each and took them to the airport. It was their first time on an airplane.
Poor Bear lost all of his fancy cologne he was carrying in his carry-on bag because of the laws about bottles of liquid. In loading the rental car, I accidentally dropped a water globe that had been given to Kitty by biomom. Other than that the trip was relatively uneventful. Kitty was excited about everything!

We had a layover in Colorado (we had to have a layover somewhere so we picked Colorado) so we had told my Dad and Stepmom to meet us there. They got to meet their new grandchildren, and spend 3 hours in the shops in the airport! Guess how well that went over! We were all bored and whiny, but no major outbursts - gotta love honeymoon periods!! Too bad they don't last!

We got home to find that Bob had continued to refuse to pick up her room to make room for Kitty (they were going to be sharing). Kitty suggested a trade. Bob would clean the room and then she and Kitty would play a game that Bob wanted to play. Kitty was so proud of herself for "tricking" Bob into cleaning the room and then not following through on the game as promised. She just didn't understand what that did to her relationship with Bob.

Anyway, that's how it all started. Then the honeymoon ended and the real fun began.

But that's a story for another day.

Mary