There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
My mom used to recite this poem to me often as a child. She could tell stories about me that would "curl your hair!" *wink*
Now I have a curly haired boy.
There was a little jock,
Who had a curly lock,
Right in the middle of his forehead.
When he was good,
He was very good indeed,
But when he was bad he was horrid.
Bear has overcome so many of his issues. With the proper diagnoses, appropriate medications, a father who doesn't beat him, an overprotective mother who doesn't allow him to parent her, and a school that supervises his every step. He has done so well.
So why am I completely unable to trust him?! I am told repeatedly that I have to let my children earn privileges and trust or they'll give up. Every 6 weeks he comes home with As and Bs on his report card. His weekly progress report calls him a role model and praises his good choices. Hubby thinks he is becoming attached to us and his issues are normal teenage boy stuff. It's been a whole week and no word about bad behavior or choices from the public high school.
All I can see is the lying to my face, "I hate my biomom. I never want to talk to her. I don't want her to know anything about me." While at the same time he was calling her and talking to her on her home phone and cell as recently as a month ago. I understand his need to talk to her. I even understand his need to be sneaky about it (we had forbidden contact). I am just upset that he felt the need to lie and tell me that he hated her so much he didn't want to talk to her. I have NEVER criticized her, in fact I play devil's advocate and DEFEND her most of the time. I tell my kids REPEATEDLY that I know they love their biomom and that's OK.
I think Hubby is dead wrong about Bear attaching to us. I think now that Bear is able to control his emotions, he is able to keep them locked in a box deep inside him (festering and not being processed or healed). I think he had a better chance of healing when he had to open that box and "vent the volcano." We were told early on that we would make more progress with Bear then with Kitty because he wore his heart on his sleeve. Granted he usually showed anger instead of fear, stress, or any other emotion, but at least when he was upset- you knew it. After a blow-up he would talk about his feelings - and they were real.
Now it is so rare to see him showing emotion of any kind. This picture of him laughing is one of the few times since I've known him that I've seen him with more than a mild expression on his face - unless he was raging out of control, or sobbing or scared after a rage.
I pity any woman in the future who tries to have a relationship with him.