I wanted to share these two recent writing examples by my boys. I realize that Ponito is a little advanced for his age (maybe a lot), but the difference to me is still incredibly striking. These boys are supposedly both doing on-grade level work. That's 5 grades apart. 6th grade for Ponito and 11th grade for Bear. Maybe my expectations for Bear are just too high because Ponito and Bob are very advanced for their age.
This is a song written for an 11th grade English assignment by Bear. I couldn't give you all the exact really weird spacing. He did this on a computer so all the mispellings are apparently because he ignored the spell check. He didn't make a great grade on it, but that was because he didn't do the assigned cover art and he turned it in several weeks late:
The County (supposed to be Country) Funny Boot Song
These boot are made for walking on this arena ground the’ s boots are made for walking stalking the’ s grounds Talking
My stomping grounds this song is not working so I’m going to walk way talking
My life without boots is making all the clowns frown like I’m sailing a way in a talking
Cloud with a big fat gray frown sing some blues about a man without boots
On my head there is thread that looks like bread that I found in my boots
One day I got a knew pair of boots that look just like the bread
On my big fat red head
I have on my head and it said to the boots on with some dreads
I think I’m going crazy so give me my meds because this is all in my Big fat
head that all I have in big fat head I think I’m dead….
This is an essay written by Ponito. Who is just starting 6th grade. It is a FAIR Club assignment he was given for playing a neighbor child's Playstation games which are rated T for Teen (he's only 11). This is very much against the family rules and he knows it. He was told he couldn't have the PS2 back until he'd written a 500 word essay explaining why I should allow it. This was not the first time he'd been caught sneaking around and doing stuff he knows is against the family rules. He and the neighbor boy weren't allowed to play with each other for a week.
Dear mom,
I have never done an essay before, but here it goes. I am not sure about Bear but I am really sorry about what I did! I know what we did was horrible because I should have known not to play a teen rated video game or a shooting game for that matter and we should not have done it but Star Wars Battlefront Two is just so cool I could not resist. Besides for Christmas you got me that Star Wars movie that you thought was a game but it turned out to be a movie. You said that you were going to go and try to get me a Star Wars video game, but you never did so I asked [Neighbor boy] if he could bring his Star Wars Battlefront Two game because his play station two (P.S.2) does not work. So he brought it over and we played but even though it was not in my head I knew I should have asked you!
And now that I have an Eye Toy from K_________ our cousin for the Play Station Two I really want to try that new game from Christmas really badly! And no the camera does not hook up to the computer (he means the internet). I know that you think that I really do not need the Play Station Two but I only tried to live a life without the PS2 to prove that I do not need the play station two to entertain me. I know that my life is good enough without the Play Station 2. Speaking of the play station 2 can we have it back because when I give this to you I am pretty sure that this essay will have 500 words?
Going back to the new game that nobody has ever played in this family, it looks really fun and I now wish that we can play it. Once we get the play station two back that game is the first thing I am going to do!
I also have not played any of the other games in a while like Nascar Thunder 2003 because I mean who does not like racing and flipping cars catching them on fire and I know what you’re thinking why is he saying on how to be destructive but inside me I know not to do this in real life because somebody could get killed if I wreck into them and get into a car crash, Corvette, and Corvette 2 Evolution, Need For Speed 2 because I like to race other people and wreck my car cause it does not make a single dent in the car but in real life if you hit a wall or another civilian’s car it would probably kill you or the other civilian and if not then you or he will get badly injured, ATV 1 and ATV 2 because I like going into the flatland area and flying backwards.
I am promising you that I will never play and/or watch a video game that is rated T for teen or a game that has shooting, cussing, kicking and, or punching or other things that you do not like in video games.
This is a song written for an 11th grade English assignment by Bear. I couldn't give you all the exact really weird spacing. He did this on a computer so all the mispellings are apparently because he ignored the spell check. He didn't make a great grade on it, but that was because he didn't do the assigned cover art and he turned it in several weeks late:
The County (supposed to be Country) Funny Boot Song
These boot are made for walking on this arena ground the’ s boots are made for walking stalking the’ s grounds Talking
My stomping grounds this song is not working so I’m going to walk way talking
My life without boots is making all the clowns frown like I’m sailing a way in a talking
Cloud with a big fat gray frown sing some blues about a man without boots
On my head there is thread that looks like bread that I found in my boots
One day I got a knew pair of boots that look just like the bread
On my big fat red head
I have on my head and it said to the boots on with some dreads
I think I’m going crazy so give me my meds because this is all in my Big fat
head that all I have in big fat head I think I’m dead….
This is an essay written by Ponito. Who is just starting 6th grade. It is a FAIR Club assignment he was given for playing a neighbor child's Playstation games which are rated T for Teen (he's only 11). This is very much against the family rules and he knows it. He was told he couldn't have the PS2 back until he'd written a 500 word essay explaining why I should allow it. This was not the first time he'd been caught sneaking around and doing stuff he knows is against the family rules. He and the neighbor boy weren't allowed to play with each other for a week.
Dear mom,
I have never done an essay before, but here it goes. I am not sure about Bear but I am really sorry about what I did! I know what we did was horrible because I should have known not to play a teen rated video game or a shooting game for that matter and we should not have done it but Star Wars Battlefront Two is just so cool I could not resist. Besides for Christmas you got me that Star Wars movie that you thought was a game but it turned out to be a movie. You said that you were going to go and try to get me a Star Wars video game, but you never did so I asked [Neighbor boy] if he could bring his Star Wars Battlefront Two game because his play station two (P.S.2) does not work. So he brought it over and we played but even though it was not in my head I knew I should have asked you!
And now that I have an Eye Toy from K_________ our cousin for the Play Station Two I really want to try that new game from Christmas really badly! And no the camera does not hook up to the computer (he means the internet). I know that you think that I really do not need the Play Station Two but I only tried to live a life without the PS2 to prove that I do not need the play station two to entertain me. I know that my life is good enough without the Play Station 2. Speaking of the play station 2 can we have it back because when I give this to you I am pretty sure that this essay will have 500 words?
Going back to the new game that nobody has ever played in this family, it looks really fun and I now wish that we can play it. Once we get the play station two back that game is the first thing I am going to do!
I also have not played any of the other games in a while like Nascar Thunder 2003 because I mean who does not like racing and flipping cars catching them on fire and I know what you’re thinking why is he saying on how to be destructive but inside me I know not to do this in real life because somebody could get killed if I wreck into them and get into a car crash, Corvette, and Corvette 2 Evolution, Need For Speed 2 because I like to race other people and wreck my car cause it does not make a single dent in the car but in real life if you hit a wall or another civilian’s car it would probably kill you or the other civilian and if not then you or he will get badly injured, ATV 1 and ATV 2 because I like going into the flatland area and flying backwards.
I am promising you that I will never play and/or watch a video game that is rated T for teen or a game that has shooting, cussing, kicking and, or punching or other things that you do not like in video games.
Ponito
3 comments:
Very remarkable difference, though I musy say that comparing a song to an essay is a little like comparing apples and oranges. I'm not defending Bear by any stretch of the imagination, but also consider that song lyrics commonly have intentional misspellings. I've seen it in lyrics on this kids' CDs. Unfortunately, spell check also misses words and the context of the meaning (county vs. country). I will say though that it seems obvious that Bear just wanted to get something turned in and he didn't put much thought into the meaning of what's written.
I'd take into consideration that Bear didn't care about the assignment because he didn't do the artwork and he turned it in weeks late. He knew it was going to be a bad grade and probably didn't put too much effort into it. I don't see that being 11th grade level stuff at all, but it's probably not a good thing to judge it on. Compared to Ponito, he wanted his PS2 back! His essay was entertaining. 500 words minimum... His run on sentences are funny. Does he usually write like that? Or talk? I hope he doesn't talk like that... haha.
Ponito is adorable. His arguments are adorable and he makes his points very well. He would make an excellent attorney.Good writing skills are important in the law, you can take it from someone who has read some horribly written briefs in her day.
I don't know anything about Bear's assignment so I can't make a judgment about his song. I concur with Tara-SanitySrchr. Yes, the lyrics don't make sense but neither do lots of hit song lyrics. Without hearing it performed it's hard to say how good or bad it is.
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