Monday, home from the hospital. She had a minor meltdowns about doingllaundry. We had our traditional Christmas Eve presents for all the kids. This is usually PJs and books, but since this year we all got new pjs for our Cmas pics... they got books and other "sleepy" items, lap throw for Kitty, a giant stuffed animal for Ponito's bed, speakers for Bear's ipod (since he sleeps with his ipod playing all night)...
Monday night I stayed up until after 5am, working on Kitty's paperwork and Time Line/Life history. This is a 52 page document that lists diagnoses and treatment history, cast of characters (including brief bios and diagnoses as appropriate), a timeline and all the detailed information I've learned over the years... it hadn't been updated in over 1 1/2 years (although I did do some work on the early years this Summer based on info that came out in sibling therapy with Bear). So all the recent hospitalizations wasn't in there. I did manage to get all the hospitalizations this year added, but it's missing a chunk of time I just couldn't get to.
Tuesday morning, Kitty opened her presents. All day Tuesday we did more laundry (meltdowns). She struggled all day, but managed to hold it together because we mostly sat around watching the DVDs she got for Christmas.
Tuesday afternoon, Kitty and I saw her attachment/somatic therapist. Therapy was tough, but we talked about the fact that she has different layers with ANGER being the top layer. The inner layer was her abandonment issues and trauma. Her nervous system is going to fight hard to protect that layer. So she needs to work hard to focus on that layer, despite how hard it is, in fact the harder it is... that's how she'll know what to work on.
We've been repeating to her over and over how much she needs to take advantage of this opportunity to be at a treatment center and needs to work on her trauma while she's there, and doesn't have to worry about hurting her family or her reputation with her friends. We know it will be scary, but she can do it - she's ready. OH, HOW I HOPE SHE DOES!!!
Tuesday night we went to my sister's house for Christmas dinner. (She and her family are traveling for Christmas so we had Cmas early). Kitty played with the little cousins and seemed to do OK. All the other kids went home with Grandma since we were leaving early in the morning and figured Kitty might do better if they weren't there to trigger her. I stayed up until almost 6am trying to finish her Time Line/ Life History.
Wednesday morning, I started sorting and folding the mountains of laundry (lots of towels and sheets), which upset Kitty into a meltdown. Then she quickly packed when I was doing something else. She got upset when I repacked (I needed to be sure she was taking appropriate stuff, and wasn't missing anything). I also made her get some more laundry out of the dryer. She hates anything to do with laundry (technically all chores).
She finally admitted the meltdowns were because she was afraid we would never come back and get her (like Biomom did). What could I say?! I just reassured her that we love her, that WE always come back, that we'd been through worse and were still here and still loved her, and most of all that she NEEDS this, and needs to work on her trauma.
Hubby had to work, and we were concerned Kitty would freak out, so my Step-Dad (Poppy) drove us to Houston. She and I slept a lot of the way (me because I'd only had a few hours of sleep in the last 3 days and her as a defense mechanism). She asked to go home several times. She promised to "be good." Oh my heartstrings!
Unfortunately they had me doing paperwork the whole time so I couldn't comfort her. Poppy did and was concerned about her obvious upset and that she was shaking like a leaf. Pretty soon they took Poppy and I into another room so she could get checked in, and I could fill out more paperwork.
We'd realized we'd forgotten one of her meds, and had to go to the pharmacy to pick it up. Should have only taken us less than an hour... but Poppy got seriously lost. Luckily when we got back, they let Kitty come back out and say a quick goodbye (usually they don't let them leave again once they go "upstairs."). She cried and begged. All I could say was we love you, you need this, work hard on the hardest stuff. Then we had to leave.
We normally can't talk to her, besides family therapy, until she reaches a certain level, which can take at least a couple of weeks, but the family therapist said we'll be able to talk to her Christmas Day.