Is Bob Bipolar?

Bob has a genetic predisposition for bipolar disorder through me. Looking back, I realize that I started showing signs of depression at age 13, but I know that it is hindsight that allows me to say this definitively. If I didn't have bipolar now, then all that depression in my youth would be attributed to normal teenage moodiness in a kid with issues.

One reason it took so long for me to be diagnosed is that I don't really show many signs of mania. Normally this would mean I just have depression, but with my strong family history of bipolar they call it bipolar with hypomania. What signs of mania I do have, I've always assumed were normal. Most of my friends would occasionally stay up all night to cram for exams or work on a project, or get psyched up to go clubbing when they were tired. What I didn't realize was that they were using caffeine or drugs, not chewing a piece of gum.

I was tested in college for bipolar/depression, and was told that I didn't have it. I was told instead that it was a "learned behavior" from growing up with a mom with bipolar disorder.

I've learned through reading The Bipolar Child that bipolar in children is often different than that of adults. That's why we didn't recognize the symptoms in Kitty and Bear. In kids, bipolar can be much more rapid cycling (between mania and depression). Mania can also be seen as irritability and anger besides just the elevated mood and hyperness that seems to symbolize classic mania.

So lately 14 year old Bob has been showing some signs. Super silliness for several hours, crankiness for no reason, mood swings, depression and sleep issues... but all could also be explained by the fact that she's a young teenage girl.

I decided it was time to talk to her about it. I mentioned that her behavior could be totally normal, but I needed her to watch for the more scary symptoms like suicidal impulses or feelings. She assured me that she didn't feel suicidal.

A week later she told me that she was getting worried that she did have bipolar disorder. I wasn't seeing signs that it was interfering in her life, and it's not like there's a blood test she can take to show she has it, so I told her we'd keep monitoring the situation. I again asked if she was suicidal and she said no. I sought reassurance that she'd come to me if she was, but she couldn't promise me that. Whoa!

We talked about how she needed to talk to me if she felt depressed, especially suicidal. If she felt she couldn't do that then she needed to talk to somebody. She mentioned her friends, but she's smart enough to understand and acknowledge why that isn't really an option. We talked about the fact that if you have suicidal impulses then driving a car could be really dangerous. She's not driving yet, but she's closer.

We don't have health insurance and I know most doctors probably wouldn't do anything for a moody teenager anyway, so I'm going to just continue to keep an eye on this. Hopefully nothing will come of it all.

Nip It In the Bud

This is the second letter I've sent to Bear's school this semester (they only started back 7 days ago). I sent it after having received a note from Bear's teacher saying 3 students skipped class on Tuesday, and 2 of them admitted it (wanna bet Bear wasn't the one who admitted it?!). Bear only has 2 classes a day at his regular school (the rest are at his special school).

Maybe they'll respond to this one since they didn't respond to the first.

In the last 7 days of school Bear has had 4 unexcused absences and 2 tardies. Since he only takes 2 classes a day at {regular school} this means out of 7 days of school he only has 14 classes and he was tardy or skipped 6 of them. That's almost 1/2!

One of my daughters heard today that he was driving “his” car to McDonalds. Obviously this is just a rumor at this point, but since he doesn’t have a car or a license, I’m worried where this rumor came from and if he was absent today...

I know he received a referral for skipping Tuesday, can you tell me what his consequences will be?

He has 2 unexcused absences and a tardy in 4th period, if I remember his BIP correctly that means he has a consequence? I know this is a new teacher. Is she aware of this?

Bear appears to think this is all no big deal. I’d like to nip this in the bud if at all possible. We do not want a repeat of last year. What are the next steps?

Mary

Free and Appropriate Public Education - NOT!

Thanks to the "No Child Left Behind Act", our children supposedly have a much better education, but as FosterAbba puts it in this post, that just isn't true for any of the kids in the US as compared to other countries. And the kids at the extremes are really not getting what they need.

We're just starting to look into a charter school for our really bright 14 year old daughter, Bob, and a different charter school for Kitty who in addition to being "emotionally disturbed," has ADHD and learning disabilities. Bear doesn't qualify for charter school because of his behavior issues.

We went the private school route, but couldn't afford it any more, and discovered that for Bob, she could finish school faster, but it wasn't a really great education, and for Kitty even though the school specialized in working with kids with attention issues, and they really helped her with finding and filling a lot of the gaps in her education, it was more focused on kids with Aspergers and they had no way to accommodate her learning disabilities.

Bear attends a special school for extremely emotionally disturbed youth, but he almost doesn't qualify because he's fairly stable... as long as he's in the rigidly structured, highly supervised special school. But it's aimed at kids who are unstable and so barely teaches the basics - so he's not really learning much... but at least he's not "left behind!" (that was very sarcastic by the way!).

We've discovered that "No Child Left Behind" doesn't mean that our son is being taught so he can catch up to his peers. It means he is given grades he doesn't deserve so he won't fail. When he fails the standardized testing (which they've modified to make easier), then they might give him a Summer school course, but it's not designed for emotionally disturbed kids (his behavior got him kicked out one Summer in the first week), or kids with learning issues (so it's too over his head and they tell us don't bother), or worse, he passed the class so he's told the Summer course is not for credit so he refuses to participate... and then they give him the test again (which he fails again of course because nothing's changed), and mark it as having "done all they can do"... and they pass him anyway. Every year. With no going back and fixing what

Both of my adopted children are in special ed classes (although no one calls them that anymore - they are "Applied" classes) and will graduate with regular high school diplomas, but we've been told that the diplomas don't mean they know what other high school graduates know. If they want a real high school education (especially if they want to go to a 4 year college) then they have to go to community/ junior college and take their core classes again. So much for a "free and appropriate public education."

We didn't discover this until the end of last school year, and we decided to use it in our conversations with Kitty about her unrealistic goal of going to Med. school. Her solution? Get back into regular ed classes.

Applied classes are small, usually 6 to 8 students. They are technically on grade level, but the kids are getting "core material." That means they get the same general concepts as regular ed, but not the details. So they learn that we have a solar system made up of planets, and they might learn the difference between planet and moons, but they would definitely not be learning about the atmosphere, what comets and Saturn's rings are made of, or why there is a debate about Pluto. (This is just an example by the way, I have no idea what they're really being taught about the Solar System - I just know that there are some concepts that as high school students I can't believe they've never heard of).

Kids are in Applied classes for a wide variety of reasons. So the teachers have to accommodate a lot of different things to get each child an appropriate education, and of course it still is focused toward bringing up the child who is farthest behind while the ones who "get it" wait. Kitty is bored a lot, and could probably attend regular ed classes with some accommodations for her learning disabilities, except for the fact that she is emotionally disturbed. She is easily upset, and when she is stressed, her skills drop to a much lower level (she's in 9th grade and we usually hear 2nd grade level under stress). Lots of students, drama, and chaos (such as you might find in a regular ed class of 35+ high school students) upsets and stresses out Kitty.

The problem is, that Kitty only sees that she's occasionally bored and wants to be in regular ed. She doesn't understand/ believe that she needs the Applied classes - and we're having the same problem with the school. They see a well-regulated, sweet child, because she saves all the rages and trauma for home. The few struggles they see they think of as normal, because for example, "normal" kids have some difficulty with getting homework done and turned in, but it's for totally different reasons, and the school doesn't get that.

The school doesn't think she can go to Med. school either, but they think she can do something in the "health field." The problem is that Kitty doesn't want to be a surgeon because she likes the field, but because it pays extremely well. She's not going to be happy with being a nurse or a med tech. It's an "all or nothing" thing, and by not being realistic with her, they are allowing her to live in her little world of delusion and we're going to end up with another child with unrealistic dreams and no real world job skills.

Financial Planning for the Adopted Child

We went to a meeting with a financial planner last night with a ton of good information about money, savings, and sending your adopted child to college. Quite a bit of it wasn't applicable to us, but I wanted to share.

The biggest and most significant thing for us was information about the Federal Adoption Tax Credit.

• If you adopt a child with special needs from foster care (if you get adoption assistance you can assume you qualify),


• you automatically qualify for the maximum amount of the tax credit (for 2010 it's $13,170 per child!)


• without having to prove actual adoption expenses (if you adopt internationally you qualify too, but it only covers actual adoption expenses which you have to prove).


• If you didn't apply for this credit the year you finalized your adoption it's a good idea to file an amendment.


• Until 2010 this was only available as a credit for federal income tax, which rolled over every year until it was gone,


• as of 2010 you have the option of getting a REFUND if you still have credit after all your taxes are paid.

This is huge for us because even though we adopted Bear and Kitty in 2008, we didn't have any significant income for 2008 or 2009. While Hubby had an income for 2010, we should still have a substantial credit.


Sending a child adopted from foster care to college or technical school:

A big focus of this meeting was the fact that most children adopted from Texas foster care are eligible for FREE tuition and fees for an unlimited number of years of public college (provided they work with CPS to obtain a waiver form and enroll before age 25 - they don't even have to attend consecutively - they can go to grad school when they're 50!). Of course we aren't eligible for this because we didn't adopt from TX. *sigh*

If your child was in foster care on or after the 13th birthday, he or she can apply for financial aid as an independent student (meaning parents' income or assets won't count when applying for federal aid). This applies to Bear (adopted the day before his 15th birthday), but unfortunately not for Kitty since we adopted her 2 weeks before she turned 13 (I'd heard of this law, but couldn't find it and we'd delayed her adoption so long it didn't make sense to delay it for 2 more weeks - the law officially came into effect the following year).

If your child was 16 or older (unfortunately neither of mine) when adopted from foster care they are eligible for up to $5,000 in annual reimbursements or direct payments to vendors on child's behalf. This can be used for tuition, room and board, books, computer, transportation, child care, tutoring and some other expenses. Can be received up to age 23.

If your child was 16 or older when adopted and has some form of adoption assistance agreement then adoption assistance and Medicaid extends until the child is 21 (instead of stopping at 18 or 19) - as long as they are regularly attending college.



Good Ways to Pay for Your Kid's College

You need to apply annually for financial aid using the FAFSA form. This is how you document your income and assets and your child's income and assets. It's free to file.

Things have changed since my parents helped me go through college. One of the biggest things that has changed is:

It's not necessarily a good idea to put money (savings bonds, trust funds, savings accounts) in your child's name because:

• It counts against them on the FAFSA form. If you had $10K in your child's name, they might be required to pay about $2K of it towards college tuition, whereas the same amount in your name would only count for less than $600 (especially if they qualify for independent student).


• Your child has no obligations to use it for college. They could buy a car or Xbox games.


• If you need it to say, save your house, the child doesn't have to give it back.

According to the financial adviser, the best thing to invest college money in was a 529 College Saving Plan. One of the biggest advantages I saw was that you could change the beneficiary so if you had a child who decided not to go to college, or there was money left, then you could transfer it to another child.

If y'all want more info let me know.

"You're Parannoying Me"

Bear doesn't like to be in the same room as other people. Not when he's getting dinner (we tend to serve our plates from the stove) - he'd rather wait until everyone's done. And especially not when he's doing chores. It's hard to find time to talk to him because I can't be cooking while he's washing dishes or chat with him while he's working on something.

Of course he doesn't seek me out very often. He talks best when there is something else to focus on like driving in the car or going on walks. Doing chores near each other would be good too, but he apparently can't handle that.

Today he was in a bad mood. No apparent reason, just that it was morning I guess. I was making lunch and he was sweeping the floor. When he needed to sweep where I was standing I obligingly moved, but that was still a problem apparently. As he mumbled that this was why he hated doing chores when people were in the kitchen (it's hard to find a time when people aren't in the kitchen by the way as this is a 6 person house with teens and the only phone the kids can use is there too, so there's always someone in there), I asked him what the problem was, since I'd moved when he needed me to.

He said, "You're parannoying me." Apparently having someone in the room makes him feel paranoid - which I knew, but I've never heard it phrased that way.

Well off to parannoy him some more since he's doing dishes now and I need to make lunch.

Reader stats - Thanks y'all!!

I haven't looked at my stats in awhile, and when I did, it only showed me key word searches for this year (all 6 days of it), but I did notice one of my most popular posts was a post a year and a half ago with a short statement about the fact that my bras were too small because I'd gained too much weight and it had caused difficulty breathing. No pictures! I decided to delete the post - I'm sure you guys will forgive me. Will be interested to see how that effects my overall stats.

Thanks for reading guys!! I'm going to try to keep y'all posted, but between my "internet diet" and the fact that we finally decided to close our business so I need to get a "real job," I might not have as much time to post once I finally start back to work again.

Gotta start job hunting!

Bear's at it again

The cherry on the top of my no good, horrible day:

This is the e-mail I'm sending to Bear's schools today:

As you may or may not know, I got a call from the [regular] high school today saying Bear was missing. Apparently he did not agree with the ARD (IEP team meeting) team’s decision to enroll him in the Reading 180 class (he had left the ARD early to finish a test so hadn’t been part of that decision I think). Bear apparently went to complain to the counselor and then never made it back to class. [The staff searched everywhere for him]. Luckily, he did manage to make it onto the bus home.

Bear has told me that [the principal of the special school, Mr. C]. says, he “passed the TAKS [state standardized testing] ELA [English/Language Arts] test and therefore doesn’t need this class.” (I’m sure this is not an accurate quote on Bear’s part and
that he is incorrect when he also stated that Mr. C thinks he should be out of the class). FYI, Bear did NOT pass the TAKS test, although it was a close thing. We did determine that the primary issue causing him to fail was the writing, not the reading, but that wasn’t an option for a class and reading is.

I still think this is a good choice for Bear, and he could really use the extra help. By the way, he is threatening to never go to the reading class. I’m sure y’all will reinforce with Bear that skipping class is not a valid solution, and that there will be consequences for his actions today and if it happens again. I sincerely hope we can help Bear understand that this class is beneficial for him, even though he does not “need the credit.”

If you guys at [the regular high school] could pass on a message please, I really want to thank John with [the school's behavior program] for letting me know that Bear was missing, as this has been a big issue in the past and I know it’s hard for you guys. And I also want to thank Cynthia with the AP[Assistant Principal]’s office for going out and making sure that Bear got on his bus and calling me back to let me know he did. Last time he missed his bus the school had already closed for the day by the time we’d realized he was missing, and it saved me a lot of worry and driving to know where he was.

I really appreciate you guys keeping me posted! Thanks again,

Mary Themom (cell ###-####)
" Life isn't about how to
survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

There will be no consequences for this at home since this was a "school thing," but of course it doesn't make me feel all warm and trusting inside either.