Kitty got off to school OK today, and made it through her Science benchmark exam. I hadn't given her any Klon*pin (anti-anxiety med) because I was afraid it would make her too tired. After she finished her test she asked for the Klon*pin to help her deal with the anxiety about how she did. She then apparently laid her head down and slept for an hour. When she woke up, she went to the nurse because she wasn't feeling well. It was only an hour until I was supposed to pick her up anyway so I had her lay down until I got there. I took her home for lunch and a nap (I didn't know she'd slept at school, but she definitely didn't sleep well last night - bed late because of the meltdown, got up several times to eat, get water and potty).
In the afternoon she started whining for privileges (buy her a movie, take her to the store for a snack/ treat...). I told her no, and that she needed to pick up her room as it was in pretty bad shape. She had moved the entire contents of the playroom to her room and I told her she needed to put it back. Meltdown. She locked herself in the pantry (although she opened the door when I insisted). She cried, hit walls, kicked the door, and demanded I leave her alone (which I couldn't do), because... I hated her, she hated this family, I should prove I love her by giving her what she wanted. I gave her another Klon*pin (didn't see any results), and tried everything I could think of to calm her down. I finally got her calmed enough to get off the floor of the pantry and help pick up her room for a few minutes (mostly she watched me and alternately cried and yelled at me)... but then it was time for therapy. I managed to get her in the car (she locked me out of it for about a minute, but then let me in) and to therapy... where she continued to meltdown in the parking lot for 20 minutes (she wanted a treat, she wanted me to rent her a movie, I don't love her, I love the other kids more than her - because they never "misbehave"/have meltdowns like she does, I never buy anything for her...)
We finally got into the therapy session, where she calmed down and let me hold and comfort her while she talked to the therapist in a subdued, quiet voice. She said one reason she was so upset was the stress of TAKS on Thursday and being so behind in school. I told her I had just decided she will not be taking the TAKS. I can't see torturing her (and us) with the stress of a test that isn't going to be accurate anyway in the state she's in. I will keep her home on Thursday and if the school has a problem with it, then they can come up with a better alternative. She perked up a little, but as soon as therapy was over and we got back to the car she started begging for treats again, melting down again, superficially self-harming, crying and angry. We got home and she locked herself in the bathroom until she realized I was calling the MHMR crisis line. She was afraid I was calling the police or a psych hospital and started wailing louder and came out.
The Crisis line gave us 5 options
1. Call the police and have her taken to a psych hospital immediately - probably where she needs to be, but emotionally so damaging that I don't want to do this.
2. Take her to the MHMR center where they will do an immediate evaluation (but this would take quite awhile, and Hubby is teaching scuba all this week, so I'd have to have Grandma watch the other kids until we/I got back.
3. Take her to the ER for an assessment.
4. Wait until tomorrow morning to call and give MHMR center a heads up that we're coming so they'll be ready for us and possibly can arrange to have Kitty's new case manager there to meet us.
5. I don't remember 5, but we chose option 4.
I finally got Kitty calmed down. I told her I knew she wasn't "misbehaving" (her word) on purpose. I explained that I thought her meds weren't right, because her body has changed or sometimes meds just don't work the same after awhile. That we're trying to change her environment to be less stressful too. I told her that I know she is hiding her symptoms (which surprised her, she said she didn't think I knew) because she is afraid she will have to go the psych hospital, but that she HAS to tell the doctor about all her symptoms (including the racing heart, racing thoughts, anxiety and suicidal thoughts...) so that the doctor can get her on the right medications and she can get better. If she doesn't tell the doctor, then nothing will change... and things can't go on as they are or she will end up back in a psych hospital anyway. I have to keep her safe.
cell (###) ###-####
There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.
RESPONSES to Yesterday's e-mail Novel:
-----Original Message-----From: Ms. Skills Trainer
Thank you very much for your email. Kitty's case manager and I would like to discuss these issues with you tomorrow at our meeting at 10:30am. I am concerned about her possibly hiding suicidal thoughts and would of course encourage you to call the crisis hotline immediately if she voices any suicidal ideation or attempts to hurt herself again (never hurts to at least talk to an intake person at crisis and see what they have to say...). The crisis hotline number is: 1-800-###-####. I think it would be helpful for Case Manager and I to talk to Kitty alone during part of the meeting and ask her about her intentions if any.
Please give Case Manager or I a call if any further concerns arise...
Take care Mary and hang in there!
Ms. Skills Trainer
-----Original Message-----From: Ms. EMDR therapist
I am thinking that you need to consider long term residential treatment for Kitty; and that what you are now doing (which is the most you can do) is not working. I think she needs to be told that it is clear that home is not the most helpful place for her, The only other options would be to place her in in long term treatement. Mary, you all have done all you can. This is so much more than any of what has been figured out. I feel she needs to understand that without her being able to function in the home or school; more is needed than you can provide. It doesn't help her to continue like this; when you have done all you can do. Think about it. If you feel you want to consider this; then we can talk about it before Friday. Always, Ms. EMDR
Ms. EMDR therapist, M.S.; LPC-LCDC
Trauma and Addictions Specialist