This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, April 1, 2011

My Poor Babies

Kitty age 10 and Bear age 11 Now that Kitty is home she is super clingy and is having stomach aches and head aches. This doesn't surprise me. When we saw her on Tuesday for family therapy she was holding our hands, sitting close, giving lots of hugs and needing lots of reassurance. This is the same way she acted while in residential treatment 2 years ago. She really is just a little girl and this is terrifying for her. Not to mention it brings up a ton of memories and fears. She threw a chair at Biomom and Biomom called the police who came and put Kitty in foster care. Biomom terminated parental rights claiming Kitty was "out of control," and Kitty never went home again. Sunday evening, Kitty hit me. The police came and took Kitty away. Kitty got to come home again, but I can't blame her for fearing history is repeating itself. Bear is feeling the same way. (Sent to me via e-mail on Monday)

Hy mom how is kitty this is kinda getting to day im feeling alittle stresed out and for some reason Im feeling like it my falt in away because I did this so many times to her and the other grils when they were yonger, The makes me think about some of the stuff im trying to forget about and try to move on with my life. Im feeling like i want to cry but i don't any one to weary about me. LOVE YOU MOM I realy apreshat the way you have never gave up on us i think this some thing we needed That we realy never had. THANKS love you mom

Thank for putting up with all the good and bad stuff i ever through at you -- •Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction BEAR
Tonight Kitty wanted me to tuck her in and tentatively asked if she wasn't feeling safe would we send her back to the psych hospital. I assured her that was not an option (she'd told us about the drama and violence and how scary it was), and she confessed she's still having feelings about hurting herself. She assured me that she knew she wouldn't actually hurt herself, but the feeling were there. I stayed with her until she fell asleep. (Yes, we'll be addressing this quickly and I'll do everything I can to keep her safe in the meantime). My poor baby. I think we were assuming things would go back to normal pretty quickly, but she's obviously going to have a long recovery time. I guess there's a good reason why I don't have a job yet


GB's Mom said...

That poor kid! Praying

Last Mom said...

I'm glad Kitty and bear have you (and that you have them!) Thinking of your family.

Jessica Lynn said...

As someone who has struggled her whole life with self harm, I can tell you that it is doubtful your daughter will ever NOT think about it, what matters is her ability to know whether or not she can handle those thoughts. The hospital is a very chaotic and scary place. It is no place for anyone really, and if she is feeling in control of those thoughts, careful monitoring is ok. Don't feel like you are neglecting. I would put up everything dangerous and put a door alarm on her door. I am praying for you guys. I know it's beyond difficult and I admire your tenacity!

Marty Walden said...

I am so sorry about all that has been happening lately. Your kids are blessed and you will get through it. Take care of yourself so you can be there for them.