Intimidating, lying, rude little thief!
Just needed to vent a little about Bear. He's making me feel like a bad parent and I hate that!! Maybe it's because it's Christmas and everyone else, including his bio-half sister, Kitty (who has been such a mess, but a recent med change has made a GREAT difference for her), is in such a good mood that it's more obvious.
It's all getting a little easier to tolerate, probably because I'm finally getting stable on my own meds (when we can afford them - I'm bipolar), but he still makes me so mad!
Among other things, he's pouting because his younger sisters (13 and 14) got cell phones for Christmas and he didn't. He got one as one of his first Christmas presents from us when he was 13 (he had a Tracphone when we got him and we didn't know any better), but he ran up HUGE bills so we took it away. Then we let him get a Tracphone (pay as you go) and found out he was harassing biodad, calling biomom (not supposed to talk to her) and texting at 2am - so he lost that too. Over the years he has stolen these back and other phones from us several times (the first time getting caught when being searched by the police for something else).
In recent months he was found with someone else's cell phone and someone else's iPod (usually he only steals from the family, not that that makes it any better). And he wonders why we won't give him a cell phone?
He's 16 and has basically line of sight supervision because he's never where he's supposed to be when he is supposed to be there. He recently was “allowed” to attend public school full time (read as the school system "forced" us, because it's not the "least restrictive environment") instead of the special program for emotionally disturbed kids, and I know he won't be getting anywhere near the supervision he apparently needs.
On the last day of school I searched his back pack, jacket and room and found some ADHD meds he'd had a horrible allergic reaction to (he claims it was to help him with his finals because he wasn't sleeping well – it was double the dose that effected him so badly and could have killed him - but truthfully I think he planned to sell them) stolen from my bathroom where he's never allowed to go and which he'd have to have accessed through my bedroom – another place he's never allowed to go. I also found an industrial box cutter (he claims it was to protect him from another student – we live in the suburbs so this is most likely unnecessary and it only takes one comment to the behavior specialists assigned to him to take care of the issue if it's real, but…), a stolen iPod (no comment from him), several of his night meds (hmm, wonder why he's not sleeping well?!), one of his mood stabilizers, a trashcan full of hair (he claimed the school ROTC officer had shaved him bald for not having his hair short enough)…
He's a big kid (5’9” 200+lbs since he was 12 years old) and uses his size and deep voice to intimidate others. His saving grace is that he doesn't hit women or younger kids (peers not included), but he is so intimidating that it's hard to believe. I'm not really intimidated by him anymore, but I hate confrontation so still have issues with him. He's being a big pouty brat and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I don't really need solutions, I just wanted a chance to vent.
Thanks,
Mary
Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(13)Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE foster care 11/06Finally finalized on Kitty(14) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!RAD, C-PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, ODD, ADHD, learning disorders, cerebral dysrhythmiaFinalized on her brother Bear(16) 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.RAD, C-PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, ADD, cerebral dysrhythmia" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
Showing posts with label theft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theft. Show all posts
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
It's raining, It's pouring
The old man isn't snoring (he suffers from insomnia when stressed).
Monday morning we went to Bear's special school to drop off his behavior cards (the ones we discovered were missing from his school folder when he tried to forge my signature). Bear is only at the special school on alternate days and he wasn't there that day. We got a chance to talk to the administrator and the teacher who was supposed to be responsible for Bear's cards.
We discussed Bear's increasing issues at home, and the few at school (mostly excessive tardies). Our theory is that Bear is reacting to the increase in freedom now that he is almost full time in the less restrictive and structured environment of his home campus.
Hubby and I mentioned that the food stealing is worsening and we now have to lock the pantry and garage. We commented on the fact that this has not really slowed Bear down. I'd left out a couple of cans of chili for us to take to work for Hubby's lunches (I know chili on a daily basis for lunch- gross right?!). They were missing, as were some other little things. We didn't really expect the administrator to do anything about it (not that he could with Bear not being there), but we just needed to vent a little.
Instead the staff offered to search Bear when he came in in the mornings (to the special school). At first we said no, I mean why bother, but when they offered repeatedly and said they were doing it with many other students, we changed our minds.
So Tuesday Bear was searched. He was found with:
1/4 of a pumpkin pie
a bag filled with at least 1 and a 1/2 dozen Squirrel cookies
about $.30 in pennies
a cell phone
The food was his "lunch" because he didn't like school lunches. Bear didn't understand why it was unacceptable to take this stuff - even though it's been explained to him Many times. He's admitted to using homemade treats to trade for other stuff (money, candy, and who knows what else- drugs?). Knowing the answer, I asked Bear what he'd had for breakfast (applesauce and a cookie). What was he planning on eating for lunch? (pie and cookies). We tried to point out that this wasn't healthy, but as usual I'm pretty sure it didn't get through. Truthfully the homemade food he had was actually pretty healthy... for desserts (especially the squirrel cookies which are full of whole grains, seeds and dried fruit) - the pumpkin pie had a whole grain crust and was sweetened with Splenda, even the applesauce was unsweetened. But considering the empty candy wrapper that fell out of his pocket, I'm pretty sure he wasn't planning on actually eating them.
He claimed he found the pennies on the ground. This was patently not true, but we couldn't prove it until we got home and checked the likely sources (It turned out he'd taken the pennies that Grandma keeps/kept on our mantle to reward the kids for little things like killing flies and refilling ice trays). I walked up to Bear tonight and told him to return the pennies to the mantle (no asking anymore, we know better). He denied it and claimed the pennies were at school. I just kept walking.
The cell phone had a more convoluted story. Bear really is a smart kid. He knows exactly what kind of story is most likely to keep him out of trouble. He claimed that a kid he knew only as Michael had asked to borrow Bear's jacket because he had classes out in the portables and was cold. Bear, being from Nebraska, is never cold so he loaned the boy his jacket. The boy handed back the jacket just as Bear was leaving to get in Grandma's car to go home, so Bear didn't realize the boy had left his phone in Bear's coat pocket until it was "too late."
Bear doesn't know Michael's last name. Has no classes with him. Only sees him sometimes in the halls at lunch near the ROTC room (where Bear eats most of the time). When I asked why the kid was returning the jacket an hour and a half after school got out if he wasn't in the ROTC PT training that Bear was, I was told it was because the boy had a sister in JV basketball and they were practicing in the gym and the boy was watching. Bear of course didn't know the girl's name. His description of the boy was generic too.
The administrator told Bear that if the boy wanted his cell phone back he would have to call the administrator who would need proof that it was the boy's phone - like the charger (the phone was already dead). As far as I know, no one has contacted the administrator, but we all know that if someone does they will have had plenty of time to be "briefed."
So it stinks that Bear will get off with yet another warning. We didn't even think to take the food with us from the meeting so Bear got it all back.
Bear has only served about 6 hours of his 30 hours of community service. Partly because of the holidays, partly because of the bad weather we've been having. Partly because he's very good at not being available.
I'm so fed up with Bear and burned out. Usually the kids take turns, but Kitty is having meltdowns too. It's a good thing they have a visit with the psychiatrist because with all the lovely traumaversaries around this time added in, they probably need some med changes. *sigh* Wish I thought meds could solve all problems. Calgon... take me away!
The stolen cell phone - what happened next
Monday morning we went to Bear's special school to drop off his behavior cards (the ones we discovered were missing from his school folder when he tried to forge my signature). Bear is only at the special school on alternate days and he wasn't there that day. We got a chance to talk to the administrator and the teacher who was supposed to be responsible for Bear's cards.
We discussed Bear's increasing issues at home, and the few at school (mostly excessive tardies). Our theory is that Bear is reacting to the increase in freedom now that he is almost full time in the less restrictive and structured environment of his home campus.
Hubby and I mentioned that the food stealing is worsening and we now have to lock the pantry and garage. We commented on the fact that this has not really slowed Bear down. I'd left out a couple of cans of chili for us to take to work for Hubby's lunches (I know chili on a daily basis for lunch- gross right?!). They were missing, as were some other little things. We didn't really expect the administrator to do anything about it (not that he could with Bear not being there), but we just needed to vent a little.
Instead the staff offered to search Bear when he came in in the mornings (to the special school). At first we said no, I mean why bother, but when they offered repeatedly and said they were doing it with many other students, we changed our minds.
So Tuesday Bear was searched. He was found with:
1/4 of a pumpkin pie
a bag filled with at least 1 and a 1/2 dozen Squirrel cookies
about $.30 in pennies
a cell phone
The food was his "lunch" because he didn't like school lunches. Bear didn't understand why it was unacceptable to take this stuff - even though it's been explained to him Many times. He's admitted to using homemade treats to trade for other stuff (money, candy, and who knows what else- drugs?). Knowing the answer, I asked Bear what he'd had for breakfast (applesauce and a cookie). What was he planning on eating for lunch? (pie and cookies). We tried to point out that this wasn't healthy, but as usual I'm pretty sure it didn't get through. Truthfully the homemade food he had was actually pretty healthy... for desserts (especially the squirrel cookies which are full of whole grains, seeds and dried fruit) - the pumpkin pie had a whole grain crust and was sweetened with Splenda, even the applesauce was unsweetened. But considering the empty candy wrapper that fell out of his pocket, I'm pretty sure he wasn't planning on actually eating them.
He claimed he found the pennies on the ground. This was patently not true, but we couldn't prove it until we got home and checked the likely sources (It turned out he'd taken the pennies that Grandma keeps/kept on our mantle to reward the kids for little things like killing flies and refilling ice trays). I walked up to Bear tonight and told him to return the pennies to the mantle (no asking anymore, we know better). He denied it and claimed the pennies were at school. I just kept walking.
The cell phone had a more convoluted story. Bear really is a smart kid. He knows exactly what kind of story is most likely to keep him out of trouble. He claimed that a kid he knew only as Michael had asked to borrow Bear's jacket because he had classes out in the portables and was cold. Bear, being from Nebraska, is never cold so he loaned the boy his jacket. The boy handed back the jacket just as Bear was leaving to get in Grandma's car to go home, so Bear didn't realize the boy had left his phone in Bear's coat pocket until it was "too late."
Bear doesn't know Michael's last name. Has no classes with him. Only sees him sometimes in the halls at lunch near the ROTC room (where Bear eats most of the time). When I asked why the kid was returning the jacket an hour and a half after school got out if he wasn't in the ROTC PT training that Bear was, I was told it was because the boy had a sister in JV basketball and they were practicing in the gym and the boy was watching. Bear of course didn't know the girl's name. His description of the boy was generic too.
The administrator told Bear that if the boy wanted his cell phone back he would have to call the administrator who would need proof that it was the boy's phone - like the charger (the phone was already dead). As far as I know, no one has contacted the administrator, but we all know that if someone does they will have had plenty of time to be "briefed."
So it stinks that Bear will get off with yet another warning. We didn't even think to take the food with us from the meeting so Bear got it all back.
Bear has only served about 6 hours of his 30 hours of community service. Partly because of the holidays, partly because of the bad weather we've been having. Partly because he's very good at not being available.
I'm so fed up with Bear and burned out. Usually the kids take turns, but Kitty is having meltdowns too. It's a good thing they have a visit with the psychiatrist because with all the lovely traumaversaries around this time added in, they probably need some med changes. *sigh* Wish I thought meds could solve all problems. Calgon... take me away!
The stolen cell phone - what happened next
Monday, September 22, 2008
Amnesty Day
Yesterday I taught my children a new word. Amnesty.
It started with a trip to Wally World with Bear after checking on his removed tattoos (he had them removed on his birthday the day after his adoption day - 7 weeks later they look OK, kind of like a healing burn).
Soon after we entered the store, Bear had to go to the bathroom. So I let him go and stayed in the same general area of the store so he could find me again when he was done. Bear has bathroom issues and can take up to 30 minutes. We have him on stool softeners because many of his meds make him constipated (Sorry about the TMI). When he came back he wanted to go to the electronics department. I wanted to go to the jewelry department right next to it so I let him go on his own. When I came looking for him he was talking to a worker at the cell phone booth. She was telling him all about how the plan allowed parents to adjust how long you could make calls or text. I told him he was not getting a phone, he didn't need one, and it was time to move on. (Soon after we got him we'd given him a cell phone as a present - not knowing any better. He ran up a $450 bill twice in as many months so we took his phone away and I started using it when mine got lost. In June when he was kicked out of Summer school, we also found he had stolen "his" phone back from me.)
A little while later we're in the back of the store and he has to go to the bathroom again. I asked and he said he was having "issues." I said there's a restroom on the back wall, but he said the front restroom was closer and took off (we were 2 aisles away from the back restroom). I waited and waited and he didn't show up. After 20 minutes or so I got suspicious and started to head toward the front of the store. Sure enough, he's walking away from the electronics area, holding his wallet and a brochure. When I confront him, he says he saw his wallet on the ground on his way back from the restroom. Needless to say I don't believe him, but there's not much I can do about it.
A little while later I notice him pulling a small bottle of cologne out of his pocket. I confront him and he says he didn't realize it was in his pocket until just then. I have bought him this type of cologne before so it's possible it is his. I warn him that having things in his pockets like that is asking to be accused of shoplifting. He hits the restroom one more time before we go. I wait near the door and he really is in there for 10 minutes.
Things often go missing around Bear. He "borrows" things and they don't come back, or come back broken (actually Kitty too). Batteries disappear, headphones and sunglasses are his biggest victims - at any one time we have 6 or 7 broken headphones, and 3 or 4 pairs of broken sunglasses in the house. The Granparents were upset because after the kids visited about 3 weeks ago the batteries for the remote control disappeared (all the kids always need batteries for their MP3 players). Last weekend, Poppy loaned Bear a very expensive set of headphones, with the understanding that they wouldn't leave the house. An upset Poppy called us and asked where they were. Bear said he left them on top of the TV. Poppy searched on and around every TV in the house. No headphones. When Bear came to spend the night this weekend, Poppy asked again about the head phones. Bear messed around in his back pack, walked up to one of the TVs, dug around the side of it and came up with the headphones. Poppy knows he looked there.
So I decided that things needed to change. I was tired of the kids walking around with things that didn't belong to them, wearing inappropriate clothing (too tight, too short, sleeveless - many of my kids need to stay out of the sun because their meds make them photosensitive). So I declared an amnesty day.
The children were to take everything out of Grandma's house, and put it in the family room at our house. Then they had to search our house looking for contraband. They needed to bring
1. All money - so I knew who had any and how much.
2. All candy - several of the kids have issues.
3. All food and dishes in the wrong parts of the house.
4. All batteries.
5. All electronics, broken or not. All headphones too.
6. All clothes and shoes that no longer fit or were considered inappropriate.
7. All movies upstairs or in rooms other than the family room.
8. All CDs
The kids were told that they would not get in trouble for anything brought to the Amnesty meeting. I then sorted through the stuff, throwing away the broken stuff. Sorted the clothes, tossing the overly stained and putting in Goodwill piles everything else. Labeled any electronics and CDs as to who they belonged to. We talked a little bit about what was appropriate to wear outside of your bedroom and I reminded them that they had robes and were expected to wear them! I'm tired of seeing bellies and bra straps.
Without an explanation I asked Bear to bring me his backpacks. I emptied them and gave him a see through mesh bag. He complained that it was not big enough. Today I found a clear plastic backpack that I will give him. I also need to remind everyone that there will be no more borrowing.
I will probably do room searches tonight. It is time to tighten up the reins a little. I've been letting things slide and that's not good for the kids. It's not FAIR that one child can break and steal everyone else's things and not be held accountable. Hubby hates being the warden, but I think this is what the children need right now. It's like childproofing your house. We're doing it to keep them safe. That and I'm tired of constantly being the clothing police. They can't wear it if they don't own it!
Mary
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)