This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

God's Plan

I do not think that if we don’t have perfect lives then it means God doesn’t love us or care about us. In addition to free will I know that God allowed me and my children to experience a lot of the “tough” stuff so that I would more appreciate the amazing life he’s lead me to. How can you be truly happy if you’ve never been sad?

Plus, for my kids, if I’d had a “perfect” life I would not be a good parent for them. I am a better person and a better parent for what I’ve been through. I just finished the book, “A child called ‘It.’” The boy who survived that horrible abuse has helped and positively influence how many people and children’s lives in his lifetime?

I used to feel very guilty for “subjecting” my biokids to the trauma that is living with my adopted two children. Then I realized that while I must protect them as much as possible from being abused by each other, it is not all bad. My biokids are becoming stronger, better people. I KNOW I’m a stronger, better parent because of this journey. I was not able to stuff my issues in a box any more, and some of the things I thought I had dealt with that color my world I have to drag out into the open and deal with consciously. My adopted children are survivors and I feel blessed to be a step on their journey. They have helped me as much as I have helped them.

I do not think we are puppets of God’s big “plan,” but I do see us as beautiful threads interwoven into the tapestry of life - affecting other threads, changing the world around us, twisted by God and circumstances to be where we are. I don’t think that tapestry is rigid either, my part of the design is definitely colored by my free will. I do think if I listen to God, my life won’t necessarily be less full of strife and trauma, but my part in the tapestry will be beautiful nonetheless. I know he led my children to me, and helped me to be a better parent for them. I hope I get to see some of their design.


Lynn said...

I too struggle with "subjecting" my three kids to the trauma of our fostering situation!! (Especially since our middle child is adopted and this has triggered so many of his own attachment issues.) But, like you, I know that my family is becoming stronger and better. I have no idea where this is going to take us. I'm not sure if we're going to adopt again or just foster for awhile. But we are part of a beautiful tapestry aren't we? I love the way you described this journey we are all on.

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

Please don't stop at "A Child Called It." ("The Lost Boy" and "A Man Named Dave" are the other two.)This entire trilogy is amazingly powerful. It does make it difficult to understand why some people are the way they are, while undeserving recipients get the repercussions. Dave's story is indeed incredible.

Anonymous said...

So you, the seamstress, think we are threads in God's tapestry, while I, the overeater, think we are like eggbeaters in God's mixing bowl...