This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Spring Break H*ll

Monday was horrible because of the cleaning issues. Kitty melted down the whole day. Ponito got mouthy and/or hid. Bob was actually pretty helpful (and was rewarded with books). Bear disappeared for most of the time.

Tuesday is historically a light cleaning day because Kitty has therapy in the evenings so doesn't have time for chores (and I'm with her so couldn't supervise). This week Poppy took the boys so they could garden at the grandparent's house and to the duck pond to feed the ducks (Ponito went fishing, but Bear is old enough to need a fishing license. He tried to get Ponito to pay for it, but Hubby and I nixed that idea. We don't like the kids to loan each other money and Bear has no way to pay Ponito back. He'd offered to do Ponito's chores, but a lot of Ponito's chores are in areas Bear is not allowed in (like the Master bath) and Bear has enough chores of his own to not do.

This Tuesday Kitty had a psychiatrist appointment in the morning and afterward I talked to financial services lady about getting SSI for Bear when he becomes an "adult." Long meeting and we're meeting again next week. Afterward I took Kitty and Bob bra shopping (they've grown - Bob - and shrunk - Kitty! and now wear the same size *yea?!* which is not a standard size carried in most stores. *boo!* So after hours of shopping we came home empty handed. *phbbt!*).

Wednesday was Bear's turn at the p-doc, but he couldn't get out of bed in time so we had to reschedule. We were supposed to meet with his casemanager and skills trainer right after the appointment to discuss his transition to adult services (he turns 18 in July) so we had to go anyway. Then that afternoon we went back for his p-doc appointment (we were lucky to get a cancellation for the same day), and while we were there we met with his potential adult casemanager, who completely confused us (she said that since he was still in high school he would stay with the Child and Youth services for another year - which is the exact opposite of what we'd been told that morning). So back to Child and Youth department to get that officially confirmed or denied... Well they've got 4 months to figure it out I guess.

Today/ Thursday is a "heavy chores" day (normally we do volunteer work with the horse therapy place on Wednesdays so it's a light day).

By the way today has SUCKED almost as much as Monday (worse in some ways).

  1. Kitty had bathroom chores – but she actually didn’t melt down “as much” as Monday, even though no one helped her. Even after I made her scrub the mold in the shower with a toothbrush, and sent her back a dozen times to actually clean the toilet and surrounding area. In our house we all share the master bathroom because the kids' bathroom stinks (Bear is the only one who uses it and he can be pretty disgusting for a kid who spends hours in the bathtub). I did try "prescribing" - telling her to have her tantrum first, get it out of the way, before I started critiquing her chores. She started to have a fit a little later and I stepped back and said, "Oh, ok, you're going to have your fit now? Go ahead." She didn't do it. I acted disappointed. She doesn't have ODD so it always surprises me when this works. I've got to remember to try it more often.

  2. Bob’s definition of clean and mine are dramatically different (I know this shocks you! Brace yourself it gets worse), and she whined, sneaked and just plain ignored me a lot of the day, but she did get most of her chores done right and she didn’t get nasty about it (we actually had some laughs - she was dusting an artificial tree with big leaves and doing a pretty poor job of it. I kept finding leaves that hadn't been dusted - every single time she said she was done, so I'd try to write "Hi" on the leaf before she could swipe it with the duster).

  3. Bear. *sigh* His chore was his room. Which was pretty clean. Except I made the mistake of asking him what the whitish spots all over his rug, floor mat and walls were. He admitted it was spit, and claimed he couldn't get it off. I gave him some cleaner and a brush, but he chose to do something to his rug outside with the hose (I try not to think about the carpet). I told him I also wanted him to scrub the black spots off the stairs (vacuum stairs and upstairs hall were one of his chores today) and he had a minor meltdown (I’m “perfect” and I want him to be “perfect” like me, and it’s not his job, and he’s NOT going to do it…). I told him the same thing I tell Kitty, “if it’s not your job, whose is it?” and “It’s your choice not to do your chore” – no threat, just left it open ended). He did the chore... after a lot of yelling, intimidating, pouting and insults. In a minute I have to get up and inspect it. *yuck*

  4. Ponito. *deeper sigh* Where do I start? Well the highlight of my day was when he squirted me in the face with cleaning solution (he thought the nozzle was closed, but it was still done in anger), and then hid and refused to answer me when I repeatedly called him (I didn’t find him for almost an hour, but admittedly I didn’t look for the first 15 minutes after I washed my face. He was glad I wasn't hurt and he did sincerely apologize).

Yea, I’m REALLY popular right now, but on the bright side, I got all the green eggs with asparagus and spinach/ cheddar biscuits to myself!

When is "vacation" over so I can get some rest?!

1 comment:

FosterAbba said...

I hate chores. Trying to get kids to do them is a nightmare.