This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Bear runs again

Well Bear (18) moved out again. Evil parents that we are, we told him since he hasn't done his chores in weeks, he needed to surrender his iPod. He refused and immediately told us he was moving out. There was some shoving as Hubby blocked Bear from leaving his room right then so they could talk.

Hubby confronted Bear on the fact that he's running away from his issues as usual. There was a rehashing of everything we’ve been talking about in therapy. Bear decided to stay the night, but said he was moving out the next day. He took his meds and a grocery sac of clothes to school his morning, but didn't take his med box (which is good because I probably would have reported him - he can't have major anti-psychotics and stimulants at school - especially since he's tried to sell them in the past). When he's run away in the past we've already established that he can't have more than one day's worth of meds unless they're administered by a med-savvy responsible adult.

When Bear didn't get off the bus, we assumed he'd found a place to stay. He apparently was still sitting around the school at 5:30pm, but at 6pm he responded to my text asking when he was going to come by and pick up his night meds, by saying he was at the nearby Mickey D's. I questioned him about how he was going to pay for Mickey D's, especially since he owed money. I'd just gotten this e-mail in response to my query about all the school he's missed recently:

Just wanted you to know that I tried to get Bear today but somehow missed him. He then came to see me at the end of the day but I was in a meeting.

Also-can you discuss with Bear an issue where he borrowed $10.00 from a student several weeks ago? When I asked him about it he told me he had given the money to another student and had asked the student to get the money back to the student he owed the $10.00 to. I received a phone call today from the parent stating that his son has still not received the $10.00. I will talk with him on monday about it also.

I admit it was probably a little snarky on my part, but he'd been TELLing me what he was going to do all night, and Hubby was feeling sooo badly.

When he responded with this text:

And that's non of ur bis.

So I responded with this text and didn't hear from him until he showed up on the doorstep.

It is when the AP sends me an e-mail about it. And that was a really jerky thing to "say" to me. Love, Mom

He dropped by briefly to pick up his night meds. In the past he's never found anyone willing to keep him for more than a day (so has never been gone more than a day or two). Will be interesting to see how long he'll be gone.

Hubby feels so guilty, like he's failed and screwed up. He can't hear me when I reassure him that this was inevitable. That now is better than later (Kitty is out of the home so doesn't have to deal with it, and he still has school to go to so if he stops taking his meds - as threatened, then he'll be going psychotic at school, not home).

It doesn't help that Hubby's mom is in surgery for cancer this week (removing a kidney among other things), we have major financial issues and he's trying to job hunt, and Kitty is in an RTF.

We're going to visit Kitty tomorrow and Bear is supposed to join us for family therapy. We were already worried about how this was going to go (he can be verbally abusive and intimidating and was physically abusive when they were little. Plus, we've been working on this in his therapy and he's pretty much said this is how he is and if she has a problem with it then too bad).

Bear stated last night and again tonight that he still plans to go to Metro City with us to visit Kitty for therapy, but... no idea what's going to happen. We have to be there at noon and that means picking him up at 8am at the Mickey D's since he "doesn't know" the address of the boy (a druggie) where he's staying.

3 hours in a car with him (though I suspect if he shows that he'll sleep most of the way). Family therapy and family visitation with a volatile Kitty. Plus a 3 hour trip home.

The good news is that we get to visit with some cousins who live in Metro City and Bob is finally over Strep and Mono and can play with the cousins.

1 comment:

GB's Mom said...

Praying for you during this tough time!