This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I'm done.

I know I've said it before, but I really am done.

It's too much. The stupid pdoc was actually encouraging Bear's plans to move to Hawaii (apparently his latest Kleenex girl has family there) after graduation, was "proud" of him for losing 18lbs in the last 3 weeks because he's overweight, and basically acted as though I was an overprotective mama and Bear was doing great.

I told Bear when he came by tonight I was giving him a week's worth of meds at a time from now on. When he talked about Senior pictures and graduation invitations I was noncommital, and just asked him to give the photographer (our cousin) my love. I'll tell him when to go to the orthopedist for his hand (which he really did fracture), but I'll try to make it so I don't have to go.

I'm done. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I've got too much on my plate, and he could care less. He expects no better anyway. I hate that Hubby doesn't agree, and I feel guilty about continuing to take adoption subsidy money for the next few months (until he turns 19 in July), but we can't afford to not have it.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to stop crying, and focus on getting services in place for his sister before she gets home in a few weeks. NOTHING has changed with her. They're sending her home because the program is moving too fast for her, not because she's healed in anyway.


GB's Mom said...


Lisa said...

Don't feel guilty about any of this. Did you feel undermined when the p-doc was praising Bear for all of his recent "accomplishments" and plans? I sure do when this happens with my son. With all of the behavior problems and illogical thinking processes going on with my son, his p-doc reminded him to make sure to drink some milk every day to keep his calcium levels up since when he asked him what he ate for breakfast that day, he didn't mention milk - wth??? He also told him he was very pleased he chose to do part of chore one day - which was a complete lie of course. If our kids think it's this easy to please an adult (and bs them to boot) then we truly have nothing to offer them. I got to the "I'm done" point when an mental health adult services case manager gave my daughter a list of virtually all of the stuff she could provide her (apartment, furniture, utilities paid, cell phone, taxi and/or bus service, Medicaid, food stamps, and on and on) for FREE, including no commitment to continue meds or therapy and my daughter was over the moon with happiness. I couldn't, nor wouldn't, GIVE her those things with no effort on her part and I wasn't going to try anymore. It ruined our relationship (what was left of it) completely and I was done trying to teach her anything about responsibility or earning things. Now, she didn't end up getting all these things (she ruined it for herself), but she got enough that it just reinforced her illogical thinking that Mom and Dad are idiots to hold her accountable and make her earn stuff when you can get it absolutely free from a stranger. All this does is prolong and encourage their sense of entitlement.

The doctor had the opportunity to tell Bear how losing weight so quickly might be unhealthy or maybe ask him a little more in depth about his plans re: Hawaii (how ya gonna get there for one), but he took the easy way out.

Personally, I think I'd order an 8x10 of Bear for the family and anything more than that will be for him to purchase. Same with announcements - if he wants them, he can buy them. I'm kind of cranky like that though. I find it hard to go thru the motions of what a normal family would do for graduation when there is absolutely nothing normal going on in any other realm - and that's thanks to the kid.

marythemom said...

Thanks Lisa! I know you and GB's mom have been there done that and it really helps to know I'm not alone!