This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Essays written by Kitty for promotion to next level at RTF

Kitty read these essays in therapy last week. She spoke eloquently and I had to fight tears.


{I had a very tough time deciphering this one}

Why me?

Why do I have to Be alive?
Why do I have to deal with stuff my friends what understand? I geuss it Because I have to be stronger then most. Will anyone ever understand what is going on inside or will they make it seem that it is unNatrule? Will I ever Be cared about or is it all alxe? When I was younger my life seeme so prefict. I never had rules. I always got what I wanted. So I thought. I thought I ment the world to mofvz {my family?} I thought wrong my whole life seems to Be a lie from age 0 to age 9. No one careed about what happened to me or what I did. I Know Better Now. I Know what right from wrong is. I Know what love is. I even Know what I need. This might seem Cheesy, But it’s true. Sometime though I know what happened was not my folt I still ask Why me?


{She mentioned she had help with this. OBVIOUSLY rewritten using her best handwriting}

You know some days I feel like a nobody. I know that People say you should Believe in yourself but its eaiser said then done. I think life is precious in all, but What’s the point? I feel like death is sometimes better. I feel that iF I die no one will care. Heck, they may even be better off without me. I Know my Biological mom would not even think about coming to my funeral. Sure people think otherwise, but I know almost for a fact she would not. Sometimes I want to cry about what I did to hurt her so much so that she does not care even the slightest about me. But sometimes I wonder if the hurt that I cause was more physical or emotional. I also wonder if she ever cared For me. It hurts that your own mother, someone who gave birth to you, would give you up For a reason. Such as she can’t handle you. I think there are alot of reasons to over come that. But it does not matter anymore what’s done is done. It does not matter what she think if she loves me or does not. It does not matter what anyone thinks if anyone loves me or does not. I’ll always think the same thing and that is what is the point?

Peer Talk 1/24/12

How have your Tramas effected you life now?
{This question was not written in her handwriting. Scarily enough I think it might have been written by staff.}

My Tramas effect my Life now by making me feel like I’m wrouth nothing, because when I was little my mom gave up on me and she basicly through me out on the street. I thought it was my fiote {fault} at frist and and Now I know Better. But it still Efrat {effects} me some day because I forget and I Don’t want to Belive that it was not my folt.

Treatment Team Letter 1/26/12

Well my week went OK
I went to school and I did my work. I pretiapated in group. I’m trying to work on me and me alone. I even got some reading Done this weeken. My goal for Next week is to improve my urgese and try not to over realled. {overreact?} Try to stay logical about what is going on. Also try to stay culm {calm} in family therapy because my Brother is coming. I desive {deserve} my level because I want to work harder at therapy and at school. This week I went all out to stay colm. When people provoked me. I also tried to earn more points by cleaning more then I wanted to. So that is why I think I need this level this week. I hope you feel the same way I Do. Thank you


Becky said...

Her pain is almost palpable. Good at identifying and expressing it.

Heart wrenching. If only a hug could make it all better for our children.

GB's Mom said...

Life is so hard for our kids! {{{Hugs}}}

Last Mom said...

My daughter could have written those. They are her feelings, too. Heart breaking.