This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Happy Birthday Bear!

Yesterday was Bear's adoption day.  Today is his birthday.  He's changed phones so many times that I have no way to contact him.  He texted Hubby a couple of days ago asking for money and advice on how to get a tetanus shot when he only has Texas Medicaid (he's in Oklahoma), so Hubby might have a recent number, but I assume if he wants to talk to me he will.  I told Hubby to text him and wish him happy birthday from both of us.

I bought him a birthday card, but it's still sitting next to me unsigned and unaddressed.  I need to put a check in it (not for the amount he wants) and send it.  I'm just having trouble doing so.  I read every single card in the store trying to find one that was appropriate (most talked about early childhood, partying or getting old) and that expressed what I feel.  Of course I know he probably won't read anything but the check.

The one I chose has cartoon dogs.

To Our Son

We've lectured and talked and given advice

We've worried and watched, and tried to be nice...

(inside flap)

We've listened and cared and we've understood

We gave you our love the best that we could

So what did we get for all that we've done?


A truly remarkable, wonderful son!

Happy Birthday


Bear told Hubby he wants money to repair some damage he's done to the car he's borrowed and to buy a new 4x4 truck.  Ummm... no.  Even if we had $4K it wouldn't be happening.  I'm still not convinced he even has a valid driver's license.  Knowing he's driving while off his meds... terrifying.

We haven't heard about Bear coming home for a visit since he failed to show a few weeks ago.  I'm assuming he can't afford it.

Recently we heard from one of the families he lived with before he graduated high school.  They've discovered over a thousand dollars in electronics and stuff missing.  When he first called us from Oklahoma, caller id showed us the phone he used had the name of a relative of his latest girlfriend.  He denied it wasn't his though and then claimed it broke, and he was upgrading to a new one.  Since then he's called and texted us from at least 3 or 4 different numbers.

He still claims he's joining the Navy, and I do think it would be good for him, but even if he gets in they'll find out he lied on his application and he'll be discharged.  Still "3 squares and a cot" for awhile anyway.  Not totally sure where he's living or who he's living with.  He was with biograndfather last I heard.  Biomom lived nearby, although I've heard rumors she might be moving in with biograndfather as well.


I'm looking forward to continuing our relationship with Bear now that we are no longer "being paid" to care for him.  Maybe after a few years he'll start to believe we actually care about him.  That's assuming he bothers to continue the relationship once there's nothing he values in it for him.


I sent Biomom Bear's graduation pictures, but I haven't heard back from her.  Don't know if she's mad at me, or didn't get them.

  {Biomom, if you're reading this, will you  please contact me and let me know if you received the pictures or if I should send them somewhere else?}

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