Kid's rooms

I used to be really into interior decorating. I loved it so much that I would decorate my friend's houses for free! I even had my own website. Now of course I really don't have the time or energy.

I recently found a blog, Kelly's Korner, that has been posting something called Show Us Where You Live Fridays. This week's theme is Kid's bedrooms and nurseries. My kid's rooms are currently so messy that I wouldn't dream of taking pictures, but I would love to show off some of their rooms from the past.

This is Ponito's room. My mom and I decorated the wall's with murals. His room had a safari theme. I'd found the cutest crib set, and then added to it. I quilted the crib blanket shown here, and used the fabric from the crib sheet to make a diaper bag.

As my little one got older, his love of vehicles grew, but I wasn't ready to give up the cute theme. So I adapted his big boy bed to look like a safari jeep. He loved it. The animals on the curtains are made with family member's hand and foot prints.

(Sorry it's sideways, but this computer doesn't have a photoshop program). This is the cover I created for a metal loft bed. He liked to play underneath, and when he got older he could put all his stuffed animals on the loft.

Bob as a little girl was into the Princess theme, of course. We attached wooden boards to the outside of her wooden loft bed (so it didn't damage the bed - which I sold last weekend, yea!). The tower held the ladder to the loft bed. The piece of wood covering the loft was attached with a hinge so we could drop it down to make the bed. The tower was also on a hinge so we could open it up when we needed to drop the front (and get in easier if we needed to reach Bob in the bed). We glued bugs, butterflies and lizards to everything. Under the bed were murals of windows that looked out onto gardens, castles, unicorns and waterfalls. Bob liked Pocahantas too! As she grew she decided she wanted a more grown up theme. We changed to the Four Elements. Her stripey bed quilt took me forever to make. The curtains were easier. Could have sworn I had a picture of her dolphin mural. Will have to post the more recent pictures later.

Real reality TV

Yes, I know I watch way too much reality TV. Don't judge me!

Have you seen the show World's Strictest Parents? It comes on CMT (country music television). I don't like country music (and no one in the family is allowed to listen to anything but Christian music), but for some reason CMT plays great shows like Nanny 911, Extreme Home Makeover and of course World's Strictest Parents.

I let my kids watch these shows on CMT because the commercials aren't as inappropriate as ABC Family (which I think is ironic). ABC Family advertises for a lot of shows like Degrassi which appears to be almost soft porn, and American Teenager which is about a very young high school student who gets pregnant. There's worse stuff on cable and if people want to watch that, or let their kids watch that, that's their choice, but this channel advertises itself as a Family channel. My kids get so upset because the channel often plays good family friendly movies, but they aren't allowed to watch them because I won't let them watch the commercials.

So I've been avidly watching this new show, World's Strictest Parents, hoping for tips and ideas for handling teens and good parenting. The premise is that they place two rebellious teens (drugs, alcohol, illegal and destructive behavior, sex, cussing and major disrespect) with conservative families that are strict with their biological children. The kids stay in the home for a week and are expected to abide by the new family's rules. Most of the family's search the kids, remove cigarettes and alcohol, force the kids to remove piercings, and not allow inappropriate clothing.

Consequences for the teens' misbehaviors vary, but the ones on farms usually involve manure in some way. The kids always end up sneaking away to smoke or drink and get caught early on - frequently ratted out by the host family's children who are horrified by the disrespect. It seems like the kid's always have a change for the better at the end of the week, but it seems to be based more on the new parent's consistency, willingness to seek out and sympathetically listen to the kids, and spend time with the kids than any major change that we could insitute here. Not that those are't good things, but we already do that.

Even though there is a lot of cussing (bleeped out) and attitude, I've been letting my kids watch the show (mostly Bob since she's only one who can sit still for more than two minutes), foolishly hoping that the kids will get the idea that our rules aren't that strict and it could be worse.

Now that I've seen a few shows though, I find myself not as interested. They really don't show any discipline techniques and the teens aren't RAD, emotionally disturbed, mentally ill, abused kids who have been in the foster care system for years.

Considering that none of these families appear to get any training at all and the kids seem to be total messes at the beginning, I'm always surprised that the kids always seem to have this huge change of heart by the time their parents arrive.

Now I find myself wishing they would combine this show with Nanny 911. I like Nanny, but it's almost always younger kids. I like World's Strictest, but only the teens change (then they go right back home to the family and friends that "allowed" them to become like this). It wouldn't even matter to me that a new show would probably have to be generalized to teens living with birth families versus the more challenging special needs kids and kids from foster care.

I like watching Wife Swap too. Which takes two extremely different families and switches the moms. The new mom has to spend one week doing things exactly the way the original mom did, then she gets to make her own rules and her new family has to follow them. Homeschooled kids going to public school and playing video games, slacker kids and husbands getting jobs and doing chores, military families holding peace rallys and all their kids being forced to get rid of all their violent toys, socialites living in the projects and cleaning toilets, blue collar moms getting spa treatments while nannies and au pairs raise the kids. I figure my kids probably already feel like their lives are like Wife Swap though, but for them Rule Change Day never comes.

So my dream show would be some variation of all of these. First your kids are sent away for a week or so to somewhere that really knows how to work with special needs teens to give them an "attitude adjustment" ala World's Strictest Parents. During that week, the parents are sent to observe and participate in a family that are therapeutic parents ala Wife Swap. Then it's followed up with a specialist coming to your house to give you hands on training in learning how to handle the kids and their specific needs (think Katherine Leslie or Nancy) ala Nanny 911.

Here are some show name possibilities:

Therapeutic Family Swap

Reality Parenting 911

Extreme Family Makeover

Tame Our Teen

World's Most RADical Parenting

What do you think? Should I approach the networks?

Summer plans?

I'm not considering RTC because we're not sure what to do with Kitty for the Summer, but I have to admit, our Summer options don't look good. What do you do with a 6 year old child in a teenager body who is emotionally fragile and has been in and out of psychiatric treatment all year?

So what are our Summer options?

1. Summer school sounds like it may not be an option for Kitty since they apparently don't offer special ed services in the Summer, but I'm still researching this (which she knows and is furious with me about).
2. All day every day with Grandma and Ponito. Seriously bad option as evidenced by today's meltdown.
3. Go to work with Hubby, Bob and I. Nothing to do but sit around all day watching TV because she refuses to do any school work. BTDT! No thanks.
4. Stay home all day with me while Grandma takes Ponito, Dad takes Bob to work, and Bear goes to Summer school. In the afternoons we can join Grandma and go to the pool or other activities.
5. Residential treatment
6. __________________________ (please fill in the blank with your suggestions! Remember we are flat broke, but have good insurance and our deductible is paid for the year.)

Residential Treatment?

At this point we are strongly considering the residential treatment center (RTC) that Bear did so well at, for Kitty. There are some major differences between the two kids that might effect the outcome though. Kitty is sick so Hubby and I went to therapy without her. We had a good talk, but I'm still torn.








We broke down the advantages of the RTC based on our experience there with Bear.

• This RTC is well-known for it's neuro-psychological assessments - which our insurance won't pay for outside the RTC. However the AT did mention that while our personal insurance won't pay for it, Medicaid will - if we can find an excellent neuropsychologist who takes TX Medicaid.



• Unlike other programs, this one is fully paid for by Nebraska if our insurance or state won't pay for it. For as long as we need it (Bear was there 6 months). Our insurance would most likely pay for a MAX of 6 weeks. TX Medicaid doesn't pay for RTC.



• Bear's meds were adjusted until he finally received what apparently was the right cocktail. However her current psychiatrist actually consults on a regular basis with the RTC, so he could easily do what they would - if he had the neurological assessments.



• When they "muck with" her meds she won't be home to take it out on the family.



• The whole family will get a break from her increasingly frequent verbal abuse and meltdowns, and it might "break the habit" for her.


• After the trouble with the PDH (unsafe environment that triggered her PTSD, fight, flight or freeze reaction), I'm feeling guilty about sending her away to another facility - even though I know hindsight is 20/20. I worry if the RTC environment is similar she will think I don't care enough to keep her safe. (I hear so often that she thinks I don't care about her, I guess I'm starting to believe it). However this is NOT the facility that asked if we were "OK" with our son getting beat up.


• Poor Kitty already has major abandonment issues, and obviously feels that if we send her to an RTC we are sending her away forever (like when Biomom sent her to foster care and then terminated parental rights). The AT reassured me that she doesn't think Kitty will hold it against me.


• My biggest concern is that sending Kitty to an RTC would damage the "anxiously attached" relationship we have. This facility appears to have no experience with RAD or other attachment issues. Therapy there seems to be pretty much a joke. However, now we know that we can complain, and if we really hate the therapist or have concerns, we can complain to her supervisor (didnt figure this out with Bear until the last week).



• This RTC is semi-nearby so frequent visits are fairly easy.

During her meltdown at the grocery store this evening I realized that Kitty's issues with jealousy over Ponito and need for his childhood to be as miserable as hers, are not going to be easy to ignore. She hates Grandma for loving Ponito and treating him as "special." She accuses Hubby and I of loving our biokids more than her, and giving them things, letting them go to friends' houses, not punishing them when they do something wrong.... I know this is her perception and not reality, but just like you can't make someone believe you love them, I can't convince her that she's wrong, while still protecting the other kids.

To Kill a Mockingbird

Kitty and her little brother were sitting outside after Kitty had a tough therapy session. She told her little brother to throw a rock at what she thought was a Mockingbird that has been making lots of noise outside her window daily. She said she wanted him to scare it away.

Ponito threw the rock and apparently hit the bird in the head, killing it (unfortunately not instantly). Kitty was totally distraught. She has had many of her pets killed by birthmom and her men (sometimes accidentally sometimes intentionally) and Kitty had sworn to herself she would never deliberately hurt an animal. It took about an hour to calm her down enough to take a shower and go to bed (I did give her sleeping medication).

In calming her down, I wanted to balance her accepting responsibility for the act (a big step for her) with the fact that everyone makes mistakes and it doesn't make her a bad person. I tried to help her take this as a lesson learned (one that I don't think she'll forget). We talked about how God forgives those who ask for it and are remorseful. I prayed with her (a first for us). I tried to help her actually believe that she was forgiven, but as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman,

"It's easier to believe the bad stuff."

Ponito did not seem terribly upset, but after Hubby talked to him and they removed the bird's body (no way did I want to deal with Kitty's reaction to that in the morning), he did seem a little remorseful.

That morning Kitty was agitated and loud, but did not follow through with her threat to not go to school.

To Kill a Mockingbird - foreshadowing

A couple of weeks ago a neighbor asked me if we had a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird she could borrow for her son. We didn't. Not too much later I found a copy in a thrift store and purchased it (it's a classic!). It sat on the bottom step of our staircase until a couple of days ago.

Kitty asked Grandma what it was about. Grandma's summary was: It's about some kids who decide to kill a mockingbird, but someone stops them and tells them that it was wrong because the bird never did anything to hurt anyone. There is a man in the neighborhood that no one likes, but the kids stop people from killing him because it's wrong to kill someone who never hurt anyone.

Or something like that.

I had no idea what significance this book was going to have on our lives.

*Cue ominous music*

This is a bit of foreshadowing... tune in tomorrow to hear what happens next.

Why I hate garage sales!

Let's see...

Saturday

5:30am- Finish getting dressed and walk to the end of the block to put out our garage sale sign.

6:45am - I was so tired I unthinkingly gave Kitty her lithium. Forgetting that she was supposed to have her lithium levels tested that morning. Meaning now she couldn't be tested until Monday, which means her test results won't be back on Monday (her last day at the PDH). *sigh*

7am- I finally had the garage sale I've been planning to have since I started piling anything we didn't want in our 3 car garage - completely full of crud again even though it's only been a year since our last one (at which point I had sworn to myself -never again!). Walk to the end of the block to make sure our garage sale sign hasn't blown away (it has). Jury rig it.

7:15am- one of the early birds who saw my ad (finally placed at 9pm on Craigslist the night before), complained that wasn't my garage sale supposed to start at 7am? I politely informed her that I'd had more stuff then expected, and was doing everything myself so not everything was out of the garage yet (all my sister's stuff was on the driveway, OUR stuff was still crammed inside waiting for me to drag it outside). How rude!

7:3oam - in the middle of my Little Red Hen whine about not getting any help with this stupid garage sale that I didn't want to have in the first place, after all who needs more than a trail through their garage, it's starts to drizzle. Several of the "salers" kindly point out that the forecast clearly said it was going to rain today. (Of course it ALWAYS seems to rain when I have a garage sale - but the good news is that I won't have to worry as much about sun burn or heat exhaustion. This is Texas and Summer started months ago). I ignore them as I continue to drag out all the furniture by myself. Kids come out occasionally to look through the stuff I've managed to get out and beg to be allowed to take something inside, or threaten that they better get ALL the money made from the sale of their precious items.

7:45am- I put a serious gash in my calf while moving furniture and decide that maybe the blood will get me some sympathy sales. (It didn't, all I got was a disgusting wound that grosses out everyone who sees it and will most likely scar.)

8am- I pull one of the kids away from their rousing game of "splash your sibling in the face while playing in the puddles of dirty water accumulating in the street gutter," and send them in to get Hubby to help me lift the top bunk of the wooden loft bed in place. I also have him and Bear bring out the world's heaviest sleeper sofa since I can't move it by myself.

8:30am- I give up on pulling out stuff from the garage and collapse in exhaustion on one of the now damp couches. It's just a little drizzle, and will most likely stop soon. This is Texas after all, if you don't like the weather, wait a minute and it will change.

Grandma shows up to watch the garage sale while I take Kitty to the lab appointment. That's when Hubby informs me that I gave Kitty her meds. Since Grandma has offered to watch my sister's kids while my sister goes on a date, it makes no sense for her to drive home then turn right around and come back. So I ask mom to watch the sale while I run in and get some breakfast. Another big rush of salers means that doesn't happen (I don't price my stuff so I'm the only one that can really make any sales. Means no one else can work the sale, but saves me a lot of time pricing what isn't going to sell, will be bargained over anyway, and prices might run someone off.)

9am - rain is getting worse, but much of the stuff came from my sister's garage so I couldn't have fit it all in the garage anyway. Try covering up some of it, but the rest just had to get wet. After threatening her with her life, Bob finally gets me a glass of water and a box of cereal.

Bear has decided to "help" with the sale. He assists one couple with loading some lightweight but awkward stuff. He pockets all the money from "his" items, and sells the bike he got for Christmas for $5. I fuss at him a little for it and he gets offended and leaves.

9:30am - Sister drops off her kids and everyone but me goes inside. Thank goodness for Grandma, because usually it's a warzone in there when I can't supervise my 4, let alone all 6.

10am- a lovely couple from Brazil hide in the garage from the rain and seach the rescued books, videos and toys. She carefully dries each and every book and video as she stacks them back neatly in the bins while she searches. I give her a great bargain on the stuff she chose.

10:15am- It is now pouring down rain so I start lugging in sopping wet items. Do you have any idea how heavy a soaked rug weighs? I pull in the cushions from the couches, but the couches themselves and the recliners and most of the rest of the furniture have to stay outside in the rain. I stack them in a corner of the driveway, cover them with a tarp (useless since they are already soaked) and hope that the neighborhood association doesn't fine us for leaving them there.

11:45am - Grandma takes my 4 kids and my sister's 2 to McDonalds.

12pm- a man comes to pick up a piece of furniture he purchased. He very nicely helps me move in the few furniture pieces that I can fit in the garage.

12:30pm I start throwing the soft goods in the washer to spin out the excess water and then in the dryer. These will all be donated to a local thrift store. About 6 loads and one exploded pillow later, 4 trash bags are ready to go.

1pm Collapse in exhaustion on the bathroom floor. Too sore and tired to crawl in the bath (plus not sure what to do about the gash on my leg). Finally just dry off and put on dry clothes.

Finally count out the sopping wet money (luckily managed to save the one check I accepted, from a neighbor). The sale grossed about $200. My sister only took $30 (even though it was mostly her stuff that sold). Bear pocketed about $20. I gave $10 to Ponito, who helped as much as a 10 year old can with the set up. Bob got $5 because she helped a little with bringing stuff in. Bear got $2, he helped a lot with carting over all my sister's stuff, but he also got to pocket some money from the sale. Kitty got $1, because while she spent almost the whole time inside, she did do a couple of things for me without arguing too much, and I didn't want her to think I love the other kids more than I do her (not that this will convince her of course).

So all told I made a little over $100. Not bad. I also could barely walk for 3 days because of the sore muscles, and had a driveway full of furniture that no one wanted - not even charities. Found out it would cost $500 to have it hauled to the junkyard. This is the point where I got smart. I put an ad on Craigslist offering all the furniture for free! One couple was there within 1/2 an hour, but decided against the world's heaviest sleeper sofa. The next morning the wicker loveseat was gone.

Hubby and I ran back to the house this mornign when I realized I'd left my cell phone at home and needed some aloe for the sun burn I got on my left arm from driving our unairconditioned car around yesterday afternoon (I hate being fair skinned). There were 2 tiny college students in our driveway planning on picking up all the furniture with one pickup truck. Cool environmentally responsible volunteer program put on at the University of Texas in August called UT's Trash to Treasure.

Poor Hubby, I volunteered him to help them load (they make me look buff, and the girl had been in a bike accident recently so was only able to use one hand). They'll have to come back for 2 more truckloads at least, but our driveway will be clean by tomorrow and we might actually be able to fit a car in the garage again! (Of course the garage door is broken so we can't actually get a car in there, but it's the thought that counts right?!).

So next year when I say I'm thinking about having another garage sale - someone please stop me!!!!

Edited to add: Had a couple of guys come into our business to talk us into partnering with them. While showing them around, I mentioned we had an old plotter that came with the business 2 years ago that we couldn't get rid of. Next thing I know he offered me $10 for it! SOLD!