This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Warning: Vent

Intimidating, lying, rude little thief!

Just needed to vent a little about Bear. He's making me feel like a bad parent and I hate that!! Maybe it's because it's Christmas and everyone else, including his bio-half sister, Kitty (who has been such a mess, but a recent med change has made a GREAT difference for her), is in such a good mood that it's more obvious.

It's all getting a little easier to tolerate, probably because I'm finally getting stable on my own meds (when we can afford them - I'm bipolar), but he still makes me so mad!

Among other things, he's pouting because his younger sisters (13 and 14) got cell phones for Christmas and he didn't. He got one as one of his first Christmas presents from us when he was 13 (he had a Tracphone when we got him and we didn't know any better), but he ran up HUGE bills so we took it away. Then we let him get a Tracphone (pay as you go) and found out he was harassing biodad, calling biomom (not supposed to talk to her) and texting at 2am - so he lost that too. Over the years he has stolen these back and other phones from us several times (the first time getting caught when being searched by the police for something else).

In recent months he was found with someone else's cell phone and someone else's iPod (usually he only steals from the family, not that that makes it any better). And he wonders why we won't give him a cell phone?

He's 16 and has basically line of sight supervision because he's never where he's supposed to be when he is supposed to be there. He recently was “allowed” to attend public school full time (read as the school system "forced" us, because it's not the "least restrictive environment") instead of the special program for emotionally disturbed kids, and I know he won't be getting anywhere near the supervision he apparently needs.

On the last day of school I searched his back pack, jacket and room and found some ADHD meds he'd had a horrible allergic reaction to (he claims it was to help him with his finals because he wasn't sleeping well – it was double the dose that effected him so badly and could have killed him - but truthfully I think he planned to sell them) stolen from my bathroom where he's never allowed to go and which he'd have to have accessed through my bedroom – another place he's never allowed to go. I also found an industrial box cutter (he claims it was to protect him from another student – we live in the suburbs so this is most likely unnecessary and it only takes one comment to the behavior specialists assigned to him to take care of the issue if it's real, but…), a stolen iPod (no comment from him), several of his night meds (hmm, wonder why he's not sleeping well?!), one of his mood stabilizers, a trashcan full of hair (he claimed the school ROTC officer had shaved him bald for not having his hair short enough)…

He's a big kid (5’9” 200+lbs since he was 12 years old) and uses his size and deep voice to intimidate others. His saving grace is that he doesn't hit women or younger kids (peers not included), but he is so intimidating that it's hard to believe. I'm not really intimidated by him anymore, but I hate confrontation so still have issues with him. He's being a big pouty brat and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I don't really need solutions, I just wanted a chance to vent.


Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(13)Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE foster care 11/06Finally finalized on Kitty(14) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!RAD, C-PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, ODD, ADHD, learning disorders, cerebral dysrhythmiaFinalized on her brother Bear(16) 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.RAD, C-PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, ADD, cerebral dysrhythmia" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

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