This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Car Conversations

Not to be confused with SUV therapy, 'cause we were in the van.

Bear missed the bus today. Totally not his fault because they came a little early today (yes, this is a sarcastic remark). We've only told his a hundred times that he needs to be dressed, ready to go and watching for the bus instead of coming out of the bathroom (45 minutes after he went in) and making the bus wait 5 minutes while he makes his lunch and does who knows what before he grabs his shoes and walks out of the house carrying most of his clothes. He is picked up in front of the house on the special ed bus because he can't be trusted on the regular ed one.

(Next post will most likely be about learner's permits - Bear still doesn't get why we won't let him get one).

So anyway, I got to drive him to school today. So I finished what I was doing and getting ready, and drove him to school. He was very tardy. Not my fault.

Since Bear rarely talks to me outside of therapy I decided to chat with him a little. I'd had a conversation with one of his teachers yesterday that truthfully concerned me greatly. She is seeing an increase in his fears for his own safety and general paranoia. He started talking about the people at school who are supposed to be watching out for him - spying on him, against him and after him. Obviously he's not going to be going to them for help. The teacher I spoke to has no knowledge or experience working with RAD or kids with trauma - which is probably why he's chosen her to confide in. *sigh*

I also discovered that he does know that he will not be able to join the military due to his bipolar diagnosis. Apparently Hubby mentioned it awhile back and forgot to tell me. Hubby says it came out in long conversation and he just forgot. Bear and I talked about other alternatives.

Bear said he now wanted to focus on football. Great, another reason for him to be mad at me for not allowing him to participate in sports after school.

We talked about how good he is with special needs kids and he mentioned he might want to be a caseworker for an adoption agency. I encouraged this.

We talked about the girl who's mom was going to rent an apartment for a bunch of teens. Turns out the girl's mom kicked her out when she turned 18 instead. I told Bear I think that is heinous. I said as long as a kid is following the rules and going to school I think they should be able to stay with their parents for as long as they need to, and he said that's how he felt too (he'd never do that to his kids - yes, I noticed he was back to planning on having kids). I said that you don't stop being parents just because a kid turns 18, or 28 or 38! I also pointed out that Kitty will be 19 when she graduates and I do not plan to kick her out either.

All in all it was a pretty good conversation.

Will be interesting to see if this relatively new paranoia is something the psychiatrist can help with. Bear has an appointment tomorrow evening.


Adelaide Dupont said...

I think he probably would make a good caseworker because he identifies with the kids and their situation, and would be a good role model in that sense.

I must admit that I never thought Bear would be good with any kids, much less special needs ones.

Shows you how little you know about people!

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Don't you just love car conversations? I think it is the combination of the close proximity and that you are both facing the same way (non-confrontational) that often lets the usual defenses down. Our LOOOONNNG car rides to and from Vermont (four hours) have been so helpful in connecting and bonding our family unit.

Megan said...

I just found your blog. We have a bp 13 year old daughter and have been through many meds, hospitalizations, RTC, and many schools. She is stable right now and on the best med mix yet. My blog is We also have three other girls. Megan