This blog is my place to vent and share resources with other parents of children of trauma. I try to be open and honest about my feelings in order to help others know they are not alone. Therapeutic parenting of adopted teenagers with RAD and other severe mental illnesses and issues (plus "neurotypical" teens) , is not easy, and there are time when I say what I feel... at the moment. We're all human!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Bear's therapist asked him what he valued, what he would fight for, and (after we explained it to him) Bear mentioned a couple of things like Native Americans, then said Freedom.

I learned a lot of things about Bear in this conversation. One think I learned is that Bear really is not as intelligent as he can sound in a short conversation. Both Kitty and Bear have high verbal IQs, but everything else is borderline.

Bear rambled about Native Americans and how wrong it was for "the man" to oppress them, but then he started talking about General Custer, and how he made Native Americans stronger by giving them something to fight against, so it was a "good thing."

Bear babbled about protecting women and children.

The therapist asked what he meant by freedom. Did he mean freedom to do whatever he wants?

The long and short of it was, yes, Bear meant freedom to do whatever he wants. He didn't care what anyone did as long as they didn't mess with Bear's freedom. The therapist brought up Bear mentioning protecting women and children, but Bear had changed his mind and decided that freedom (anarchy) meant others could infringe on their lives as long as it didn't bother him.

The part that bothered me the most was when Bear said if he knew someone was going to blow up a building (as long as it didn't effect Bear), even if women or children were involved, then Bear was OK with that. We talked about the Oklahoma bombing, and Bear basically said it wouldn't have been his problem.

I wasn't sure about the "diagnosis" of anti-social personality disorder except as it related to Bear's inability (or at least major difficulty) with trusting, bonding or loving others in personal relationships, but Bear made it pretty clear that he doesn't value others at all. Combined with his impulse control issues? Scares the heck out of me.


GB's Mom said...

I hear you. I've got one that scares the heck out of me.

Mom 4 Kids said...

How do you feel the therapist is working out so far? Is this the new therapist?

marythemom said...

Yes, this is the new therapist. This is only our first session and we were 15 minutes late (Hubby was teaching and had Ponito with him) and I had to get 3 of the 4 kids dropped off all over. I don't know how well this is working out yet.


Jersey Guy said...

Wow. I think there are a lot of Bears walking around out there. There are people who, for whatever reason, only care about themselves and a few friends or family members.
I wouldn't be surprised if what attracted Bear to the military was the trappings of power and authority, rather than love of country and a desire to protect the democratic way of life.
I would be very concerned about the safety of any girl who got into a romantic relationship with Bear.