Porn

Just found nasty porn pics on the printer. Apparently the printer wasn't working right when Bear printed them so they printed out later, where luckily Hubby found them instead of one of the other kids.

Went on the kids' computer and discovered Bear's joined many porn sites, is communicating with birth family and found his way around the security program we'd installed (to prevent them viewing porn and other inappropriate sites).

So I went online and changed all of his passwords (he'd given them to me years ago and apparently never bothered to change them) for his e-mails, Facebook, Myspace, and the porn sites. I'm sure I didn't get them all, but he's going to be one ticked off kid when he figures it out. Of course none of them are supposed to exist, so technically he can't complain.

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Hubby decided to confront him on all of this instead of letting him figure it out. *sigh* I wasn't there when they talked, but as usual Hubby asked him to admit what he did (which of course Bear didn't couldn't do). Then Hubby told him what we know. Which of course Bear denied, and said was a mistake, and said he didn't know... and generally... lied... big shock. Hubby is pretty much incapable of consequencing Bear for anything unless: Bear confesses, he caught Bear red handed or he has incontrovertible proof (and even then, if Bear still blatantly denies it, Hubby tries to convince Bear it would be better for him if he admited the truth, which of course doesn't happen).

Still, the end result is the same. Bear thinks he "got away with it," because he argued his way around it" (and therefore will be very angry at the consequences) and Hubby is mad at Bear but won't do anything because he doesn't have "proof," and I do the actual consequencing which makes Bear mad at me. The news this time is that Hubby knew I'd already invoked the consequences before he confronted Bear (so it was too late for Hubby to say I shouldn't), and sweet Hubby told Bear that it was Hubby's idea. Often Bear knows it was all my idea anyway, but this time he may not.

So no FAIR Club type consequencing. Bear will most likely just have to start all over if he wants e-mail, Facebook, or porn accounts. Presumably he'll use different passwords. I left his accounts open for most so he'll have to use different names.

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Did I mention that both girls have Facebook accounts too? Kitty had just gotten hers. I discovered this by going on birthmom's Facebook account and on her wall she'd mentioned that now all of her children have Facebook accounts. Bear had "friended" Kitty so I was able to access her account. She had the name of her high school with graduation date on there too. (Bob has that, plus her hometown on there).

Here's the reasons I gave Kitty for why it was a bad idea for her to have a Facebook account:

1. By friending Bear - EVERYone who is his friend has access to her account.
2. Biofamily now know where she lives and what school she goes to (Bear does not keep this secret, and even if he did, their friends don't).
3. By refusing to "friend" biofamily that doesn't mean they won't be able to read your page.
4. She's put pictures on there so everyone knows what she looks like now.
5. You can't control what your friends write. They can give out even more personal details of your life.
6. What others write can be totally inappropriate. Biomom has a conversation about incest in the family on her wall. The picture of one of Bear's "uncles" is of his girlfriend and practically porn.
7. Even I now know almost every detail of Kitty's relationship ups and downs with her ex- boyfriend.

Kitty gave me her passwords and allowed me to close her account. I talked to Bob about it, but while she knows I don't approve, I don't have the same reasons for asking her to close the account and she has chosen not to. I don't feel I have the right to ask it of her. What do you think? Should kids have Facebook accounts?