ACT Conference!

I've been going to ACT seminars for the last few years and they are ALWAYS amazing. The Katharine Leslie seminars I've been to were put on by ACT (Advocates for Children of Trauma). I'm definitely going to find a way to go this year.

Making it Right: Trauma and Attachment Disorders, What Really Works?

Presented by; Lark Eshleman Patterson, Ph.D www.larkeshleman.com

Location: Mercado Event Center 1500 N Main St. Suite 300 Fort Worth, Texas 76164

Date: Thursday, May 12, 2011

Time: 9:00 am – 4:00 pm

Lunch on your own

Nursing and Social Work CEU’s Available

Given the complexity of developmental disorders associated with early attachment traumas, clinicians, parents and treatment team members all need a wide range yet cohesive approach to diagnostic and treatment options. In this workshop, participants will:

• Become familiar with several screening and diagnostic tools to accurately assess compatible treatment options


• Become familiar with the components and efficacy of the multiple intervention modalities represented in STAT™ -- Synergistic Trauma and Attachment Therapy – which will outline means and ways of interweaving treatment into a holistic treatment approach.


• Learn how sensory integration therapy can be interwoven into overall treatment to increase effectiveness of trauma and attachment healing


• Be introduced to a continuous tracking mechanism to assess treatment progress

Learning Objectives:

• Recognize the symptoms of attachment trauma


• Identify typical behaviors and family characteristics in families with attachment trauma.


• Outline the screening process for individuals and families with complex attachment-related trauma


• Identify treatment options available for attachment disorder

“This workshop is for parents and professionals only. No children please."

Tarrant County Hospital District dba JPS Health Network is an approved provider of continuing nursing education by the Texas Nurses Association, an accredited approver by the American Nurses Credentialing Center’s Commission on Accreditation. *********************************************************************************************** Registration Form Please register online at http://www.hopeforhealingtrauma.com/index.php/guest-speakers-a-events or complete the form below and mail it along with payment to:

Advocates for Children of Trauma 7924 Eastland Avenue Fort Worth, TX 76135

Make checks payable to: A.C.T. WORKSHOP:

Making it Right: Trauma and Attachments Disorders, What Really Works,

Presented by; Lark Eshleman Patterson, Ph.D. www.larkeshleman.com

DATE AND TIME: 5-12-2011 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM

WORKSHOP LOCATION: Location: Mercado Event Center 1500 N Main St. Suite 300 Fort Worth, Texas, 76164 REGISTRATION FEE: $50.00

PARTICIPANT NAME:

ORGANIZATION:

MAILING ADDRESS:

PHONE:

EMAIL ADDRESS:

CEU’S: _____Social Work _____Nursing

PLEASE LIST SPECIAL NEEDS:

METHOD OF PAYMENT:

ACT will accept P.O’s only if payment is made prior to the date of the workshop. No Exceptions. ___________Check ___________ Credit Card

Confirmation Policy The registration will not be confirmed until payment has been received. Incomplete registration forms will not be processed and a confirmation will not be issued. Do not mail/fax/email a duplicate registration as a follow-up to an already submitted registration. Confirmations of registration will be e-mailed to the address provided. Conference materials will be available for pick up at the registration desk. No refunds will be issued for individual cancellations.

For general inquiries, please contact:

Phone: 817-219-5459

Email: ACT_Founder@sbcglobal.net (ACT_Founder@sbcglobal.net)

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My Poor Babies

Kitty age 10 and Bear age 11 Now that Kitty is home she is super clingy and is having stomach aches and head aches. This doesn't surprise me. When we saw her on Tuesday for family therapy she was holding our hands, sitting close, giving lots of hugs and needing lots of reassurance. This is the same way she acted while in residential treatment 2 years ago. She really is just a little girl and this is terrifying for her. Not to mention it brings up a ton of memories and fears. She threw a chair at Biomom and Biomom called the police who came and put Kitty in foster care. Biomom terminated parental rights claiming Kitty was "out of control," and Kitty never went home again. Sunday evening, Kitty hit me. The police came and took Kitty away. Kitty got to come home again, but I can't blame her for fearing history is repeating itself. Bear is feeling the same way. (Sent to me via e-mail on Monday)

Hy mom how is kitty this is kinda getting to day im feeling alittle stresed out and for some reason Im feeling like it my falt in away because I did this so many times to her and the other grils when they were yonger, The makes me think about some of the stuff im trying to forget about and try to move on with my life. Im feeling like i want to cry but i don't any one to weary about me. LOVE YOU MOM I realy apreshat the way you have never gave up on us i think this some thing we needed That we realy never had. THANKS love you mom

Thank for putting up with all the good and bad stuff i ever through at you -- •Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction BEAR

Tonight Kitty wanted me to tuck her in and tentatively asked if she wasn't feeling safe would we send her back to the psych hospital. I assured her that was not an option (she'd told us about the drama and violence and how scary it was), and she confessed she's still having feelings about hurting herself. She assured me that she knew she wouldn't actually hurt herself, but the feeling were there. I stayed with her until she fell asleep. (Yes, we'll be addressing this quickly and I'll do everything I can to keep her safe in the meantime). My poor baby. I think we were assuming things would go back to normal pretty quickly, but she's obviously going to have a long recovery time. I guess there's a good reason why I don't have a job yet

Kitty's Coming Home

Kitty is being released tomorrow! We're planning a quiet weekend. No school on Monday. Pdoc appointment Tuesday (8am yuck!), then straight to her ARD where we'll decide what school is going to look like for the rest of the school year.

Options:

1. Drop her 2 electives - which are in the morning on "B" days and her only regular ed, and most stressful classes, and just have her come to school late on "B" days - after lunch (which is also stressful).


2. Change her electives to something else - like social skills. Put her in the behavior program during lunches.


3. Homebound - doubt they'll go for this one - it's supposed to be almost impossible to get and is more for kids with physical issues.


4. Drive her to school and pick her up for lunch every day to limit the


5. Suggestions?

Back on the Wagon

As we were visiting with Kitty after family therapy yesterday we walked Kitty to the cafeteria and she held our hands. She was talking so quietly I couldn't hear her well, but I think she was saying people were commenting on how attached she is to us. I could tell it bothered her, and I know she finds it too embarassing in front of her friends, but she always holds my hand when she doesn't think her friends are around. I told her that it's OK to want to hold our hands and she's just making up for lost time. She's still my little girl.

*******************************************

Kitty wants to come home. I want Kitty to come home. It's out of my hands right now. Before she gets back I want to make things better, both for her, trying to get school fixed and talking about meds and psychiatrists, and for me, trying to figure out what I can do to keep this from happening again.

I had a long talk with Hubby and Grandma about my fears on why the episodes with Kitty have escalated. Obviously some of it is her issues and things I cannot change - particularly anxiety caused by school, but more and more when the kids start arguing I find myself getting agitated and I know I need to change it up, be empathetic and help my child emotionally regulate, but I just can't. I've questioned whether this is because:

• My bipolar stuff. I'm not medicated and I hadn't thought the meds were helping much when I was, but I'm having trouble with transitions - particularly getting off the computer and going to bed, but then again I've always been a night owl.


• PTSD - every time I deal with Bear, I find myself waiting for the shoe to drop. Whatever he's doing, I'm trying to stay two steps ahead, anticipating the consequences, trying to detect the lies, and even though he hasn't been truly violent in years - I'm still aware of that capability


• Attachment - Hubby suggested this. That as I've grown more attached to the kids, the better they are at being able to push my buttons (which Bob was born able to do). When the kids first got here, there was really nothing they could do that could get me upset.


• Lack of sleep - This was Grandma's suggestion. Basically for whatever reason, I'm not getting much sleep. Obviously this effects my reserves. So this is the one I finally decided I was what I was going to choose to address.

I’ve decided this has been a long week because I’m just so tired. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle – using a blow torch. I feel that I might have been able to prevent her from escalating to the point where she hit me, if I hadn’t let myself get so depleted. I’m going to view this as a blessing in disguise because I’m hoping it will help us get the changes we’ve been advocating for at the school, but I also want to take it as a wake-up call. I’ve added a lot to my schedule (NAMI classes, job hunting, volunteering and getting more involved in the mental health/adoption communities, trying to get my oldest son’s transition to adulthood…), but hadn’t taken anything OUT of my schedule – except apparently sleep.

Back in November I went on an "internet diet,"but over the months everything has crept back up. So I’ve decided to stop reading most of my blog roll (there were 119 feeds!), limit the list-serves, cut back on the forums and try to get to bed at a reasonable time. Not doing so great at it yet, but there’s always tonight, right?! Wish me luck!

Counting my Blessings

If you haven't seen this post A letter to Grandparents of Children with RAD over at Welcome to My Brain- (the blog of an amazing therapeutic parenting guru who has made some therapeutic parenting videos not to be missed) then seriously, go read it. Then know how blessed I am because my mom aka Grandma is just like the grandma who wrote this letter, only mine takes my kids for respite almost every Saturday afternoon and keeps them until she feeds us all lunch Sunday afternoon, and comes over and watches them while I attend therapy with Kitty, takes us all out to dinner every Friday night, in past Summers she's taken care of all 4 kids all Summer! Her wonderful husband, Poppy, is equally amazing (more on Poppy in a minute).

***********************

Christine from Welcome to My Brain is also the creator of the Parents of Trauma Map - so we know We are NOT Alone! Please go add your pin to the map and look to see who is near you. I'm hoping to see all the moms from Parents of Children of Trauma there! I want to see Central Texas solid with support because I know there are lots of moms out there.

*****************************

This week I finished up my NAMI Family to Family class. I learned quite a bit, and I made some really good friends. I highly recommend this class to parents with adult children and those with spouses or other adult family members with mental illnesses. The best part is the support groups. I'm hoping to finish the NAMI Visions for Tomorrow class this week - which is for parents of young children with mental illnesses. I've offered to do a lot of volunteer work for NAMI, but I'm still waiting to hear back.

**************************

Saturday I got to go to a great workshop sponsored by the Council On Adoptable Children (COAC) about caring for the caregiver this weekend with a bunch of adoptive moms and it was so invigorating to hang out for a few hours with a bunch of moms who "get it." The workshop had a lot of good information too. Sunday we found out the hard way that Kitty has not been sleeping well.

*******************************

I let my World's Meanest Mommy title slip and let Kitty and Bob attend a birthday slumber party on Friday night. They stayed up talking until 3am and woke up at 6am. They got a brief nap Saturday while I was at the workshop. Saturday night Kitty and her siblings spent the night with the amazing Grandma and Poppy as usual, and she claims she didn't sleep well (although Bob says otherwise).

****************************

When I arrived for lunch at Grandma's (Hubby was teaching scuba diving all weekend) Kitty was in a good mood. She and I even made a lemon meringue pie together (from scratch!) after lunch. It was a little soupy, but yummy! All seemed fine. Then we got home and I made the mistake of asking Kitty to do her chores. I told her she could not get on the computer until they'd been checked (by Daddy when he got home) . She wouldn't get off the computer. I finally threatened her with not being allowed to use the computer for a week and she got off after 15 minutes.

***********************************

Then Ponito got home from a playdate. I told him he needed to get his chores done quickly and we were going to watch a movie. He claimed all his chores were done (he's been lying a lot lately though), but refused to empty a trashcan I told him to empty. Repeatedly. Defiantly. Then he suddenly announced he had homework... and got on the computer.

******************************* This was the final straw for Kitty. She started screaming he should be punished, and was breaking rules, and I treated him special, and she hated this family, and she wanted to die. I got triggered too and finally told her to go to her room immediately, do not pass go, do not argue and if she did as I asked then she could come down in 5 minutes and watch the movie. ******************************* She pushed the ottoman away from her so hard the cat flipped off (which she felt horrible about), then banged her way upstairs. She was hitting walls and doors so I followed. Flash forward 30 minutes and dinner wasn't made, the movie was started without us, and I was still too triggered to calm down enough to help her emotionally regulate. She finally appeared to calm down a little and agreed to make dinner with me. ******************************************** She got angry again when she realized I was following her. She stormed upstairs and of course I followed (she was still making threats). 1/2 way up she turned and told me to leave her alone or she was going to hit and kick me. I got nervous because I didn't want either of us to fall down the stairs, so I was focused on that. She surprised me by hitting me in the face! Scared her half to death and she turned and ran and locked herself in the bathroom. Thank goodness she hits like a little girl and caught me on the fleshy part of the cheek. It's a little sore and swollen, but no bruising. ******************************* After last Tuesday's suicide threat, it felt like everyone was questioning me about why we hadn't called someone, so this time I dialed 911 and asked for the mental health deputy to come out. When Kitty realized I had actually called the police she ran out of the bathroom, right past me and downstairs to the kitchen where she pulled out a butcher knife and held it to her wrist. Unfortunately I couldn't hang up with the police officer to calm her down and talking to the officer made her worse. Finally she left "Fight" and "Flight" and moved into "Freeze." That's where she stuck. ************************************* The police said because she hit me they had to file charges of domestic violence, whether I wanted them to or not and she had to leave the house. She could go to jail or a psychiatric hospitalization depending on the verdict of the mental health deputy. Luckily he chose to believe that she was suicidal and chose to allow her to be hospitalized. The charges don't disappear, but she doesn't have to go to court or anything. ************************************** Unfortunately the nearest bed open was a 2 hour drive away! Luckily Hubby got home from teaching scuba diving about the time we were leaving so he could watch the kids. He was too tired to drive though. Wonderful Poppy was willing and able to drive the 2 hours there, wait 3 hours to get her admitted and 2 hours home (then another 15 minutes back to his home). Since he'd been up at dawn as an emergency responder for the Capital 10K this was even more amazing (he had grabbed a nap earlier in the day, but still pretty impressive for a 70 something year old man). *************************** The good news was because the traveling and waiting time was so long (5 hours total), that during the ride in the uncomfortable hard plastic back seat of the unmarked police car in the dark, late at night after a major outburst, Kitty slowly calmed down and was finally able to reach out to me. By the time we got there she was snuggly and able to accept reassurance and comfort from me. She gave me (and Poppy) a big hug at 1:30am as they led her off to finally sleep. Poppy drove me home and was safe in bed at home by 3:30am. ******************************** Sweet Hubby tried to let me sleep in this morning, but the psych hospital doctor called early to talk about meds, and I've been on the phone and e-mail ever since trying to get stuff settled. I've been hearing good things about the psych hospital. *yea!* * ************************* Visiting hours are late evenings on Tuesdays and Thursdays only, but we had the option to have family therapy in the morning so we can see Kitty then and she won't feel abandoned when we don't come to the evening visitation session (my last NAMI Visions For Tomorrow class is Tuesday night and there's a parent support group meeting the rest of the family is going to). ************************************** I was told the average stay at this psych hospital is only 3 days so we fully expect Kitty home this weekend. I wasn't happy about what the hospital's pdoc said, but I talked to Kitty's regular pdoc and I think we're going to finally make some good progress. Kitty's revision ARD is going to meet early in April to start the school testing needed for her new FIE (Full Individual Evaluation).

Wrapping my brain around it

Bear's (and my) therapist suggested something to me that I'm seriously considering. If DARS can't get him a job this Summer (which would be my first choice), then she suggested sending him to his biograndfather in rural Oklahoma for at least part of the Summer.

Pros

• It will let him get more realistically reacquainted with this grandfather that he has put on a pedestal.
• More realistically reacquainted with the rural lifestyle that he has put on a pedestal.
• The whole family would probably go, so Kitty would get a chance to get reacquainted with the grandfather she thinks hates her
• It will allow him much more freedom, but in a setting where there is a little less opportunity for him to get into trouble than in our urban part of the world.
• It will be a visit so may not trigger his abandonment issues and he will have reasons to come home.
• Trial run on meds and stuff - while we get his SSI/ Medicaid worked out here.
• Good excuse for us to get a Power of Attorney
• Gives us a break, and would allow me to work through the Summer if I get a job (Grandma is fine supervising the other kids, although Kitty doesn't handle it well).
• If we can find the money then we could tag it on the end of a trip to Nebraska and kill 2 birds with one stone.

Cons

• We might have difficulty getting him back - legally in TX and OK he's an adult, if he doesn't want to come back it would probably be impossible to get the police to help
• Adoption subsidy, getting switched over to NE Medicaid, not being there to sign legal stuff issues
• Handling meds
• He'd probably receive no psych services and therapy for the entire time he's gone
• Getting him there and back - probably drive which costs money
• Having to talk to the relatives to see if they'd even want him
• If he has a breakdown, meltdown or difficulties of any kind we won't be there to help - or document them
• Legally he's an adult - if something goes wrong he could have major legal trouble - and he'd be in another state.
• He'd get used to a LOT of freedoms and will probably be allowed to get a driver's license.
• We'd miss his 18th birthday and his adoption day (both at the end of July).

I'm sure there's a ton more pros and cons those are off the top of my head. I just don't know what to think about this.

Sorry, Officer!

I had a meeting today to help me get Bear signed up for SSI. I had provided everything but a questionnaire from Bear's special school regarding Bear's functioning, so I ran by and picked it up from the school on my way to the meeting. 

Bear's special school is right off a highway and at that time of day the morning traffic was jammed and barely crawling past. As I was sitting in traffic, I glanced at the questionnaire.

Oh my goodness, it plainly said what we've been insisting for years but couldn't get the school to admit!

Bear is almost finished with 11th grade. His special school has a 5/2 Student/Teacher ratio and he is in almost all special ed classes.

• Reading Level: 8th grade
• Main Level (which I interpret as an overall level): 8th grade
• Written Language Level: 6th grade

{I was so shocked that we had this in writing that, I stupidly got on my cell phone to tell Hubby... just before I slowly crawled past the "end of school zone" sign. *sigh* Wanna guess what happened?}

Serious Problems in:

• Understanding school and content vocabulary
• Reading and comprehending written material
• Comprehending and doing math problems
• Providing organized oral explanations and adequate descriptions
• Expressing ideas in written form
• Learning new material
• Recalling and applying previously learned materials
• Completing class/ homework assignments
• Working at a reasonable pace/finishing on time

Comments:

--- He appears to jump around when he reads: this causes him to miss important information.
--- He can't write down a coherent explanation or conclusion in math unless told word for word what to write down.
--- Bear works slowly and this reduces the amount of material he can complete in a year.

Behavior:
Serious Problems in:

• Expressing anger appropriately
• Following rules (classroom, games, sports) - slight
• Respecting/ obeying adults in authority
• Handling frustration appropriately
• Being patient when necessary - slight
• Using good judgment regarding personal safety and dangerous circumstances
• Identifying and appropriately asserting emotional needs
• Responding appropriately to changes in own mood (e.g., calming self)
• Knowing when to ask for help

Comments:
--- Bear is sometimes oppositional/ defiant with adults. Most of the time he is respectful and compliant at school.
--- Bear tends to let things bottle up inside instead of getting help from adults
--- I have noticed infrequent sleepiness and irritability at school.
--- Bear's disorders seem well-regulated by his medication with occasional isolated incidents involving inappropriate behaviors at school.


THE GOOD NEWS!!
The lady helping us fill out the SSI paperwork thinks we have a VERY strong case and shouldn't have to resubmit (she says the reason most people get turned down the first time is they don't show their proof). (Getting SSI for an Adult Child)

Also, we have Nebraska Medicaid until Bear turns 19 so even if he doesn't get Medicaid through SSI right away, we'll still have meds and stuff covered until the adult Medicaid "kicks in." 

Small problem with that is that the agency through which Bear currently receives psychiatric services does not take private insurance - including Nebraska Medicaid. So while we have meds covered we won't have a psychiatrist to prescribe them! The pdoc might be willing to give us 3 months of refills though since he's not on any Federally controlled substances like Kitty's C*ncerta.

{FYI - While the lights are flashing (or during the designated times if they don't have lights), you cannot use your cell phone in a school zone or on the school campus, unless your car is in a parking space - preferably turned off.)